How many Oxford students does it take to change a bulb at..?

All Souls: "A lightbulb you say... what on earth is that?"

Balliol: Two hundred and fifty - to hold a JCR meeting, deciding that lightbulbs are an access issue in that they give off an 'elitist' image of Oxford and therefore deter working class applicants. The JCR therefore resolves to rename the lightbulb to 'one of 'em glowy fings'.

Brasenose: The entire College - one to steal a lightbulb from Filth, and the rest of them to go with him and act like complete ****s.

Brookes: Six - One to take the bulb out, four to stick their fingers in the socket and one to glass a random stranger's face with the old bulb.

Cherwell Office: Three - One to pull the bulb out and two to complain when the socket and ceiling come down with it through dry rot.

Christ Church: Three - One to call the butler and two to arrange a tailor in Savile Row to design and make new suits for the special occasion.

Corpus: Who gives a toss?

Greyfriars: None. They have no need for lightbulbs, as 'Dominus Illuminatio Mea' - the Lord is my Light.

Hilda's: None - lesbian sex is better with the lights off, after all.

Jesus: None - sheep sex is better with the lights off, after all. So I've been told.

LGBSoc: None. It shouldn't have to change to be accepted.

Lincoln: Nineteen - well, at least one loser with nineteen OxGoss aliases.

LMH - 3 to venture all the way to central Oxford to find a place that sells lightblubs, and one bloke called Tom to crap in the middle of the road on the way back.

Magdalen: Five - one to change the bulb, and the other four to bugger him senseless.

Mansfield: Between three and ten, depending on how far through the term it is, to club together their remaining funds to purchase a new light bulb.

Merton: Eight - It's not that one isn't smart enough to do it, it's just that they're all violently twitching from too much stress to achieve coordinated movement.

New: Two - One to change the bulb and Ruzwana to try hacking it.

Oriel: None - Mummy and Daddy buy them a new house.

OUDS: Seven - Two to change the bulb and five to write an interpretive modern drama about the experience.

OUSU: 151. 1 to change it, 25 to protest against the cost of lightbulbs for poor overdraft-ridden students, 50 to protest against exploitation of Taiwanese lightbulb factory workers and 75 who don't know what they're protesting about but want to cause as much disruption and fuss as possible.

Teddy Hall: The entire college, but only one of the rugger buggers is sober enough to figure out what to do with it, and he is subsequently cellophane-wrapped naked to a street lamp.

The OxStu: 60 - Two journo hacks to change the bulbs, three Proctors to take action against their inefficiency, and 35 Court of Summary Jurisdiction officers to decide the case amidst 20 paparazzi.

The Oxford Union: Three - One to mix the martinis, one to call the electrician and one to call daddy to pay for the bill.

Pembroke: One to change the bulb and three to complain bitterly that it wouldn't have been allowed to happen at Christ Church, so please give us some funding. Please.

Queen's: Fifty-one - One to change the bulb and fifty to complain loudly about how much cheaper lightbulbs are up North.

St. Anne's: Three - One to pull the bulb out and two to complain when the socket and ceiling come down with it through dry rot.

St. Catz: Fifty. Ten to change the bulb, and forty to loudly announce that cargo boxes beat gothic spires any day.

St. Hugh's: Ten - One to change the bulb and nine to go on a journey of epic proportions all the way to central oxford in order to find a shop that sells them.

St. John's (1): Two - One to change the bulb and the other to say loudly how he did it as well as a Merton student.

St. John's (2): Two - One to change the bulb and one to set up the webcam to broadcast it on the net.

St Peter's JCR: 77 - One to change the light bulb, fifty to protest the light bulb's right to not change, Stafford to ask if it's in the constitution, and twenty-five to hold a counter protest allowing for permissible change in light bulbs, as long as the light bulbs accept the constitutional amendment.

Tory Reform Group: Seven - Five to form a radical new initiative called 'TeamBulb Focus', one to make a public announcement stating "A successful environment is not about pushing yourself to the absolute limit" and one to change the light bulb before it's actually blown.

Trinity: Seventy-two - two to change the bulb, and the other seventy to shout loudly at Balliol. Just because.

Univ - Two - one to change the lightbulb and one Butler to check there's no weapons of mass destruction in it.

Wadham: Three - One to change it and two to find a way to get high off the old bulb.

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1

RxB

This is brilliant, especially

Jools

Oriel: None - Mummy and Daddy buy them a new house.

Reply 2

Catt

New's not there, I am bitterly disappointed :biggrin:

Reply 3

lizzylou

This is genius. :smile:

Made me laugh out loud. Glad I am at home and not at work today!

Reply 4

Brown Patrick Bateman

*Bump*

Reply 5

Drogue

Nice

though the one I've seen for universities has:

Jools

St. John's (1): Two - One to change the bulb and the other to say loudly how he did it as well as a Merton student.

Changed to:

Jools

LSE: Two - One to change the bulb and the other to say loudly how he did it as well as a Oxbridge student.

But no Univ one? I suppose the typical Butler pun has been made about Christ Church. Though we have *the* butler, whereas they just have *a* butler (or rather *many* butlers :redface:

)

Reply 6

ThePants999

Nicked from OxGoss there Jools? Even if I hadn't seen it there the Lincoln one kinda gives it away :wink:

Reply 7

Brown Patrick Bateman

I co-authored this on OxGoss; Drogue a few are taken from the universities one and reshaped... I've added in Univ.

Reply 8

Drogue

Like it

Reply 9

ThePants999

Ahhh. Good stuff then.

Reply 10

SsEe

Haha. Funny :smile:

Got one for Worcester?

Reply 11

Rose64

Or Somerville? :biggrin:

Reply 12

WhatFreshHell?

or exeter?

Reply 13

herman368

omg wheres keble

Reply 14

A0307

Jools

LMH - 3 to venture all the way to central Oxford to find a place that sells lightblubs, and one bloke called Tom to crap in the middle of the road on the way back.

I won't ask!