Relationship Advice

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    • Thread Starter
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    So I've been dating my boyfriend at uni for a year now and I love him more than anything in the world and think he might be the one and I love being in a relationship with him. However, I am worried that if he is my only one I ever date (he is my first boyfriend) I will never know if he is really 'the one' and what other experiences with other people are like. He has been at uni for two years before me so he has had the time to be single, mess around, get with people on nights out and have one night stands. I got into this relationship pretty much as soon as I came to uni so I have never had the chance to try/do any of this... and I am worried I will never get the chance to. I don't want to have regrets when I'm older for not trying this stuff out? Is this weird? But I love him more than anything in the world and don't want to break up... but then I know I'll always wonder about getting with other people and having the chance to have fun while I'm a student. I just wish I met him in my third year of university instead of as soon as I arrived Please help! What do I do?
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    This is a difficult one to navigate.

    Personally, I am on my second relationship and I don't feel the need to be with another person ever again for the rest of my life. That's just how I feel because nothing would ever match up to what I have right now, I'm not missing out on anything.
    I believe this to be a combination of already knowing that sex and stuff is really only fun for me with someone I love, and that we are just so right for each other that I don't need to see what else is out there.

    Can I ask, do you feel like the reason why you feel this way is just not knowing or being inexperienced? Or do you think you're likely to find something better than you have now?

    In my experience "you just know" when you're with someone you want to remain with. It's just one of those things that I think we have gut feelings about. Do you feel excited and happy about the prospect of living together, getting married, having kids and basically being with this person forever? Or is it tainted by sadness that you'll have missed out?

    I could assure you that if he's the one for you then you're not missing out, but the fact you're feeling like this makes me wonder if he really is the one for you.

    What I will say is that if you love him and don't want to break up with him, then don't. Enjoy your time together, look after each other. Nobody is talking about marriage yet are they? but if you can't continue on without feeling like you want to be with other people, don't lead him on if he appears to want to get serious.

    Listen to your gut - it isn't wrong.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by PandaCalavera)
    This is a difficult one to navigate.

    Personally, I am on my second relationship and I don't feel the need to be with another person ever again for the rest of my life. That's just how I feel because nothing would ever match up to what I have right now, I'm not missing out on anything.
    I believe this to be a combination of already knowing that sex and stuff is really only fun for me with someone I love, and that we are just so right for each other that I don't need to see what else is out there.

    Can I ask, do you feel like the reason why you feel this way is just not knowing or being inexperienced? Or do you think you're likely to find something better than you have now?

    In my experience "you just know" when you're with someone you want to remain with. It's just one of those things that I think we have gut feelings about. Do you feel excited and happy about the prospect of living together, getting married, having kids and basically being with this person forever? Or is it tainted by sadness that you'll have missed out?

    I could assure you that if he's the one for you then you're not missing out, but the fact you're feeling like this makes me wonder if he really is the one for you.

    What I will say is that if you love him and don't want to break up with him, then don't. Enjoy your time together, look after each other. Nobody is talking about marriage yet are they? but if you can't continue on without feeling like you want to be with other people, don't lead him on if he appears to want to get serious.

    Listen to your gut - it isn't wrong.
    No I don't think that anything would match up to what I have now and I definitely don't want to give it up. But I can't help feel how I do and these thoughts are constantly in the back of my mind. I shouldn't have to prove to myself that I'm im not missing out on something because I have the best relationship, which is why I'm so confused. I really think he is the one but I don't want to miss out on these experiences (those that he has had and my friends are having). He is the one I want to remain with and yes I feel excited about all those future things, but I feel like I need to get all these feelings I'm having out of my system before I can be truly happy.
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    I wouldn't say if you have to have been with other people in the past or have previous experience to realise or not that your current partner could be the one you settle down with. I've only ever been in one relationship and haven't had sex with anyone other than my partner and I knew pretty early on he was the one I wanted to be with and he felt the same and he had no previous partners or experience either. Having sex and fooling around was never something I was interested in anyway so I don't feel like I have missed out on anything by being young and only sticking to the one person for nearly 8 years now but each to their own.

    I do understand your doubts but I truly believe that if someone really is the love of your life and the relationship is healthy, fun and progressing well, you wouldn't be having doubts about missing out in the future by not trying things out with other people, your current partner would be enough for you. There might be some underlying problems with you or your relationship or insecurities you may have that are leading you to have these doubts, especially since he is your first boyfriend. The only advice I would suggest is to really have a good think about everything. Think about what you really want right now - a committed relationship or messing around? Does your current partner tick most of the boxes of what you would like in a partner? Are you genuinely happy with him? There are no right or wrong answers to those questions but finding an answer to them might help you.

    I wouldn't make any rash decisions, like you said things are going well and you don't want to break up but its worth having a good think about the future and if these thoughts and doubts continue, it would be worth talking to your partner about them. Since you aren't his first partner, maybe he felt the same in past relationships?
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    Go with your instincts..
 
 
 
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