Should I share my inheritance with my parents?

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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hello, I am just wondering if anyone can offer any advice regarding a situation I am in.

    My dads step mother recentley passed away. She has in her will divided the amount to the 5 grandchildren (including me). I have received X amount today.

    Now the problem is this:

    Another aunt passed away a year ago and left X amount to my dad. My dad bought himself a nearly brand new car with the money but also did renovate the house and pay off his mortgage. My mother did not get any of this money but was grateful for the improvements in the house. My dad told me I would get some, however upon reading the letter I realised no more was left to come. He had not told me about the money because he feared he would feel pressure to split it. Both me and my mother was hurt how he spent all the money without even telling me. He did afterwards help me buy a car, however this was a about 1 fifth worth of the total money he received.

    Now the problem is is that before I received X amount from my dads step mother. Me, my mother and my dad agreed to split the money 3 ways to avoid arguments in the future. I did this to avoid my dad being shady again and keeping all of the money to himself. (We believe my aunt who passed away would have wanted some for all of the family not just him.)

    I told my mother I was uncomfortable splitting the money 3 ways now I know the money is in my name and not his. He belives it is not fair the money has gone to me and the other grandkids, as some did not ever bother with my step mother wheras he did. He also argues it was his fathers money which rightly should go to him.

    I have told my mother I am not comfortable splitting 3 ways, when the money my dad received prior from the aunt was hidden from me and spent before discussing what was going to be done. Now I have received X amount, my dad is pressurising me to split the money 3 ways or split it 50/50 with him and me, ignoring my mother.

    He has said I dont need to ask anyone and should make a desicion tonight. He is doing this as he belives I wont give him anything otherwise. He is saying how he pays all the bills and does not have a pension (despite spending a large portion of the previous money on a new car!) He also says he has always looked after me and kept me fed and not made me pay lodge. He feels hard done by as the money has not been left to him. He is getting argumentative and wanting me to make a desicion now. My mother is willing to give up all of her share I said I would give her to aovid arguments, but I dont think this is fair.

    Sorry for the ramble but basically I have X amount now, somepeople have said it's my inheritance I should do what I want, and neither him or my mother should get anything, but others have said maybe they should get some but not all of it, especially with how argumentative and pressurising and shady my dad has been in the past.

    What do you guys think is fair? Am I being unreasnoble saying I don't want to split three ways? Should I even be in this position when the money is in my name and I am the one with the future ahead of me?

    Ahh!
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    It is your money end of story.
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    gee best advice of the year award
    #2

    IMO i feel your dad is being a little too selfish and greedy. Yes he has done everything he can to raise you and look after you, but lets be honest, this is what he is meant to do anyway. He has already spent a large chuknk of money on himself only, which shows he is very selfish and didn't even tellk you guys. But lets assume he did it for his own best interests, a car, making the house better etc.., what exactly is he going to do now with it? Like comeon, its not your fault he hasn't got a pension, don't let him play that game on you, most parents without any logical reason start to bring up dumb **** that you aren't responsible for in anyway. tbh, who really needs it the most. Money that is inherited should be used intelligently. he has lived his life, now you live yours and use that money in you own way, don't let him use the "i helped you and you my child" game on you. It funny how parents act when money is suddenly present, all of a sudden they give a **** lol, well, shows doesn't it.
    good luck
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    Either keep your word and split 3 ways or reason that your dad already got an inheritance and spent it so now it's your turn.
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    Under normal circumstances I'd have said you should keep it for yourself. However since your dad's specifically asking for a share, I think you should just go ahead and split it three ways.

    Firstly, your dad has a point in that you don't have any living costs. Secondly, I'm sure your mum would be really happy getting a third of the money. Thirdly, you said yourself that your dad spent a fifth of his money on your car. Fourthly, the house renovations he paid for benefit you as well since you also live there! And lastly, he's your dad! He won't be around forever so I feel there's no point causing/feeling unnecessary heartache over something as petty as money.
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    Sorry about your dad. He's being a douche. Perhaps understandably, since his stepmother decided he wasn't the best recipient of her money.
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    Hmmm....Maybe don't split it evenly. Give like 25% to your mum, 25% to your dad, and keep 50% for yourself? It is your money after all, but I understand the stress that your dad is putting you through:/ Hope everything works out alright.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thanks for all your responses!
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    Ultimately the money is in your name and you are free to do what you want with it. Don't be pressured into making a decision you don't want to make. Likewise though consider your situation. It's not uncommon to hear a story where a child annoyed the parents and the parents kicked them out or something. This may be an exageration but it's probably not worth causing major family drama over.

    As far as guilt tripping you because you don't pay rent, that's a load of rubbish. If they wanted you to pay rent they should ask. We don't know your age but part of a parents responsibility to their children is to take care of them. You wouldn't expect a young child to pay the bills or anything so that's not an excuse. If you're older than 18 you can argue that you are now legally an adult and a lot of people would expect someone that age to pay rent. But that's your parents decision.

    If you want to give a little back for everything your parents have done over the years that is fine. But considering what you mentioned I wouldn't think you were wrong for keeping the money for yourself. It is in your name and yours to do whatever you want with.
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    I don't know how much X is, but considering it is large enough for an argument I'm imagining it must be a significant amount of money.
    Your Dad has already paid off his mortgage and has a new car, so presumably doesn't actually need the money, however I'm guessing that you don't yet own a house and the money could be used towards a deposit.
    I'd tell your Dad that he won't be getting any of the money, and neither will your Mum, on the basis of what you could do with the money is more useful than how they would spend it, but reassure your Dad that you will spend the money sensibly and not just throw it away on material possessions.
    Most parents would be completely happy with this kind of reasoning as they surely don't want you living with them forever and getting on the housing ladder is becoming more and more difficult.
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    theres no right or wrong answer, its up to you as its YOURS

    if you wanted to give some to your parents then do and if you don't then don't

    If I was ever given some inheritance I'd give a good percentage to my mother but wouldn't give anything to my dad, simply because I don't like him
 
 
 
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