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What do you think about car drivers giving lifts.. How do I handle this situation. Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter

    I always give a woman who doesn't drive a lift home from my sports club. I offered at first about a year and half ago but it's become a regular thing twice a week. She is the one who locks up which means I usually wait for her then drive about a mile out of my way (approximately, I'm no good at estimating distance!) to drop her off. The thing is it goes dark early now and she has to walk down a dark path (a cut through) to get home so by leaving her I feel like I'm putting her at risk, like if she got attacked it will be because I didn't drive her home! Her husband very occasionally picks her up but they have relationship problems, he's not always available and he is used to not picking her up now. Apparently according to her he thinks I'm weird anyway because I don't bother with boyfriends/relationships and when I did see someone he was double my age lol, it's just how I am though.

    I find it a bit of a chore though waiting around for her at the club and then dropping her off. Last week we arranged to go to a evening sports event together and because it was in the city (and I didn't want to be driving through rush hour traffic/hate driving when I'm lost) I wanted to catch the bus. She text me saying that driving would be better as she once got lost in the city catching buses and it was a nightmare etc. So I gave in and drove there, giving 2 other people we saw who we knew there a lift back home too! A young lad on my course at uni has also said I could give him a lift to uni in the morning as he lives in the town next to mine. I told him it takes an hour and half in traffic about the same time as the bus but he said he preferes cars, I didn't say anything. He wants to go to a sports class with me (which I'd like to do) but again I'm afraid of the whole giving a lift thing starting, us getting more familiar and then him wanting a lift to uni. I don't mind giving one off lifts I like helping people but I prefere driving on my own it means I can chill out more/listen to music/sing along lol rather than having to talk which drains my energy. I find it almost impossible to say no to people and sometimes end up making excuse

    How do most people deal with this?

    I've got around it by having a car that breaks down all the time, but I'm not sure that the advantages of this solution outweigh the disadvantages.
    Have you tried explaining that fuel is too expensive or claiming that you're not happy driving after dark unless it's really needed?

    It's your car, and you shouldn't have to be designated driver all the time. Perhaps you just need to be a bit more assertive (I find this sort of situation hard too, if it's any sort of consolation)?

    Also, a good rule of thumb could be that if you're not planning to drive anyway, you won't drive for somebody else without a very good excuse? That might help cut back on the amount of time you take driving, at least.

    Honestly, you need to toughen up and say no.
    Alternatively, as for petrol money. Cars aren't cheap, and even if they live with you the car still has more costs over petrol. Just say you can't afford to drive, unless they pay the petrol cost over a bus ride. If you want to bus, do it. Say to yourself that's what you WILL do.
    Their being wimps is irrelevant and not your problem. I don't like buses but I would never force someone to drive me constantly, it's my issue!
    Make excuses if you need to. They'll hopefully get the hint.
    • Very Important Poster

    You just sound like you are being taken advantage of , too nice and a bit fo a doormat.
    Just learn to say no. You dont have to justify yourself, but you can say its time consuming , too many people are asking and you have other commitments. the young lad on your course is just having a laygh. NO, NO, NO.

    Assertiveness training is what you need and that cna prove useful in the future if people try and manipulate you.
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