I feel like I made a terrible choice going to university, it's almost the end of the second week and i'm already hating it here. I ended up coming home for the second half of freshers week because after arriving late the first day my room mates had all buddied up and excluded me, went out drinking and clubbing the first night without even inviting me, and after saying goodbye to my parents I was in a low mood anyway and could've done with some kind of distraction, but instead all I got was an empty flat until 11 o'clock when they got back, drunkenly shouting and screaming before going into one of the other flatmate's room and putting the music on until 4am
I suffer from social anxiety so i've not felt comfortable going up to them and starting a conversation, i'm fine when it's one person but they're always together and apart from my neighbour who i met on arrival i've not met any of the other flatmates because i'm too scared to, and don't seem like the sort of people i'd get along with. Not even inviting me on the first night made me already dislike them as i'd never intentionally exclude someone, and they're inconsiderate of other people, like blaring music until 5am on the Sunday night before lessons started when I had a 9am lecture so I had no sleep on the first day of class. They're more party-goers and i've always been an more of an introvert so even if i'd gotten along with them i would've isolated myself from them quickly since when i get back to my room I just want to sit down and read a book, watch some TV or do some drawing
This constant low mood has me hardly eating, sleeping and i've even missed a few lessons during my first week because i've lost motivation and start crying before i get out the door. I'm crying myself to sleep every night, i'm not the most sociable person but the entire lack of socialisation has me feeling so depressed, especially since most of my other friends who have gone to university are loving it and get along with their flat mates
I'm so paranoid about being noisy or making any disturbance that might draw attention to myself, I hate showering because the walls are so thin they can hear me when i'm in there, I'm not eating but when I do its always in my room, i've been in the kitchen twice and each time i've waited until I was sure no one was in there to go in there. I'm only buying ready to eat meals or ones you only need to add water to so i'm never in the kitchen for more than 5 minutes
It sounds ridiculous but I really don't see how long I can stay here, my social anxiety has gotten better over the years to the point I started to doubt whether I had it anymore, but this whole experience makes me feel like i'm going crazy, and as a person who is usually in control, positive and never cries i'm crying every night and feel so lonely, especially when I can hear my flatmates having fun down the hall
I feel like i've become a completely different person in such a short space of time, and the heightened stress has me feeling constantly ill I really don't know what to do. I just can't wait for this first year to be over as I won't have to stay in accommodation next year
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