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All I want to do is be a good peoples person/ networking whatever Watch

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    Im not extroverted and im not introverted. I talk to people but im sure I still lack the confidence. Its so weird ,because I am kind of confident but then I just say dumb things or smile too much. Also sometimes I always say yeah or oh okay, I want my conversations to have more substance. I have watched every single tutorial and I dont know what to do man. I want to be respected and I want to be a leader but that ain't happening anytime soon. And like I want to be so good with people that I could talk to anyone and have a good conversation like today there was a really pretty girl on the bus and I kept to myself. Also, I want to be able to be good at communicating in suprise situations not just with people who I am confident with.

    I am not super smart aswell I am average :P (I work hard though) so I want to work hard to be good at communicating but it feels like it isn't working.
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    Foo.mp3 UWS AlexFam SpiritSharD WoodyMKC RobML
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    Most of my people skills comes from body language. Move close to people, invade their personal space. If they're receptive, continue. If they show that they're not comfortable then pull back. Learn to listen and ask good, open ended questions to get people to feel more comfortable, then let down your guards and just follow your instincts. It's kind of hard to analyse what anyone with confidence or good social skills actually does because ideally it's natural. You body needs to exude confidence in your posture, in your speech and in your body language. Practise will always make perfect in this situation.
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    (Original post by AlexFam)
    Most of my people skills comes from body language. Move close to people, invade their personal space. If they're receptive, continue. If they show that they're not comfortable then pull back. Learn to listen and ask good, open ended questions to get people to feel more comfortable, then let down your guards and just follow your instincts. It's kind of hard to analyse what anyone with confidence or good social skills actually does because ideally it's natural. You body needs to exude confidence in your posture, in your speech and in your body language. Practise will always make perfect in this situation.
    What do you do in a situation when it is pin-drop silence and the other individual is not talkative?
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    It just sounds like there's a bit of a negative voice going on in the back of your mind when it comes to talking to people, which makes you feel uneasy and nervous. When people are nervous they tend to either a) clam up, or b) talk excessively and end up talking nonsense. Guaranteed, when you're relaxed you can conversate a lot better. Also helps to pay a genuine interest in what the other person is talking about and the questions you ask to continue the convo will be natural.

    Might be worth having CBT for social anxiety if it's bothering you this much? You'd be working directly on tackling that negative self-talk and painting a more positive self-image.
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    (Original post by IRoranth)
    What do you do in a situation when it is pin-drop silence and the other individual is not talkative?
    Leave and talk to someone more interesting.
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    Always happy to help you, my friend.

    So for starters, you've done your research so you're aware of the "theory" behind interactions (body language, conversational styles etc). It's putting it into practice that's the hard part, but unfortunately you just have to do it in order to improve. There isn't really an alternative method to accomplishing what you're wanting to achieve.

    I'll turn this around to me for a second. I used to be the type of guy who couldn't look others in the eye, would always look down at the floor when talking to someone or walking to my destination, most of the words coming out of my mouth or being typed were "Okay", "Fair enough" or "Erm". It's only after putting myself out there, repeatedly stepping outside my comfort-zone that I was actually able to lessen my social anxiety, better my performance in social situations and all-round feel better about myself. If I can do it, then trust me; you sure as hell can too!

    So, find opportunities to push yourself. Work in an environment where you're forced to interact with people, volunteer your time, make a small comment to someone sat opposite you in class. Anything. It doesn't have to be anything substantial. I was sat next to someone today and briefly introduced myself, and nothing more came of it. That action alone, if you can start doing it yourself, sets you apart from a good 80% of people on this planet. Just think to yourself; "Most people have their heads buried in their phones" or "There's five people on this bus listening to music". You stand out and are already ahead of the crowd because you are willing to try and succeed.

    Respect and leadership can come later. Don't try to assume roles or seek to gain a certain level of something before you can start overcoming those obstacles in your past. Practice and patience. Practice, and patience. Keep on trying, but don't beat yourself up when things don't go as smoothly as you want.

    Oh day, you'll be chatting up girls on the bus with ease.
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    (Original post by SpiritSharD)
    Always happy to help you, my friend.

    So for starters, you've done your research so you're aware of the "theory" behind interactions (body language, conversational styles etc). It's putting it into practice that's the hard part, but unfortunately you just have to do it in order to improve. There isn't really an alternative method to accomplishing what you're wanting to achieve.

    I'll turn this around to me for a second. I used to be the type of guy who couldn't look others in the eye, would always look down at the floor when talking to someone or walking to my destination, most of the words coming out of my mouth or being typed were "Okay", "Fair enough" or "Erm". It's only after putting myself out there, repeatedly stepping outside my comfort-zone that I was actually able to lessen my social anxiety, better my performance in social situations and all-round feel better about myself. If I can do it, then trust me; you sure as hell can too!

    So, find opportunities to push yourself. Work in an environment where you're forced to interact with people, volunteer your time, make a small comment to someone sat opposite you in class. Anything. It doesn't have to be anything substantial. I was sat next to someone today and briefly introduced myself, and nothing more came of it. That action alone, if you can start doing it yourself, sets you apart from a good 80% of people on this planet. Just think to yourself; "Most people have their heads buried in their phones" or "There's five people on this bus listening to music". You stand out and are already ahead of the crowd because you are willing to try and succeed.

    Respect and leadership can come later. Don't try to assume roles or seek to gain a certain level of something before you can start overcoming those obstacles in your past. Practice and patience. Practice, and patience. Keep on trying, but don't beat yourself up when things don't go as smoothly as you want.

    Oh day, you'll be chatting up girls on the bus with ease.
    Yeah I used to be like what you said and sometimes I still am. I used to look at the sky when I spoke fml, but now I do that a lot less. So I should just keep practicing I guess. Thanks, tomorrow im going to say good morning to the bus driver
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    (Original post by SuperHuman98)
    I want to be respected and I want to be a leader
    The former should be possible for the vast majority of people. The later is not something that everyone is capable of

    I want to be so good with people that I could talk to anyone and have a good conversation
    Again, the former is possible for most people, with the right information, dedication, and execution, but the later is rather rare (certainly doesn't apply to me, but does apply to my mother)

    I want to work hard to be good at communicating but it feels like it isn't working
    Other than watching tutorials, what have you tried? :holmes:
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    The former should be possible for the vast majority of people. The later is not something that everyone is capable of

    Again, the former is possible for most people, with the right information, dedication, and execution, but the later is rather rare (certainly doesn't apply to me, but does apply to my mother)

    Other than watching tutorials, what have you tried? :holmes:
    I have tried to implement what I want, but sometimes I just forget. Does that make sense?
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    (Original post by SuperHuman98)
    I have tried to implement what I want, but sometimes I just forget. Does that make sense?
    Perhaps you could explain by way of some examples
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    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/9...to-get-it.html
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Perhaps you could explain by way of some examples
    I don't even know now
 
 
 
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