I don't feel like I belong in my country

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    I'm a 17 years old female from an extremely strict Arab country. I have lived in the UK for 5 years so far but I'm not a British citizen and I can't be- the 5 years were all for study purposes.


    I was born and raised in my country for 12 years and during all that time I was happy. I was fine with covering everyhting except my face, praying, fasting, etc. I wasn't doing any of this because I was religious; I only did it because everyone around me was doing it too. When I was younger, I didn't see the point of believing in a god but whenever I questioned, everyone led me to believe that there was something wrong with me not with the belief itself and I was convinced that this was the case. I did not know any other way of living.

    Then we moved to the UK. I continued to live as a religious Muslim for the next 2 years without ever wondering why I believe what I believe in and why I do whatever the religion I was born into tells me to do. I feel like after those initial 2 years, my eyes suddenly opened and I just wanted to decide everything for myself.

    My belief has now changed completely; I don't believe in any god, I completely lost my faith. But I can't even tell my parents and that depresses me. I love my parents and they love me too but I just wish they were a bit less religious. I know for a fact that only telling them I don't want to wear the hijab will cause a lot of problems let alone telling them that I'm an atheist. I have been living a lie just so that I don't lose them.

    I hate the Arab society. I go back to my country every summer holiday but I honestly feel like I don't belong to that place. I know that I will have to go back at some point, but just thinking about living among people who would shun me if they knew I don't believe in any religion makes me unhappy.

    I don't know what to do...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm a 17 years old female from an extremely strict Arab country. I have lived in the UK for 5 years so far but I'm not a British citizen and I can't be- the 5 years were all for study purposes.


    I was born and raised in my country for 12 years and during all that time I was happy. I was fine with covering everyhting except my face, praying, fasting, etc. I wasn't doing any of this because I was religious; I only did it because everyone around me was doing it too. When I was younger, I didn't see the point of believing in a god but whenever I questioned, everyone led me to believe that there was something wrong with me not with the belief itself and I was convinced that this was the case. I did not know any other way of living.

    Then we moved to the UK. I continued to live as a religious Muslim for the next 2 years without ever wondering why I believe what I believe in and why I do whatever the religion I was born into tells me to do. I feel like after those initial 2 years, my eyes suddenly opened and I just wanted to decide everything for myself.

    My belief has now changed completely; I don't believe in any god, I completely lost my faith. But I can't even tell my parents and that depresses me. I love my parents and they love me too but I just wish they were a bit less religious. I know for a fact that only telling them I don't want to wear the hijab will cause a lot of problems let alone telling them that I'm an atheist. I have been living a lie just so that I don't lose them.

    I hate the Arab society. I go back to my country every summer holiday but I honestly feel like I don't belong to that place. I know that I will have to go back at some point, but just thinking about living among people who would shun me if they knew I don't believe in any religion makes me unhappy.

    I don't know what to do...
    Hey. :hugs: I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. If it helps, I am going through a very similar situation and neither have I told my parents got the implications involved. You mentioned you are 17, are you going to go to university in the near future? Because that will give you the independence you want to break free.

    I know it's difficult but it may be worth speaking to someone working in a charity or organisation who is used to this, to give you advice and support.

    I am also available if you want a chat via PM.
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    The number of people that feel miserable because of the religion of peace and love is worrying.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Josb)
    The number of people that feel miserable because of the religion of peace and love is worrying.
    It's not a problem with Islam in itself; I just don't believe in any god or religion.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Rhythmical)
    Hey. :hugs: I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. If it helps, I am going through a very similar situation and neither have I told my parents got the implications involved. You mentioned you are 17, are you going to go to university in the near future? Because that will give you the independence you want to break free.

    I know it's difficult but it may be worth speaking to someone working in a charity or organisation who is used to this, to give you advice and support.

    I am also available if you want a chat via PM.
    Thank you. I applied to universities that are close close to home and the course I want to study is quite long compared to other courses so that means at least 6 more years with my parents... I think I will just wait until I finish uni.
    #2

    its people like you who make Islam seem like an oppressive religion
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But I can't even tell my parents and that depresses me. I love my parents and they love me too but I just wish they were a bit less religious. I know for a fact that only telling them I don't want to wear the hijab will cause a lot of problems let alone telling them that I'm an atheist. I have been living a lie just so that I don't lose them.
    No matter how much you love your parents and they love you back, you cannot tell them you no longer believe. There is no point feeling guilty or sad about it either, it is what it is, you prefer to be honest but for the harmony and safety of the family and yourself, you cannot- that's an emotional and ethical burden you will have to bear. Until you can get citizenship, you are going to have to bear with this.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    its people like you who make Islam seem like an oppressive religion

    It's not people like me who make Islam seem like a oppressive religion, it's people like you. I can tell that you have the same mentality as Arabs since, like them, you're trying to convince me that there is something wrong with me and not the religion or the society.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you. I applied to universities that are close close to home and the course I want to study is quite long compared to other courses so that means at least 6 more years with my parents... I think I will just wait until I finish uni.
    Why did you apply to unis close to you place?
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    If people were free, they'd also be free to walk away from "ideologies" they grew up believing. OP is brave enough to make her decision knowing that many will turn against her for doing so
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Josb)
    Why did you apply to unis close to you place?
    I don't know... It was a stupid decision.

    I also applied abroad but I will stay in the UK if I get an offer from a UK uni. Since medicine is very competitive, I might end up having to go study in a different country anyway.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's not a problem with Islam in itself; I just don't believe in any god or religion.
    More people convert from Islam than any other religion. That, in itself, speaks volumes.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't know... It was a stupid decision.

    I also applied abroad but I will stay in the UK if I get an offer from a UK uni. Since medicine is very competitive, I might end up having to go study in a different country anyway.
    There might be a possibility, if you have good grades, for you to transfer to another uni after your first year. You should check other unis' website.

    I don't know where you have applied to, but unis abroad don't accept many foreign students in Medicine.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm a 17 years old female from an extremely strict Arab country. I have lived in the UK for 5 years so far but I'm not a British citizen and I can't be- the 5 years were all for study purposes.


    I was born and raised in my country for 12 years and during all that time I was happy. I was fine with covering everyhting except my face, praying, fasting, etc. I wasn't doing any of this because I was religious; I only did it because everyone around me was doing it too. When I was younger, I didn't see the point of believing in a god but whenever I questioned, everyone led me to believe that there was something wrong with me not with the belief itself and I was convinced that this was the case. I did not know any other way of living.

    Then we moved to the UK. I continued to live as a religious Muslim for the next 2 years without ever wondering why I believe what I believe in and why I do whatever the religion I was born into tells me to do. I feel like after those initial 2 years, my eyes suddenly opened and I just wanted to decide everything for myself.

    My belief has now changed completely; I don't believe in any god, I completely lost my faith. But I can't even tell my parents and that depresses me. I love my parents and they love me too but I just wish they were a bit less religious. I know for a fact that only telling them I don't want to wear the hijab will cause a lot of problems let alone telling them that I'm an atheist. I have been living a lie just so that I don't lose them.

    I hate the Arab society. I go back to my country every summer holiday but I honestly feel like I don't belong to that place. I know that I will have to go back at some point, but just thinking about living among people who would shun me if they knew I don't believe in any religion makes me unhappy.

    I don't know what to do...
    Salaam, OP.

    Feel free to PM me if you want - I will be able to advise you more freely there.

    If it helps, I come from a more liberal (or perhaps more controversial to some) lslamic background and do not wear a hijaab. I understand what you mean by loving and respecting your parents and would be happy to share some helpful tips.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Josb)
    There might be a possibility, if you have good grades, for you to transfer to another uni after your first year. You should check other unis' website.

    I don't know where you have applied to, but unis abroad don't accept many foreign students in Medicine.
    Thanks, I will keep that in mind
 
 
 
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