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Trust Issues & Wanting Ex Back
Hi,
I tried to example this situation before but unfortunately I made it too tiring to read lol. Here goes:
I have been seeing my x for 18months and took her baby on when she was 2 months old. She is 19 I am 20 and the baby is 2. The relationship broke down ealier this year, but we have not long stopped seeing each other unofficially.
Recently I have realised I want her back, and things have been going well, we have both slept with other people since, she said both were not as good performance and they meant nothing making it much worse, so she says. She also says sex with me means something and she isn't too interested in them. I have also slept with people but im selfish and I can't deal with her with other lads.
I have stopped taking interests in other women, and have spent time with her, but I know she is still texting other lads, receiving them when im with her. I get so paranoid and sometimes it can be her mum or her mates.
She wanted to move in with me the other week and now we are back to square 1. I work on the door and some slag through herself at me who I didn't even know just as she was about to ask me to try again. She didn't ask me to try again after then.
I also bought an engagement ring for commitment, I never got chance to propose because she was out in birmingham, I know she didn't do anything with anyone but did take some coke, which I disapprove of.
She has gone on holiday and I have discovered she has many flirting website profiles and has many lads who have signed up for her. I asked her what she wants and she says she doesn't know she confused, but she seemed happy when I rang, may be to wind me up, she has gone to wales with her daughter and family.
I have suggested that we go away next monday for a few days, on my 20th birthday, to newquay with her daughter and spend sometime together, ultimately to talk to one another. I need to ask her if she is wanting to commit with me, delete all other lads from her phone she has met from the internet and take down all of her flirting websites. My friend does not believe she will do this since she is really into it. Also I will do the same and I will ask her to find a new place to live move in with me, im not sure what she will say.
How do you guys wreakon I can make the mood right so that we can get caught in the moment and sort things with her. Its either me or the websites etc.
Thanks Very Much.
P.s she says she needs time to think while on holiday and it is proving difficult sitting and waiting, But i think its all or nothing on monday. what would you guys do?
I tried to example this situation before but unfortunately I made it too tiring to read lol. Here goes:
I have been seeing my x for 18months and took her baby on when she was 2 months old. She is 19 I am 20 and the baby is 2. The relationship broke down ealier this year, but we have not long stopped seeing each other unofficially.
Recently I have realised I want her back, and things have been going well, we have both slept with other people since, she said both were not as good performance and they meant nothing making it much worse, so she says. She also says sex with me means something and she isn't too interested in them. I have also slept with people but im selfish and I can't deal with her with other lads.
I have stopped taking interests in other women, and have spent time with her, but I know she is still texting other lads, receiving them when im with her. I get so paranoid and sometimes it can be her mum or her mates.
She wanted to move in with me the other week and now we are back to square 1. I work on the door and some slag through herself at me who I didn't even know just as she was about to ask me to try again. She didn't ask me to try again after then.
I also bought an engagement ring for commitment, I never got chance to propose because she was out in birmingham, I know she didn't do anything with anyone but did take some coke, which I disapprove of.
She has gone on holiday and I have discovered she has many flirting website profiles and has many lads who have signed up for her. I asked her what she wants and she says she doesn't know she confused, but she seemed happy when I rang, may be to wind me up, she has gone to wales with her daughter and family.
I have suggested that we go away next monday for a few days, on my 20th birthday, to newquay with her daughter and spend sometime together, ultimately to talk to one another. I need to ask her if she is wanting to commit with me, delete all other lads from her phone she has met from the internet and take down all of her flirting websites. My friend does not believe she will do this since she is really into it. Also I will do the same and I will ask her to find a new place to live move in with me, im not sure what she will say.
How do you guys wreakon I can make the mood right so that we can get caught in the moment and sort things with her. Its either me or the websites etc.
Thanks Very Much.
P.s she says she needs time to think while on holiday and it is proving difficult sitting and waiting, But i think its all or nothing on monday. what would you guys do?
help anyone?
I would go ahead with your plan, it sounds like a little bit of maturity in the whole situation. There is no need to worry about getting the mood right, if you have to set it up then that mood was obviously never meant to happen. At the end of the day you could end up talking properly in a very romantic situation or while the kid is being a little devil and there are toys being thrown about, you'll know when the time is right to talk to her.
Honestly not trying to sound harsh but this sounds like something you'd see on Jeremy Kyle. I have no decent advice, though, because I haven't been in your situation and found your post tricky to decipher
well i have just come off the phone to her and she seemed okay we spoke for a bit but the problem is she doesn't know. She said she needs to think and that she isn't sure what she wants. I take the fact that she rang me as a good sign, since she can't ring me when her parents are around since they don't like me because I don't agree with the way they behave and I am painted out to be the bad guy.
Anyways she says she isn't sure what she wants so she needs to use the holiday as an opportunity to think. Our mate says she is fighting a loosing battle, but im determined. I just need to trust her and vice versa. She swears there is no one else, but im considering her moving in and starting fresh, is there anything u guys would do differently or try doing to help the situation.
Cheers
P.S. she says she will contact me when she is ready, perhaps leaving her will make her realise how much she misses me?
Anyways she says she isn't sure what she wants so she needs to use the holiday as an opportunity to think. Our mate says she is fighting a loosing battle, but im determined. I just need to trust her and vice versa. She swears there is no one else, but im considering her moving in and starting fresh, is there anything u guys would do differently or try doing to help the situation.
Cheers
P.S. she says she will contact me when she is ready, perhaps leaving her will make her realise how much she misses me?
Leave it until you go away together. Speak then.
She has agreed to go away for your 20th hasn't she??
She has agreed to go away for your 20th hasn't she??
yeah she says she will come she is just sick of me asking she said she wants to think and the 20th happens 2 be my 20th bday
OK, well leave her until like the 18th, and then ring her to check she is still coming and arrange a time and a place to meet, and then meet there.
Other than to work that little getaway out, don't contact her. You can talk to her when you know you're alone together, not over a phone when she's on holiday and she's sat with god knows who, and she's had god knows what to drink etc etc etc. There is nothing that can beat talking face to face, especially when you're alone and relaxed. Just make sure you get her in that situation with you, alone, relaxed, good to talk.
Other than to work that little getaway out, don't contact her. You can talk to her when you know you're alone together, not over a phone when she's on holiday and she's sat with god knows who, and she's had god knows what to drink etc etc etc. There is nothing that can beat talking face to face, especially when you're alone and relaxed. Just make sure you get her in that situation with you, alone, relaxed, good to talk.
okay will do and she if defo up for it we used to do loads of things like this, i will most probably pick her up from her house. I am working away sat and sun and will come back mon morning, would b a nice birthday present to make it up with her.
Just really annoying that she is 'confused' and everything. Im free at the start of the working week which is when im more likely to ponder on things and let them get to me. She maybe out in birmingham sat night and it really bugs me what she is upto, but my mates reassure me she does nothing.
Cheers folks
PS booking a hotel next to the beach, will need babysitter and a good few drinks i wreakon
Just really annoying that she is 'confused' and everything. Im free at the start of the working week which is when im more likely to ponder on things and let them get to me. She maybe out in birmingham sat night and it really bugs me what she is upto, but my mates reassure me she does nothing.
Cheers folks
PS booking a hotel next to the beach, will need babysitter and a good few drinks i wreakon
also if she wanted me that bad, surely she wouldn't need to think about it? We did have some tough times but some really good ones also.
any other thoughts guys as its doing my head in? Do you think she would give up her flirting websites and other lads numbers for me and start a new life with me, since neither parents likes either of us? are there any girls who would share there opinion?
Cheers
Cheers
well we sort of broke up in march but carried on seeing her, we argued about somethings and since i slept with someone else she did the same. But I have found out she has been on these dating websites since we split up, but still seeing each other, while we were not 'offically' going out.
Basically we have both slept with a few other people and she is going out more often, the trust is gone, she tells me she doesn't do anything and my mate she is with reassures me and she usually tells me when she has done something and to my knowledge she hasn't done as much as me which makes me a hypocrite.
I just want to start over, but she knows that I love her so much and I believe is taking advantage of that. I also believe that she loves me too but like she says she needs to think about getting back with me while she is away, or whether to carry on the dating websites. I'm just so paranoid asto what she is doing down there who she is texting etc. She says she misses me so if I leave her to it, it may make her miss me more? Shes at wales with her parents etc so its unlikely that she will do anything. however her mum will encourage to do so.
Any advice guys, cheers for listening just helps me try and understand
Basically we have both slept with a few other people and she is going out more often, the trust is gone, she tells me she doesn't do anything and my mate she is with reassures me and she usually tells me when she has done something and to my knowledge she hasn't done as much as me which makes me a hypocrite.
I just want to start over, but she knows that I love her so much and I believe is taking advantage of that. I also believe that she loves me too but like she says she needs to think about getting back with me while she is away, or whether to carry on the dating websites. I'm just so paranoid asto what she is doing down there who she is texting etc. She says she misses me so if I leave her to it, it may make her miss me more? Shes at wales with her parents etc so its unlikely that she will do anything. however her mum will encourage to do so.
Any advice guys, cheers for listening just helps me try and understand
Hmm.
If it were me, i'd really think about it before getting back with her.
You need to be able to trust each other. Otherwise everytime she goes out with you, your going to be thinking 'what is she doing?'. If you ever find her in a compromising situation, it really might just be innocent, but you're unlikely to believe her. If you ever find texts on her phone or men call her you'll be suspicious.
Im just saying all that because thats what happened to me ^^^. It takes a long time to start trusting somebody again, and then it takes a second for it all to be ruined.
It could work, but it will take a lot of work. Do you like her enough to go through all of that???
If it were me, i'd really think about it before getting back with her.
You need to be able to trust each other. Otherwise everytime she goes out with you, your going to be thinking 'what is she doing?'. If you ever find her in a compromising situation, it really might just be innocent, but you're unlikely to believe her. If you ever find texts on her phone or men call her you'll be suspicious.
Im just saying all that because thats what happened to me ^^^. It takes a long time to start trusting somebody again, and then it takes a second for it all to be ruined.
It could work, but it will take a lot of work. Do you like her enough to go through all of that???
i was kinda where you are now about a month ago. basically me n this boy went out for a year n so, split up (my fault) but carried on seeing each other. i was the one who would have flings but always went back to him, but by march he'd had enough and this manipulative cow sunk her claws into him, as they say.
she already had a boyfriend but played the boy who i was seeing to be such a fool. she'd say to him that her boyfriend was her ex & best friend - thats all it was, but we'd see her in town with him. how she managed to bull**** him is beyond me, she is a bloody cow. anyway, he did some awful things to me whilst under her thumb, he egged my house, gave me abuse at school. everyone knew what she was upto but *shrugs* i was the only one who said somat cos i cared.
so he got in touch in june n we made our peace, sort of. he said he didnt want to see me but we ended up seeing each other and i told him what an idiot he'd been and hed acknowledged it, but i found out he was still going round to her house.
we got really close again, n 1 day he just changed & said i dont wanna see you again but i dont want you out of my life. i refused to talk to him cos i said what i want is a second go n if im not going to get that, ill go without it all because its just being played about that i cant handle. so after hed been to birmingham himself for the weekend, hed come back n a string of texts ensued going on about how he loved me, n hed made a huge mistake n wants me back.
so yeah, i took him back. but it wasnt easy. the paranoia doesnt go away. when theyve broken your trust, its hard to gain it back n alex really did not help himself. i found out on the day he left me, he'd gone back to her house after n showed her the texts i sent. then he was still talking to her even though he knew it unsettled me. it wasnt until the bitch went psycho hacking into his myspace, leaving me abuse (denying it all obv) but got caught out, that he actually said right, im having you out of my life.
whatever happens, it wont settle the trust issues you have immediately. i still look at him sometimes n think "are you or are you not my baby", "do you really love me", "is what you say is true?", "are you still talking to her, i wonder", "did you do the same with her", it doesnt go away. its been a month and we're both gonna prolly run into her on results day which'll be fantastic.
however long you've been with someone - me n al have been on and off since 2003, hes a huge part of my life, once they do something to really betray your trust, its going to be hard if youre a pushover n still want em back.
i know its gonna be hard but break off all contact like the previous post said until nearer your 20th. if shes anything like al, she'll end up missing you. apart from that, everything else is going to take A LOT OF TIME to get back to how it was. you did wrong, she did wrong, but youre most hurt by it. so it'll affect you more.
sorry ive babbled on so much. im at work (a reason in itself :P)
she already had a boyfriend but played the boy who i was seeing to be such a fool. she'd say to him that her boyfriend was her ex & best friend - thats all it was, but we'd see her in town with him. how she managed to bull**** him is beyond me, she is a bloody cow. anyway, he did some awful things to me whilst under her thumb, he egged my house, gave me abuse at school. everyone knew what she was upto but *shrugs* i was the only one who said somat cos i cared.
so he got in touch in june n we made our peace, sort of. he said he didnt want to see me but we ended up seeing each other and i told him what an idiot he'd been and hed acknowledged it, but i found out he was still going round to her house.
we got really close again, n 1 day he just changed & said i dont wanna see you again but i dont want you out of my life. i refused to talk to him cos i said what i want is a second go n if im not going to get that, ill go without it all because its just being played about that i cant handle. so after hed been to birmingham himself for the weekend, hed come back n a string of texts ensued going on about how he loved me, n hed made a huge mistake n wants me back.
so yeah, i took him back. but it wasnt easy. the paranoia doesnt go away. when theyve broken your trust, its hard to gain it back n alex really did not help himself. i found out on the day he left me, he'd gone back to her house after n showed her the texts i sent. then he was still talking to her even though he knew it unsettled me. it wasnt until the bitch went psycho hacking into his myspace, leaving me abuse (denying it all obv) but got caught out, that he actually said right, im having you out of my life.
whatever happens, it wont settle the trust issues you have immediately. i still look at him sometimes n think "are you or are you not my baby", "do you really love me", "is what you say is true?", "are you still talking to her, i wonder", "did you do the same with her", it doesnt go away. its been a month and we're both gonna prolly run into her on results day which'll be fantastic.
however long you've been with someone - me n al have been on and off since 2003, hes a huge part of my life, once they do something to really betray your trust, its going to be hard if youre a pushover n still want em back.
i know its gonna be hard but break off all contact like the previous post said until nearer your 20th. if shes anything like al, she'll end up missing you. apart from that, everything else is going to take A LOT OF TIME to get back to how it was. you did wrong, she did wrong, but youre most hurt by it. so it'll affect you more.
sorry ive babbled on so much. im at work (a reason in itself :P)
yes I love her enough to be like that. I know she loves me and so does her daughter which makes things so much harder but I need her to stop with this flirting thing. Or should I let her use it and trust her to say she is in a relationship and use it as a way to talk to people especially if she moves with me?
I can really loose my temper when I suspect something. I don't mean to be arrogant but im a handy lad, I get into a lot of fights from working the door and I find it hard to stop myself. Like when we were both out some lad she said she worked with put his head on her should from behind and she put her hand round his head, I now assume to listen to what he had to say, and I went mad I had a drink and offered him out etc etc. The only reason I didn't get stuck in was because it was my mates door and I think its disrespectful to fight on someone elses door.
Also when she texts someone or I text someone we both want to know who it is what they have said etc etc. I want to trust her by starting fresh, getting her back down behind the bar she and I worked at.
What would u do?
Cheers mate
I can really loose my temper when I suspect something. I don't mean to be arrogant but im a handy lad, I get into a lot of fights from working the door and I find it hard to stop myself. Like when we were both out some lad she said she worked with put his head on her should from behind and she put her hand round his head, I now assume to listen to what he had to say, and I went mad I had a drink and offered him out etc etc. The only reason I didn't get stuck in was because it was my mates door and I think its disrespectful to fight on someone elses door.
Also when she texts someone or I text someone we both want to know who it is what they have said etc etc. I want to trust her by starting fresh, getting her back down behind the bar she and I worked at.
What would u do?
Cheers mate
Thank you very much saaa I much appricate your post. I hope it is all working out at your end, and it nice to hear it from a girls point of view.
Think is while she is away I can't really talk to her as she says she needs time to think and if her parents know im talking to her etc they wil be upset.
Anyway I think she is missing me yet she is trying to not let it show, she says to me she is good at hiding her feelings now. Im going to give her the ultimatum and say its either with me or without me. I know she will be upset if I leave but im not sure she will want me back.
She says the other 2 lads she has slept with were both just sex and meant nothing and wasn't as good performance wise and because they didn't mean anything? Im just confused that she wants time to think as she claims to really be confused as I know there are other lads out there who are rich etc and Im a poor student, I have an okay car, live on my own etc but I only make like £400 a week take home and have bi out goings.
Im just not sure I want to trust her but she has a bad track record and that does bother me. However, before she went we spent alot of time together sleeping round, going for dinner etc. We started having sex using condoms (we didn't before because she had the pill and we had only slept with each other). She began by not performing oral sex on me then progressively started, I refuse to perform oral sex on her at this moment in time. Also we never kissed but we started kissing each other loads before she went.
I think she is confused cos we fell out, not talking for a whole month and im not suprised that its all gone to pot, but I think she has feelings for me and that is why she is finding it hard. But like I have said its all or nothing, if she says no I will start sleeping around.
Cheers
Think is while she is away I can't really talk to her as she says she needs time to think and if her parents know im talking to her etc they wil be upset.
Anyway I think she is missing me yet she is trying to not let it show, she says to me she is good at hiding her feelings now. Im going to give her the ultimatum and say its either with me or without me. I know she will be upset if I leave but im not sure she will want me back.
She says the other 2 lads she has slept with were both just sex and meant nothing and wasn't as good performance wise and because they didn't mean anything? Im just confused that she wants time to think as she claims to really be confused as I know there are other lads out there who are rich etc and Im a poor student, I have an okay car, live on my own etc but I only make like £400 a week take home and have bi out goings.
Im just not sure I want to trust her but she has a bad track record and that does bother me. However, before she went we spent alot of time together sleeping round, going for dinner etc. We started having sex using condoms (we didn't before because she had the pill and we had only slept with each other). She began by not performing oral sex on me then progressively started, I refuse to perform oral sex on her at this moment in time. Also we never kissed but we started kissing each other loads before she went.
I think she is confused cos we fell out, not talking for a whole month and im not suprised that its all gone to pot, but I think she has feelings for me and that is why she is finding it hard. But like I have said its all or nothing, if she says no I will start sleeping around.
Cheers
oh and i forgot to mention she gets mad if she sees people I have been with, one or 2 inparticular at one of the doors I work at.
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