This is predominantly related to my mental health and general quality of life, however, it does cross over to work related issues and other aspects of my life, hence posting here.
Over the last 6 months I've gone from feeling somewhat motivated, moved out of family home across country to be with partner; ready to tackle the next chapter in my life, after having worked for a toxic horrible boss. Fast forward to now, I'm back on medication and seeking therapy on NHS for anxiety and depression for like the 4th time in my life. I hate my job, (again I'm working for an *** of a boss) it has been a massive contributory factor as to my decline in health.
Workers are two-faced, boss is manipulative and gives you less and less hours, keeps you dangling on a shoe string because she can- as its zero hour. Gives all her favourites hours, and her gang of bullies like to keep within their clique and make your life a living hell. Yeah 21st century employment in Britain, special thanks to the Tories and successive govs not tackling discrimination in workforce effectively.
Second most important fact in my decline; I've also been looking for graduate work for the last year and a half- working very hard to draft my applications. I've had two interviews. One was for the NHS for an internship which I didn't get. Interview went to **** as I was far too nervous and I didn't feel I was what they were looking for.
Second interview I had on Wednesday; I was very positive about this one as I studied around the topic of that particular industry at Uni, specialised in it as part of my dissertation, prepared and was optimistic.
I got in there and immediately went nervous and limp and could hardly communicate and when I did I couldn't do so in a confident projected manner and I came off as un-enthusiastic, additionally, the interviewer was a little bit rude and smirking into his hands as I was talking- while giving glances at the other person. It was off putting and mildly offensive to say the least. I came away pretty upset, and frustrated at the rudeness and the fact it means i have to stay in this horrible job for longer.
It's my birthday in two days and I have no money to do anything to treat myself nor does my partner. We can't even do anything to cheer myself up, and I doubt others will remember my birthday!
Fed up you know. Just fed up. Life is truly ****. All these people that try shoving that happy clappy rubbish down your throat. Yeah, I've lived with this for rubbish for years man.
I'm not even hopeful about counselling anymore, as my counsellor just seems pretty clueless and states the obvious. She talks in a very sort of eccentrically charged manner and its just a bit like 'can you just be quiet and let me talk' rather than getting wrong end of stick.
I've gained no real insight into my behaviour since starting therapy again, and quite frankly the psychotherapy I paid for privately before this was much better. However no money and beggars can't be choosers.
Counsellor now wants to move our sessions to fortnightly, how the **** did that help anyone?
1. Work in a horrible toxic job- made me ill, want to leave but cant find another job.
2. Not eating properly, with little money, and work related stress
3. Suffered/suffering from anxiety/depression for last 3-4 years. Seeking therapy for 3rd time in my life. Isn't working, and is not as good as my last therapist.
4. Not happy with where i'm living, moved here to be with partner and evere since I've been miserable. Different culture, bigger place, a bit more dangerous, a lot of poverty.
5. Been searching for a grad job for nearly two years. Had two interviews. Both went badly, due to nerves and the most recent one the interviewer smirked into his hands at me. Which I found to be very rude and insulting.
6. I'm back to square one. It's my birthday next week, I or partner have no money, can't do anything and nobody has mentioned my birthday and I doubt they'll remember.
7. Life is ****!
Feeling quite unsatisfied with life right now
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