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How many Oxford students does it take to change a bulb at..?

All Souls: "A lightbulb you say... what on earth is that?"

Balliol: Two hundred and fifty - to hold a JCR meeting, deciding that lightbulbs are an access issue in that they give off an 'elitist' image of Oxford and therefore deter working class applicants. The JCR therefore resolves to rename the lightbulb to 'one of 'em glowy fings'.

Brasenose: The entire College - one to steal a lightbulb from Filth, and the rest of them to go with him and act like complete ****s.

Brookes: Six - One to take the bulb out, four to stick their fingers in the socket and one to glass a random stranger's face with the old bulb.

Cherwell Office: Three - One to pull the bulb out and two to complain when the socket and ceiling come down with it through dry rot.

Christ Church: Three - One to call the butler and two to arrange a tailor in Savile Row to design and make new suits for the special occasion.

Corpus: Who gives a toss?

Greyfriars: None. They have no need for lightbulbs, as 'Dominus Illuminatio Mea' - the Lord is my Light.

Hilda's: None - lesbian sex is better with the lights off, after all.

Jesus: None - sheep sex is better with the lights off, after all. So I've been told.

LGBSoc: None. It shouldn't have to change to be accepted.

Lincoln: Nineteen - well, at least one loser with nineteen OxGoss aliases.

LMH - 3 to venture all the way to central Oxford to find a place that sells lightblubs, and one bloke called Tom to crap in the middle of the road on the way back.

Magdalen: Five - one to change the bulb, and the other four to bugger him senseless.

Mansfield: Between three and ten, depending on how far through the term it is, to club together their remaining funds to purchase a new light bulb.

Merton: Eight - It's not that one isn't smart enough to do it, it's just that they're all violently twitching from too much stress to achieve coordinated movement.

New: Two - One to change the bulb and Ruzwana to try hacking it.

Oriel: None - Mummy and Daddy buy them a new house.

OUDS: Seven - Two to change the bulb and five to write an interpretive modern drama about the experience.

OUSU: 151. 1 to change it, 25 to protest against the cost of lightbulbs for poor overdraft-ridden students, 50 to protest against exploitation of Taiwanese lightbulb factory workers and 75 who don't know what they're protesting about but want to cause as much disruption and fuss as possible.

Teddy Hall: The entire college, but only one of the rugger buggers is sober enough to figure out what to do with it, and he is subsequently cellophane-wrapped naked to a street lamp.

The OxStu: 60 - Two journo hacks to change the bulbs, three Proctors to take action against their inefficiency, and 35 Court of Summary Jurisdiction officers to decide the case amidst 20 paparazzi.

The Oxford Union: Three - One to mix the martinis, one to call the electrician and one to call daddy to pay for the bill.

Pembroke: One to change the bulb and three to complain bitterly that it wouldn't have been allowed to happen at Christ Church, so please give us some funding. Please.

Queen's: Fifty-one - One to change the bulb and fifty to complain loudly about how much cheaper lightbulbs are up North.

St. Anne's: Three - One to pull the bulb out and two to complain when the socket and ceiling come down with it through dry rot.

St. Catz: Fifty. Ten to change the bulb, and forty to loudly announce that cargo boxes beat gothic spires any day.

St. Hugh's: Ten - One to change the bulb and nine to go on a journey of epic proportions all the way to central oxford in order to find a shop that sells them.

St. John's (1): Two - One to change the bulb and the other to say loudly how he did it as well as a Merton student.

St. John's (2): Two - One to change the bulb and one to set up the webcam to broadcast it on the net.

St Peter's JCR: 77 - One to change the light bulb, fifty to protest the light bulb's right to not change, Stafford to ask if it's in the constitution, and twenty-five to hold a counter protest allowing for permissible change in light bulbs, as long as the light bulbs accept the constitutional amendment.

Tory Reform Group: Seven - Five to form a radical new initiative called 'TeamBulb Focus', one to make a public announcement stating "A successful environment is not about pushing yourself to the absolute limit" and one to change the light bulb before it's actually blown.

Trinity: Seventy-two - two to change the bulb, and the other seventy to shout loudly at Balliol. Just because.

Univ - Two - one to change the lightbulb and one Butler to check there's no weapons of mass destruction in it.

Wadham: Three - One to change it and two to find a way to get high off the old bulb.

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Reply 20

Toni Mag

Hoofbeat

I love the Lincoln one...so true :rolleyes:

i don't understand the Lincoln one. what's OxGoss????

Reply 21

Brown Patrick Bateman

Toni Mag

i don't understand the Lincoln one. what's OxGoss????
www.oxfordgossip.co.uk - look at "Lincoln Gossip". A clique of 5 or 6 2nd year Lincoln lawyers with at least 10 usernames each, constantly bigging themselves up. Or slagging themself of with 1 ID and then defending themselves with the other 9.

Reply 22

London Prophet

A Few alternative Pembroke Ones (since It's my college)

How many students does it take to change a lightbulb in Pembroke?

a) 0 - It simply doesn't fit in the budget
b) 45 - The JCR can pay for it
c) 6 - one to screw it in and 5 to steal it from Christ Church in a coup d'etat

Reply 23

Hoofbeat

Jools

www.oxfordgossip.co.uk - look at "Lincoln Gossip". A clique of 5 or 6 2nd year Lincoln lawyers with at least 10 usernames each, constantly bigging themselves up. Or slagging themself of with 1 ID and then defending themselves with the other 9.

Actually, just to confirm a few things, from what I understand:

*Lincoln is actually the biggest college for Gossip. We're only tiny and everyone knows everyone else and therefore if something happens, it quickly spreads around the college. The easiest way for this to happen is to post the news on Oxford Gossip. If you'd seen the site before the layout changed we had the most threads out of any colleges! However, since the change it has fallen rather quiet.

*Indeed many of the lawyers do use Oxford Gossip frequently and most of them all know the login details to one account - "abuse" - that they use collectively to abuse any other subject. However, from what I understand most of them do not actually have that many multiple log-ins and most of us at Lincoln know who everyone is anyways!

*A lot of the historians/PPEist (all those who have far too much time on their hands!!!) use it frequently now, including several 1st year's, so it's becoming less lawyer orientated.

*Final point, just to clarify...Oxymoron (aka Simon) on here is NOT the same oxymoron as on oxford gossip.

Reply 24

oxymoron

Hoofbeat

*Final point, just to clarify...Oxymoron (aka Simon) on here is NOT the same oxymoron as on oxford gossip.

Lol - yes, thanks for clarifying that. In case you were wondering, I'm not the one who posts about random sheep shagging and the like!

Reply 25

Brown Patrick Bateman

Hoofbeat

However, from what I understand most of them do not actually have that many multiple log-ins

I created Lincoln Gossip (and all the other boards except the first 4) when I was OxGoss moderator, not naming names several people have multiple logins, in some cases reaching double figures!

Reply 26

Golden Maverick

oxymoron

Lol - yes, thanks for clarifying that. In case you were wondering, I'm not the one who posts about random sheep shagging and the like!

Yeah yeah, we all know that, you just want to be like him.

Reply 27

oxymoron

Golden Maverick

Yeah yeah, we all know that, you just want to be like him.

Damn, you've found out my deepest dreams :rolleyes:

If you do want to find out about him though he'll be featured in the OxStu tomorrow thanks to our very own Kate.

Reply 28

F. Poste

oxymoron

Damn, you've found out my deepest dreams :rolleyes:

If you do want to find out about him though he'll be featured in the OxStu tomorrow thanks to our very own Kate.

I never knew that was him! :eek:

*plug* Everyone read Match Me If You Can tomorrow and please please PLEASE email me with nominations for all your single friends: [email protected] ! I'm looking for a girl for this week, got a lovely guy set up to do it! :biggrin:

Reply 29

Fluffy

Students at All Souls???!!! :wink:

Reply 30

Hoofbeat

F. Poste

I never knew that was him! :eek:

Simon!!! You weren't supposed to tell everyone - that's a bit unfair. Oh well too late now! Anyways, everyone read Match Me If You Can as a Lincolnite is featured and Kate needs some nominations (shut up simon, before you even suggest anything :aetsch: