I have no REAL friends. I am lonely af, my plea for advice.

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Four things that unis think matter more than league tables 08-12-2016
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I am 16 and in high school.

    As a person, I am quite out-going, sociable and generally talkative. In school I speak to more or less everyone. I have no problem meeting new people or anything like that but I have no real friends and I genuinely don't know how?

    The complicated part is below

    Friend Group 1- So, at school I am friends with these guys who live in the same town as me but they've all known each-other for years and live nearby each-other and are a really tight-knit group, I've been to parties with them before, I know more or less everything about all of them and spend all of my school days with them but they aren't really my true friends. They have parties and drink at each others house all the time and I am never invited along, I am invited rarely if it's a big occasion like a birthday or something but sometimes they just drink at their house and I am never invited? I am friends with all of them and pretty close too, I trust them somewhat and they trust me, I really think so anyway. They're, 'group' also consists of girls which I am really close with as well probably more so than the boys in that actual group but I still don't feel like I am their 'friend friend'. Like, what do I do? I speak to them on snapchat sometimes but I just feel like I am being needy to be friends/ get plans.

    Friend Group 2- These are my 'friends' who have left school. I was probably closer to them when they were at school compared to group 1 but I don't see them as often as they are all working now. These boys all play football so they are quite tight-knit in that sense but I don't play sports but I am still kind of, some-what friends with them. They go to parties all the time but again, I am never invited along. I've been to loads and loads of parties with them before but I never really get asked anymore even though I am with them during the week/weekend. They are probably the more rowdy bunch but I am not exactly perfect myself, and I am used to being with the rowdy bunch. I am a lot more mature than all of them but I still joke and have fun with them.

    Throughout high school I've always been stuck between multiple groups and I've never stuck in a single friend group. I've been in more or less every single friend group that exists within my school, some I never communicate with now just because we drifted. But, I am pretty close with these 2 friend groups but I get asked out rarely and it's really annoying and actually angering me? I drink at parties maybe like 2 times a month if I am lucky, and that's pitiful imo compared to how often my 'friends' are out. They drink/party more but I am never informed.

    This is probably far too long but I need help. I don't know if I am over-thinking and over-reacting or just being a dick. Has anyone experienced the same thing? What did you do?

    My family said it's my own-doing and I don't try hard enough to try and speak to them but I feel like I shouldn't need to be speaking to them all the time, I just feel like I am annoying them and acting like I am desperate to get plans.

    I feel stupid for posting this but idk what the actual **** to do??????????

    Thanks for reading this if anyone does and listening to my disastrous non-existent social-life.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Bump, please help
    • Thread Starter
    #1

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    Your post is too long, most people can't be bothered reading it.

    Provide a TL;DR or a brief summary and you'll get more of a response.
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    Wow this is weird I'm 17 and I'm going through the exact same thing like I have friends but noone really close and I don't invited out to just hang or go to parties sometimes. I'm mean I have talked about with my mum and sis and they say to try and make plans with them like invite them out for a change but I feel like my friends are only interested if it's a party or what not.
    I really no solution to this problem but I guess maybe it'll help to say that you shouldn't have to change yourself for people. I like to remind myself that I'm going to uni soon and I might (hopefully) find some true friends there.
    In the meantime I'm just trying be more open and initiate the hang out process with my friends. But other than that I really have no other solution.
    :/

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    #2

    Well, there is nothing wrong with having two sets of friends. You can easily jump from one to the other. I personally don't attend parties because I don't drink and you shouldn't get worried about the amount of parties which you are invited to. I'm not sure what year you are in, but when you go to Uni and start focusing a lot more on studying, why start counting the number of social events you have attended in that week/month. Honestly don't worry too much about it, just get to know people without having to rely on an invite, that is how you make real friends anyways.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by JJisawesome)
    Wow this is weird I'm 17 and I'm going through the exact same thing like I have friends but noone really close and I don't invited out to just hang or go to parties sometimes. I'm mean I have talked about with my mum and sis and they say to try and make plans with them like invite them out for a change but I feel like my friends are only interested if it's a party or what not.
    I really no solution to this problem but I guess maybe it'll help to say that you shouldn't have to change yourself for people. I like to remind myself that I'm going to uni soon and I might (hopefully) find some true friends there.
    In the meantime I'm just trying be more open and initiate the hang out process with my friends. But other than that I really have no other solution.
    :/

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    It's so like depressing, right? I spent my whole October break eating food and watching Netflix. I've been told I need to more of an effort but, shouldn't they to? I am so glad somebody has the same problem as me, I truly empathize.
    #3

    Until University I had 0 real friends. I hung around with a bunch of dickheads for the entirety of secondary school because I thought they were my friends, but they certainly were not. I've cut ties with everyone from secondary school except a group of 4 or 5 nerdy people who invite me out for a drink/film every so often.

    Before university I had never been to a party, never had a girlfriend, never invited out at all.

    Currently I am very happy and have tons of friends, and they are actually friends and not people who just tolerate me, there is a big difference that you should consider.

    Your situation is a million times better than mine was, and mine has turned out great.

    ___________________________

    My advice is to find someone in one or both of the groups that you feel you are actually friends with, and ask them if you could be included a little more because you sometimes feel left out.

    It may seem like a scary thing to do, but the outcome is as follows: either they try to get you invited to more stuff ... or they tell everyone else you said what you said and then you have discovered they aren't really your friend.

    It's still scary asking someone to try and include you a little more, even with that knowledge.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well, there is nothing wrong with having two sets of friends. You can easily jump from one to the other. I personally don't attend parties because I don't drink and you shouldn't get worried about the amount of parties which you are invited to. I'm not sure what year you are in, but when you go to Uni and start focusing a lot more on studying, why start counting the number of social events you have attended in that week/month. Honestly don't worry too much about it, just get to know people without having to rely on an invite, that is how you make real friends anyways.
    Yeah, I get you, thanks for the help
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Until University I had 0 real friends. I hung around with a bunch of dickheads for the entirety of secondary school because I thought they were my friends, but they certainly were not. I've cut ties with everyone from secondary school except a group of 4 or 5 nerdy people who invite me out for a drink/film every so often.

    Before university I had never been to a party, never had a girlfriend, never invited out at all.

    Currently I am very happy and have tons of friends, and they are actually friends and not people who just tolerate me, there is a big difference that you should consider.

    Your situation is a million times better than mine was, and mine has turned out great.

    ___________________________

    My advice is to find someone in one or both of the groups that you feel you are actually friends with, and ask them if you could be included a little more because you sometimes feel left out.

    It may seem like a scary thing to do, but the outcome is as follows: either they try to get you invited to more stuff ... or they tell everyone else you said what you said and then you have discovered they aren't really your friend.

    It's still scary asking someone to try and include you a little more, even with that knowledge.
    Yeah, I understand, but the thing is I have made it kinda clear to people before about my non-inclusion to a couple of plans and some of my 'friends' are like yeah, they're dicks etc. It happens to other people too just not as much as me. I've said to a few people but they just sort of brush it off or make up some *****y excuse. Maybe I am not making enough effort to keep contact with them?
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    I thought i was the only one experiencing this. But yeah I mean I guess its a 2 way effort but I realize that most of the time I'm the one making the effort.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by JJisawesome)
    I thought u was the only one experiencing this. But yeah I mean I guess its a 2 way effort but I realize that most of the time I'm the one making the effort.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Ye, I feel like I am just being weird as I feel like I am putting in all the effort into the friendships, proper shhieet
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    I don't think you are being weird but I guess it's just a normal question to ask if u know u find yourself putting all the effort into a relationship

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am 16 and in high school.

    As a person, I am quite out-going, sociable and generally talkative. In school I speak to more or less everyone. I have no problem meeting new people or anything like that but I have no real friends and I genuinely don't know how?

    The complicated part is below

    Friend Group 1- So, at school I am friends with these guys who live in the same town as me but they've all known each-other for years and live nearby each-other and are a really tight-knit group, I've been to parties with them before, I know more or less everything about all of them and spend all of my school days with them but they aren't really my true friends. They have parties and drink at each others house all the time and I am never invited along, I am invited rarely if it's a big occasion like a birthday or something but sometimes they just drink at their house and I am never invited? I am friends with all of them and pretty close too, I trust them somewhat and they trust me, I really think so anyway. They're, 'group' also consists of girls which I am really close with as well probably more so than the boys in that actual group but I still don't feel like I am their 'friend friend'. Like, what do I do? I speak to them on snapchat sometimes but I just feel like I am being needy to be friends/ get plans.

    Friend Group 2- These are my 'friends' who have left school. I was probably closer to them when they were at school compared to group 1 but I don't see them as often as they are all working now. These boys all play football so they are quite tight-knit in that sense but I don't play sports but I am still kind of, some-what friends with them. They go to parties all the time but again, I am never invited along. I've been to loads and loads of parties with them before but I never really get asked anymore even though I am with them during the week/weekend. They are probably the more rowdy bunch but I am not exactly perfect myself, and I am used to being with the rowdy bunch. I am a lot more mature than all of them but I still joke and have fun with them.

    Throughout high school I've always been stuck between multiple groups and I've never stuck in a single friend group. I've been in more or less every single friend group that exists within my school, some I never communicate with now just because we drifted. But, I am pretty close with these 2 friend groups but I get asked out rarely and it's really annoying and actually angering me? I drink at parties maybe like 2 times a month if I am lucky, and that's pitiful imo compared to how often my 'friends' are out. They drink/party more but I am never informed.

    This is probably far too long but I need help. I don't know if I am over-thinking and over-reacting or just being a dick. Has anyone experienced the same thing? What did you do?

    My family said it's my own-doing and I don't try hard enough to try and speak to them but I feel like I shouldn't need to be speaking to them all the time, I just feel like I am annoying them and acting like I am desperate to get plans.

    I feel stupid for posting this but idk what the actual **** to do??????????

    Thanks for reading this if anyone does and listening to my disastrous non-existent social-life.

    It just means you went through the wrong friendzone.
 
 
 
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