He was eager to meet up but then ignores me and said this..?

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    Known a guy for over two years. We are very close although not gf/bf, more like good friends w/ benefits, but I know he has feelings for me. Due to our lifestyles can't commit to each other but he's always chasing me wanting to meet and hang out when we can.

    We planned to meet one day last week then when I messaged the night before to confirm where we were meeting he didn't reply. Called him three times, no response. Five days later he messaged apologising as something has supposedly happened unexpectedly which he needs to give all his attention to. Didn't want to go into details even though we usually share pretty much everything. Ended by saying he will message me soon. Very very bizarre for him. We always stay in touch almost daily despite everything. Now he's not willing to talk at the moment at all.

    What would you make of this?

    What could have possibly happened in his life that's so bad he can't keep in touch with someone I know he's crazy about?

    I'm so baffled and confused. He was so so eager to meet last week, he went out of his way to make special plans :-/
    • Thread Starter
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    bump please help, I feel so confused and upset
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    bump please help, I feel so confused and upset
    do you have feelings for him or nah?
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    (Original post by lily.b9)
    do you have feelings for him or nah?
    yes I do. That's why my heart is hurting
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    bump please help, I feel so confused and upset
    Why? You're at least partly responsible for engineering this absurd and obviously untenable quasi-relationship with the foreknowledge that it could end at any time: have some accountability.
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    why don't you jus be straight up and tell him that you have feelings for him, see how he responds if he wants to take it serious then great if not move on and dont waste time thinkin about it
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    (Original post by Profesh)
    Why? You're at least partly responsible for engineering this absurd and obviously untenable quasi-relationship with the foreknowledge that it could end at any time: have some accountability.
    understand your point but it's not something he would just randomly 'end' like that
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Wrong post babes
    (Original post by Nadile)
    Why does he not know that he raped you? It's pretty obvious when you say "no" or "stop" that you don't want him to carry on. I guess he could have been too drunk to remember or something. However if you went along with everything he did and showed no sign that you want him to stop, then it's not rape. That is my own curiosity though, you don't have to answer.

    As for ACTUAL ADVICE: I imagine this happened a while back so I don't know if there's any point taking this to the police. What you should definitely do is find some counselling. Go to your gp and see if they can find you a therapist. If you're a student then talk to the counselling service at your school or university. You sound like you definitely need emotional support right now. And don't talk to him anymore, it's not gonna do you any good
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by lily.b9)
    why don't you jus be straight up and tell him that you have feelings for him, see how he responds if he wants to take it serious then great if not move on and dont waste time thinkin about it
    We've spoken about it. It's mutual but due to our lives at the moment we can't take the next step. He was so desperate to meet up last week and all of a sudden he just disappeared. Got a feeling it could be health related but who knows
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    Well your friends with benefits, how can you be so sure he even has feelings for you? Maybe he's found another hoe to **** and doesn't need you anymore? You should've just been straight with your feelings before it all got messy. These friends with benefits relationships never turn out good. Lol.
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by sameehaiqbal)
    Well your friends with benefits, how can you be so sure he even has feelings for you? Maybe he's found another hoe to **** and doesn't need you anymore? You should've just been straight with your feelings before it all got messy. These friends with benefits relationships never turn out good. Lol.
    Trust me it's not just FWB- probably worded it wrong. We're just in a crap situation at the mo but he wants to be with me in the future. He's a grown man and has spoken about it seriously. Whatever the case, his last message was not him at allll even if he wanted to cut off contact which he wouldn't
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    understand your point but it's not something he would just randomly 'end' like that
    Then by that same token you also accept that inviting strangers to speculate upon the motives of someone whose character you presume to understand to a profoundly intimate degree is not constructive, and that feeling "confused and upset" is not a rational response; so what does this thread accomplish, other than to wilfully over-indulge in paranoia?
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    You're right tbh. I'm just sitting here confused and sad so wanted some kind of explanation.. But obviously it's not something strangers can help with.

    (Original post by Profesh)
    Then by that same token you also accept that inviting strangers to speculate upon the motives of someone whose character you presume to understand to a profoundly intimate degree is not constructive, and that feeling "confused and upset" is not a rational response; so what does this thread accomplish, other than to wilfully over-indulge in paranoia?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You're right tbh. I'm just sitting here confused and sad so wanted some kind of explanation.. But obviously it's not something strangers can help with.
    Well, quite. Here, listen to some Bibio:

    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Profesh)
    Well, quite. Here, listen to some Bibio:

    cheers xo
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Wrong post babes
    ... how in the world did that happen? Sorry ^_^''
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    I think currently you can't do anything other than wait and see what happens. This might be something that's related to another person, that could be one reason he can't tell you. Could be health related and he doesn't want to worry you. Thing is that speculating will make you stressed out, you'll be worrying about all the possible scenarios for no reason. Wait a while and see if it either goes back to normal or if he maybe tells you what the problem was once he sorts it out. For now just trust him to be able to make his own decisions about what is the best approach to his problem.
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    (Original post by Profesh)
    Then by that same token you also accept that inviting strangers to speculate upon the motives of someone whose character you presume to understand to a profoundly intimate degree is not constructive, and that feeling "confused and upset" is not a rational response; so what does this thread accomplish, other than to wilfully over-indulge in paranoia?
    Writing down your issues (especially emotionally ones) can be very beneficial for a person, I suspect it could relate to that.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by natalie427)
    Writing down your issues (especially emotionally ones) can be very beneficial for a person, I suspect it could relate to that.
    You're right.. it brings some kind of inner peace if that makes sense, even if it doesn't help as such
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    It's just odd as we normally share pretty much everything, personal or not. I've shared stuff about my friends that they would hate me for. That's why I'm finding it so hard to understand what's happened because it's not normal for him at alllll esp after we had planned such a good day :'(

    Saying he'll message me soon is killing me.....how soon is he talking? Could be weeks, months.. even one day without his messages is hard. Gahhh. Patience.

    (Original post by Nadile)
    I think currently you can't do anything other than wait and see what happens. This might be something that's related to another person, that could be one reason he can't tell you. Could be health related and he doesn't want to worry you. Thing is that speculating will make you stressed out, you'll be worrying about all the possible scenarios for no reason. Wait a while and see if it either goes back to normal or if he maybe tells you what the problem was once he sorts it out. For now just trust him to be able to make his own decisions about what is the best approach to his problem.
 
 
 
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