Horrible Situation

Anon because my friends use this forum. Sorry for long post!

Ok, basically my parents have applied for a visa to move to New Zealand. They have no idea when it will arrive, but it could take until February.

My problem is, I have a horrible decision to make. I have to decide whether or not to go with them or to stay here. I've got the most amazing cliquey group of friends here, and a boyfriend of over a year, who I would have to leave behind.

I'm starting uni in September in England (or I've applied to, and got a place at UCL after going through so much to get it) but if I go to uni in England I'll be literally on my own except for my friends who will all be at various unis around the country. The academic year in New Zealand starts in February/March. So if I went with my parents I could go to a uni there. I was considering differing my place at UCL until I know what's going on. The degree I want to do is essentially the same in both countries.

I have no other family except my parents in this country, the little family I do have is in New Zealand (not that I know them that much anyway because I never talk to them). My parents are mad about going, they think it'll be a better quality of life - personally I'm so incredibly angry at them, I see it as them being unfulfilled in their life so they feel they have to move me to the otherside of the world away from everything I know and I doubt anything much will change when we're there anyway. I also don't get on very well with my mother.

I really want to stay in England so much, and I love my boyfriend. But is it worth staying here on my own in effect (my boyfriend is going to Cardiff so we won't be close) or should I move to the otherside of the world and be with my parents who I don't particularly get on with?

What would you do in this situation? Can anyone give me a fresh perspective? :s-smilie:

Reply 1

Brownie_89

UCL is a good university if I were you I would stay here and go to university and go to visit your parents in the holidays. There are many disadvantages though like having no one to help when you need something. But thats just my personal opinion.

Reply 2

username47781

20

I would say, if you really want to go to University, follow your dreams.

Reply 3

Cj-Tj

15

Its better to regret the things tried once than those opportunities you failed to take.

Personally, deffer a year, see what NZ is like (maybe go for a few weeks) then decide. It will be hard to leave your bf, but its up to you. Mates are nessesities, lads are accessories, even though I know how difficult that can be to understand if your in a great relationship.

Reply 4

--

3

Don't be pissed at your parents, you're at an age now where you need to be starting your own life anyway. I can't see the point of you moving to NZ, to a place where you only really know your parents (and who you say you don't particularly get on with), while back in the UK you have a place at a great university (I doubt anywhere in NZ comes even remotely close) and the chance to properly start your adult life. Even if you did move to NZ you'd probably be looking to move out and live on your own at some point in the near future anyway, so why travel all the way across the world, disrupt your education just to do the same thing anyway?

I'd recommend sitting down with your parents and trying to work out a way for you to stay in the UK. They will probably need to help you out (especially as uni accomodation does not last all year), but it is certainly doable - many people go to university with no family around and no extra support. With a little help from your family it should be easy enough to work out a way for it to be workable.

Reply 5

History_is...

6

When you get to university you won't see you family much anyway except for vacations, which you could still do if you stay here and go to UCL, plus you'd have friends to visit during term etc, so that's what I'd do personally, but obviously it's a personal choice.

Reply 6

khil

15

You obviously want to stay in England, so stay. You'll only regret leaving. Look, if you choose to move, you'll never come back to England and you'll see your friends maybe once every couple of years.

But if you stayed in England - if later you think it's not worth it, you always have the option of going back to New Zealand with your family. You're only stuck in England for 3 years if you decide you don't like it, you'll make new friends at uni and then when in the hols you can see all your friends from home. If you go to New Zealand you still wouldn't know anyone other than your current family, so you might as well stay with your friends.

Reply 7

tinypony

I am coming to the UK to study, and I have never visited the country before. (Well except for when I was interviewed at Merton college, but that was three days in the Oxford bubble, so that was the first time I travelled to the UK).
It would be fairly easy to remain in the UK since you've already got a social network and a place to stay. In the vacation period, well do like all the rest of overseas students: pay a little extra and you get to stay.

Reply 8

spark911

In all honestly, it will only make a difference for none-term time. Christmas/Easter/Summer you can be with your friends. But as far as uni goes, you'll have the same experience here or there, as you'll have a new group of friends.

So think about what you will do over the holidays. If you'll only work, then maybe go to NZ. Also, what are the family finances like, if you stay here. Can they afford, or can you, to fly back home in the holidays, or at least twice a year?

Reply 9

tetrahydrocannabinol.

10

Stay in the UK. You might split from your boyfriend, but you wouldn't have that deep regret, and you'll be in a familiar place with your friends at least a train ride away, and as 3232 said, you could use the space from your parents for a while by the sounds of it. And that's no bad thing. I had problems with my parents and finally leaving the nest and going to uni completely alone (I have no contact with them now and am living with my bf's family - long story, not saying your situation's the same) I really found myself, and learned to do things for myself. Your independence will make you stronger. I reckon stay in the good old UK.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks for all your replies, they really help :smile:

spark911, my family finances are not great, we could probably afford one flight a year though. They certainly can't afford to support me, I'd have to live off my student loan, which is doable I suppose.

I do want to stay here, but the main problem is, I will be on my own. I will have no friends and no family at uni anyway, and I'm not sure if I could be that much on my own. Atleast in NZ I'd be near family.

I still don't know, but going through it has definately helped a lot.

Reply 11

Ang|ophi|e

12

I think you should stay in the UK. UCL is an excellent university and it would be a shame to give it up just so you could be near your parents. There are plenty of international students who come to study at these universities and are on their own. They are about your age as well. It just depends for you how close you are to your parents and if you can handle living without them so close. When you go to uni, in no time you'll make friends and become independent. Growing up and leaving your family is part of life. It won't be easy at first but soon you will get use to it. :smile:

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