Depression has prevented me from getting to my uni of choice, What do I do now?

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    Ive never enjoyed school but ive always just got through it and got the grades I needed fairly easily, without much effort. In AS I studied Maths, Physics, Geography and I.T dropping Physics out of the second year. (Maths - A, Geo - B, I.T - B, Phys - D).

    At the end of my second year I really could not get to a level at which I needed to achieve my desired grades which were BBB as I had an offer off Durham University to study Accounting and Finance. Geography however seemed to be fine and I decided to do the exam at the time and then resitting Maths and I.T the next year. However I crumbled in the exam and just couldn't do it which was a strange experience for me as Exams have also been one of my strongest points. I feel it was due to my mental condition.

    Anyway, starting this new year resitting Year 13 never went well and I was constantly skipping days and after many discussions with the school I have decided to just quit although I have a few weeks to reconsider.

    My question is what are my options now? I feel incapable of completing my A-levels despite a lot of the work for the year already being done and it just being a matter of revision for the year. I just can't see myself withstanding another year of what makes me feel the worst. I can't motivate myself to go in every morning or stay during lunch break or free lessons which leads on to apprenticeships which have been considered previously but in my mental state i feel incapable of full time daily work.

    I have no interests in the working world, I can't find anything I would enjoy and I really don't see a place in this world for me. I just don't know what to do. Leaving sixth form is a huge waste but I feel I must and this includes losing my reduced offer from Durham University which given its stature just seems stupid. I feel I am just wasting my potential and leading to a terrible, miserable, boring life.

    Does anyone have any advice or potential options for me? I seriously need help.
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    (Original post by Dave0398)
    Ive never enjoyed school but ive always just got through it and got the grades I needed fairly easily, without much effort. In AS I studied Maths, Physics, Geography and I.T dropping Physics out of the second year. (Maths - A, Geo - B, I.T - B, Phys - D).

    At the end of my second year I really could not get to a level at which I needed to achieve my desired grades which were BBB as I had an offer off Durham University to study Accounting and Finance. Geography however seemed to be fine and I decided to do the exam at the time and then resitting Maths and I.T the next year. However I crumbled in the exam and just couldn't do it which was a strange experience for me as Exams have also been one of my strongest points. I feel it was due to my mental condition.

    Anyway, starting this new year resitting Year 13 never went well and I was constantly skipping days and after many discussions with the school I have decided to just quit although I have a few weeks to reconsider.

    My question is what are my options now? I feel incapable of completing my A-levels despite a lot of the work for the year already being done and it just being a matter of revision for the year. I just can't see myself withstanding another year of what makes me feel the worst. I can't motivate myself to go in every morning or stay during lunch break or free lessons which leads on to apprenticeships which have been considered previously but in my mental state i feel incapable of full time daily work.

    I have no interests in the working world, I can't find anything I would enjoy and I really don't see a place in this world for me. I just don't know what to do. Leaving sixth form is a huge waste but I feel I must and this includes losing my reduced offer from Durham University which given its stature just seems stupid. I feel I am just wasting my potential and leading to a terrible, miserable, boring life.

    Does anyone have any advice or potential options for me? I seriously need help.
    If you really cant knuckle down and do your exams, then you will need to talk to your parents.

    You have ruled out an apprenticeshipo although there are different ones for people with A levels
    You have ruled out a job
    I assume college and soemthing vocational is a waste of time as well?

    Which means you are stuck thinking about Durham.

    I only think you have one option and thats to get some therapy and get rid of the depression because its preventing you doing anything else.

    Its a shame with the A levels as next year was the last time to do Legacy specs, so you wont get a chance to sit those again. Not for me to tell you how to feel, but if your depression is only to do with missing out Durham, then its not as though you have cancer or lost your legs. You are forcing yourself by choice to miss out on it again by not resitting and I think you may regret that in future.

    When you come out of the other side you will either get an apprenticeship or a job, unless you find some inspiration to study something. You might have a different perspective on things by then and life will be more hopeful.
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    Do you just need a break to get treatment? Talk to Durham, let them know there is a medical issue. (Or have someone in your school do it for you.) See if the offer can be put on ice for a while.

    Make good use of the time off, then come back and nail the exams. You know you can do it at your best-- you're just not there right now. And if therapy, medication, work, travel, or whatever gives you an even better idea to try, then follow that.
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    (Original post by Camilli)
    Do you just need a break to get treatment? Talk to Durham, let them know there is a medical issue. (Or have someone in your school do it for you.) See if the offer can be put on ice for a while.

    Make good use of the time off, then come back and nail the exams. You know you can do it at your best-- you're just not there right now. And if therapy, medication, work, travel, or whatever gives you an even better idea to try, then follow that.
    Wont he have lost the offer because he tried to do the exams?
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    I don't know all the ins and outs of UK secondary schools. Anyway, if there was a medical disaster and Durham wanted him once, they may want him again when he's performing up to speed.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Wont he have lost the offer because he tried to do the exams?
    My sixth form contacted Durham explaining the situation and they agreed to put the offer back one year
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    (Original post by Dave0398)
    My sixth form contacted Durham explaining the situation and the agreed to put the offer back one year
    So the offer is there, but you have decided the depression is too great that you cant study for it? What sort of medical treatment are you receiving?

    Btw your thread title should be "is preventing me"

    You have a BBB offer and the depression is stopping you studying because you are depressed at missing that offer last year? Clearly a golden opportunity at which you have to decide whether you really wish to go to Durham or not.

    Go and see your GP. Some talking therapy would be good to get to the root of why you are depressed. It would seem odd to eb dwelling in failing last years A level and letting that sabotage your chance to redeem yourself. Most other people would be ecstatic for a second chance. So imo yoi have to completely let go of whatever sadness was caused last time, accept it and move on. or you are creating even more disappointment when you fail to get in this year vecayse you were sad about last year. You have to start living in the now.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    So the offer is there, but you have decided the depression is too great that you cant study for it? What sort of medical treatment are you receiving?
    Ive been taking citalopram for a few months and I feel it has been helping generally but not for when I was attending sixth form. I also started my medication just before the exam I was going to take which probably didn't help considering it worsens your mood when you first start it. I also see a therapist every other week at the moment.
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    (Original post by Dave0398)
    Ive been taking citalopram for a few months and I feel it has been helping generally but not for when I was attending sixth form. I also started my medication just before the exam I was going to take which probably didn't help considering it worsens your mood when you first start it. I also see a therapist every other week at the moment.
    I have updated my post above.

    From a completely objective view you are in danger of really sabotaging yourself this second time around in a way that is worse than the first time that is upsetting you.
    You arent mentioning any other causes for the depression other than last years hiccup in the exams. I can only think its down to the therapist to try and discover how its managing to cripple you moving forward and have the same reason account for not getting in a second time.

    Its a big shame, but you are backing yourself into a corner. As you have ruled out all other options, then you only have one left which is to carry on with the treatment and sort out the depression. You will create further stress once you abandon your studies and realise Durham has one for the 2nd time. Maybe its fear of failing?

    If it were me, then as much as my mind was able I would take it one day at a time, eat sleep and exercise properly, then think through the options in front of me. It seems a great shame to deny yourself the opportunity to break the cycle and still get into Durham by doing the resits. If you cant you cant, which is then why your only focus can be on getting better. Toy dont have any other options because you or the depression has dismissed them all.

    BTW If you cant see it then you are letting the depression make a very bad choice for yourself. You are going to have to find the will from somewhere to fight back.
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    As someone who has suffered depression and has been a teacher of level 3 students who have been through similar situations to yourself I would advise as follows:

    Take time out to get better. Yes, the Citalopram will help mask the symptoms of your depression, but it is unlikely to make you better. It will, however, put you in the frame of mind whereby you can consider what it is that needs to change to become well.

    Admit what it is that is wrong. Be brutally honest in your therapy, do not worry about being judged. I personally had therapy because I kept imagining myself dead in various situations, and I wasn't even depressed! I went in and said, "here mate, I think I'm going mad, I just visualised myself sitting in that chair wrapping your keyboard wires around my neck." And she said, "Well, if you think that's mental then at least it proves you have your faculties about you." Point is; you can't and won't surprise them so just tell them everything.

    Don't worry about Uni. Seriously, they've been here a long time and they won't disappear overnight. So what if you lose a place? Will the world keep turning? Seems to me you're a bit too worried about what other people's perception will be if you don't go straight away! You know what'll be worse, pressurising yourself, possibly failing and feeling worse.

    I find it absolutely disturbing that everyone seems to feel that you are limiting yourself or dismissing all options.

    It's fine to not know what you want to do. Take it from someone with three degrees, and a very successful career who gave it all up to work in Tesco. There's more to life than academia...but if it's the path you choose, take time to make sure it's the right one.
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    Ok thinking a bit further. I think giving up school is a mistake unless you absolutely have to. Only you cna decide what your state of mind is.
    The BBB chance is not going to coe your way again, so you need to rehabilitate yourself asap, that means following the tips I suggested. uif the citalopram isnt working, then try something else. What works for one person doesnt work for another as cures can be quite individual.
    Its only 9 months of focus you need. Take it a day at a time and do short bits of work followed by bits of relaxation, small steps and build. Do what you cna, keep fighting and theres still chance your frame of mind will change for the better in a few months.

    All the other options or non options are worse, so it will boil down to staying in your bedroom until you decide to come out.
    Exercise, sleep, social life all help make things more normal. Your therapist should be able to give you some coping exercises as well. Thats what I would do anyway, I'd just have faith in myself , understood what the right direction was and just focus on doing the basics.
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    My advise is to power through. I know that seems unhelpful but you would be so glad afterwards that you saw it through.*

    I had depression all through secondary school. My GCSE and A Level attendance was around 50% and I had to repeat year 13 to complete my chemistry A2. I had given up hope around that time.*

    Now I'm doing my PhD at a good university and I can look back on my time and school as a challenge that I overcame. I believe anyone can do the same. *
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    (Original post by Jjubb84)

    I find it absolutely disturbing that everyone seems to feel that you are limiting yourself or dismissing all options.

    .

    Isnt that what he says? School aside then he has said he cant think of
    An apprenticeship.
    Working life is inconceivable to him
    Which would leave college or staying at home and dealing with the depression until he was sufficiently able to make a decision. That would seem to be the depression limiting options, unless I missed some? Why would that be disturbing?

    Again you tell him not to worry about Uni, but isn't that the whole cause of the depression? His inability to cope with the pressure and subsequent regret/ beating himself up over the lost place? Unless ofc there are other reasons he hasnt mentioned, but I suggested he needs to get to the bottom of.

    It is fine if he doesnt know what he wants to do, but I got the impression he really wanted to go to Durham, but the depression was in his way.

    That was my reading of it.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Isnt that what he says? School aside then he has said he cant think of
    An apprenticeship.
    Working life is inconceivable to him
    Which would leave college or staying at home and dealing with the depression until he was sufficiently able to make a decision. That would seem to be the depression limiting options, unless I missed some? Why would that be disturbing?

    Again you tell him not to worry about Uni, but isn't that the whole cause of the depression? His inability to cope with the pressure and subsequent regret/ beating himself up over the lost place? Unless ofc there are other reasons he hasnt mentioned, but I suggested he needs to get to the bottom of.

    It is fine if he doesnt know what he wants to do, but I got the impression he really wanted to go to Durham, but the depression was in his way.

    That was my reading of it.
    I understand your point.

    When I referred to not worrying about Uni, I meant in the NOW sense. I noted that he saw that not going to Durham was a waste but interpreted that more along the lines of what he he felt he SHOULD do, rather than what he actually wants to do.

    I would say he has all of the options (and more still open to him). It is the timeframe, that he needs to consider.
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    (Original post by Dave0398)
    Ive been taking citalopram for a few months and I feel it has been helping generally but not for when I was attending sixth form. I also started my medication just before the exam I was going to take which probably didn't help considering it worsens your mood when you first start it. I also see a therapist every other week at the moment.
    Have you tried any therapy or counselling? Obviously the meds will get you back on your feet but unraveling what is causing you to feel depressed will also help.

    How are the other areas of your life, do you feel motivated or good about other things or do you feel like this is really casting a grey cloud over everything?

    Durham obviously see something really special in you
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    (Original post by Dave0398)
    Ive never enjoyed school but ive always just got through it and got the grades I needed fairly easily, without much effort. In AS I studied Maths, Physics, Geography and I.T dropping Physics out of the second year. (Maths - A, Geo - B, I.T - B, Phys - D).

    At the end of my second year I really could not get to a level at which I needed to achieve my desired grades which were BBB as I had an offer off Durham University to study Accounting and Finance. Geography however seemed to be fine and I decided to do the exam at the time and then resitting Maths and I.T the next year. However I crumbled in the exam and just couldn't do it which was a strange experience for me as Exams have also been one of my strongest points. I feel it was due to my mental condition.

    Anyway, starting this new year resitting Year 13 never went well and I was constantly skipping days and after many discussions with the school I have decided to just quit although I have a few weeks to reconsider.

    My question is what are my options now? I feel incapable of completing my A-levels despite a lot of the work for the year already being done and it just being a matter of revision for the year. I just can't see myself withstanding another year of what makes me feel the worst. I can't motivate myself to go in every morning or stay during lunch break or free lessons which leads on to apprenticeships which have been considered previously but in my mental state i feel incapable of full time daily work.

    I have no interests in the working world, I can't find anything I would enjoy and I really don't see a place in this world for me. I just don't know what to do. Leaving sixth form is a huge waste but I feel I must and this includes losing my reduced offer from Durham University which given its stature just seems stupid. I feel I am just wasting my potential and leading to a terrible, miserable, boring life.

    Does anyone have any advice or potential options for me? I seriously need help.
    Firstly, you talk about experiencing depression - have you spoken to your GP or care team about leaving education? Counselling or therapy may be useful to you so you could get a referral to that. However it seems as though you are genuinely unhappy with your studies - you've talked about not feeling interested in anything in the working world. Is it fair to presume that you aren't overly enthusiastic about studying accounting and finance?

    If not, I would say you need to take some time to figure out what you want to do in life. Spending time and money studying for something you aren't sure you want to do isn't going to help your emotional wellbeing.

    Have you considered taking time out from education for a period? Maybe get involved in some volunteering or a part time job to gain some money if needed. If you are unable to work due to illness you can claim a benefit called ESA. You still have plenty of time to study later. I started uni when I was 19, however I later dropped out due to mental health difficulties. I'm now back at university at 25 and I am absolutely loving my new course. The time out definitely gave me time to start to recover and decide on what I really wanted in life. Good luck.


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    (Original post by bullettheory)
    Firstly, you talk about experiencing depression - have you spoken to your GP or care team about leaving education? Counselling or therapy may be useful to you so you could get a referral to that. However it seems as though you are genuinely unhappy with your studies - you've talked about not feeling interested in anything in the working world. Is it fair to presume that you aren't overly enthusiastic about studying accounting and finance?

    If not, I would say you need to take some time to figure out what you want to do in life. Spending time and money studying for something you aren't sure you want to do isn't going to help your emotional wellbeing.

    Have you considered taking time out from education for a period? Maybe get involved in some volunteering or a part time job to gain some money if needed. If you are unable to work due to illness you can claim a benefit called ESA. You still have plenty of time to study later. I started uni when I was 19, however I later dropped out due to mental health difficulties. I'm now back at university at 25 and I am absolutely loving my new course. The time out definitely gave me time to start to recover and decide on what I really wanted in life. Good luck.


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    This is sort of the decision im leaning to, I just need a break for a bit which will probably include a part-time job. Thanks for the reply.
 
 
 
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