Stuck in the Middle

Anon because there's a chance the people might see this.

My male best friend fancies this girl who I've only become close to in the past few days.
He's told me for ages that he doesn't know how she feels about him, and keeps giving off mixed signals. She's just told me that she doesn't like him but keeps giving me excuses as to why she's not told him.
He's asked me to tell him if I know anything, but at the same time I don't want to lose either as a friend, or hurt my best friend, and I don't feel it's my place to say anything - but I can't stand knowing the truth, and knowing that my best friend is being led on.
I'm not going to judge what I do based on what people say here, but I'd really like to know what any of you would do in my situation? I'm completely lost - I want to tell my best friend, but I know it'd break his heart, and that this other girl deserves to be able to tell him herself, even if she's refusing to at the moment.
Please help :frown:

Reply 1

big?mark

I'd say something like.

'If she liked you something would have happened by now' or 'I really think you should just move on'

Because that way you are telling him to give up but you arent saying 'Guess what she told me last night...'

Girls like this tend to just lead boys on. Like there are a few who actually care about the boys feelings, the rest just like to drag the attention out for as long as possible. Poor boys.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

I don't want to come across as though I'm trying to get him to leave it alone though, because that'll make it clear that I know something anyway, since she's been giving him the idea that he's in with a chance, and up until I got told this, I was encouraging him to try. I just think it would be a bit too obvious, and if it isn't, he'd brush off the advice because of how much he likes her and how he believes he'd have a chance.
I've had to lie to him and say that this girl hasn't told me anything; I've never lied to him before, so I feel so guilty about that. The girl told me she'd tell him, so I was giving her a chance to but now that I've already lied, she said she won't, leaving me looking like the bad one in all this.

Reply 3

Wild Thing

11

I was in that situation last month. I would definitely tell him. THat's what friends are for, and it may save him an embarassing moment when he declares his flame and she rejects him. Better to be told by a friend than by the person you like yourself....

I'd go to his house, with DVDs, lots of chocolate and say: righto, I got some bad news for you. That bitch is ****ing stupid and doesnt know what shes missing, I think you should move on and we should spend tonight moping about our disastrous love life.'

I did that once, and he was really grateful for it. We spent the rest of the night bitching about her. I know it's not nice, but it made him feel soooooooooooooooooooo much better, seriously.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Wild Thing

I was in that situation last month. I would definitely tell him. THat's what friends are for, and it may save him an embarassing moment when he declares his flame and she rejects him. Better to be told by a friend than by the person you like yourself....

I'd go to his house, with DVDs, lots of chocolate and say: righto, I got some bad news for you. That bitch is ****ing stupid and doesnt know what shes missing, I think you should move on and we should spend tonight moping about our disastrous love life.'

I did that once, and he was really grateful for it. We spent the rest of the night bitching about her. I know it's not nice, but it made him feel soooooooooooooooooooo much better, seriously.

She already knows he likes her; he admitted that a long time ago and she's led him on until now - telling him that she likes him, then saying she's not sure. She just won't completely reject him.
The thing is, now that I've lied to him I don't see how I can be in the right to tell him that I did in fact know how she felt already. I've made such a stupid mistake.

Reply 5

Wild Thing

11

Well he doesnt need to know that you've known it for some time.

Are you 100% sure that she really won't go out with him? If she's led him on until now and for her it was just a game, then she's a real bitch.

But it will end badly, as she's led him on and all, and you will probably have to take sides.

Reply 6

prettygreeneyes99

9

Just say something like she's said she doesnt want a boyfriend at the moment or something along those lines.. that way it says he's not in with a chance and its not too harsh on him either as it wont seem like its anything he could have influenced etc

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Wild Thing

Well he doesnt need to know that you've known it for some time.

Are you 100% sure that she really won't go out with him? If she's led him on until now and for her it was just a game, then she's a real bitch.

But it will end badly, as she's led him on and all, and you will probably have to take sides.

She told me she'd been unsure because she liked him but didn't find him physically attractive - yet last night, when we were out and he left the table she told me that 'It's never gonna happen and I don't know why I ever thought it would'. I told her I'd tell him, and she told me it was none of my business, and she'd tell him, so I told him I didn't know anything, and now she's made it clear that she'll carry on leading him on.
I know exactly which side I'd take in all this but I know it'll hurt him more coming from me, especially if he finds out I lied to him, as he told me last night that he'd rather I was honest if I knew something, and I repeated that I didn't because I was giving the girl the chance to have her say.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Please does anyone else have any advice? Sorry to nudge this up but I'm desperate and can't stop thinking about this.

Reply 9

9mm

12

Advice

If I were you I'd tell him that you really don't want to get involved in it any further and tell him to not talk to her again. If she does in fact like him, she'll try to get his attention again. If not, then it's crystal clear and he knows to move on. There are billions of women out there, make him believe that this is not his only opportunity.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Thank you for all of your advice earlier.
I've now written an e-mail to my friend, explaining everything, which I plan to send tonight, just before I sign off for the night.
I don't expect to still be his friend by tomorrow morning, but at least he'll know the truth and will be able to move on.

Stuck in the Middle

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