Was I rude with this guy?

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    • Thread Starter
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    I met a guy at the gym, and I've since seen him there 3 times.

    The first time we met ,he approached me, and we chatted a bit, then he gave me his number (which I clumsily lost). Because I'd lost the number and consequently hadn't messaged him that week, he believed I wasn't interested, and didn't speak to me much the next time we saw each other, until I explained what had happened.

    We re-exchanged numbers and planned something for the following weekend (but I saw him at the gym again in-between).
    However, I realised that after the 2nd time that I just didn't really find him very attractive, and that I hadn't realised he was quite a bit older than me. He seemed very kind but I just knew I didn't want to go on a date.

    I wasn't sure how to go about it... I thought about maybe just telling him that I was only looking for friendship, but my friends said that it seemed a bit too direct and harsh, and that he'd understand himself that I wasn't interested.

    As a result, he messaged me wanting to plan something for that weekend, but I just replied that I was busy and that we'd see each other soon at the gym. He didn't reply, so I don't know if he was annoyed or what.

    I'm not sure if I went the right way about things. I don't know if what I did was the best thing to do, but I thought that we'd only just met, we don't know each other and that it didn't really warrant an explanation as a result.. .
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    Haven't been rude at all. Tbh it'd be kinder to him to tell him you're not interested in any kind of relationship or anything than it would to give him false hope.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by WoodyMKC)
    Haven't been rude at all. Tbh it'd be kinder to him to tell him you're not interested in any kind of relationship or anything than it would to give him false hope.
    Thanks for the reply; that's what I thought yeah, but my friends seemed to think that coming out with 'by the way, I just want to let you know that I'm not interested in anything more than friendship wit hyou' (or something along those lines) would be too blunt and unnecessary for someone I've only just met..
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    You raised expectations a bit by re-exchanging numbers so he is likely to be a bit disappointed and pissed off. If you're keen and this this happens too many times it can be a bit soul destroying. But as you say its very early days and not a big issue at all. For sure its better than being rejected after one or two dates. Perhaps it will just go back to not speaking much at the gym or if it seems appropriate you can tell him that on reflection you decided you just wanted to be friends.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Yes, I agree with what you say. I understand that he may be pissed off, but yeah, I didn't think it'd be a good idea to meet him somewhere, as it may give him false hope. I hope he won't be too bothered, but him not replying makes me wonder. Thanks !
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for the reply; that's what I thought yeah, but my friends seemed to think that coming out with 'by the way, I just want to let you know that I'm not interested in anything more than friendship wit hyou' (or something along those lines) would be too blunt and unnecessary for someone I've only just met..
    That would be ****ing harsh, don't say that for God sake.

    Just say you aren't attracted to him and not really looking to get into a relationship at the moment anyway so are not interested.

    I doubt he has much desire to be 'friends'. Or you either, so for you to come out with an insincere sounding "yeah, you seem nice, but I don't find you attractive so, erm, let's just be friends hmm?" is lame...
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    Sometimes, you have to be very obvious and blunt with guys, they don't tend to (in my experience) pick up hints very well.

    'Sorry, I'm not interested'
    'Let's do something'

    Numerous of times I have had to instigate things with guys, they just dont get my hints. Gah,


    So no, I don't think it was harsh,
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    thanks for the replies.. .yeah I agree, the 'friends' thing is silly; I guess it's like a sort of consolation offer.. I'll just make it clear that I'm not interested, and be blunt as has been suggested. Thanks !
 
 
 
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