large age differences in realtionships

Watch
This discussion is closed.
superman663j7
Badges: 0
#1
Report Thread starter 15 years ago
#1
ok I know a few people that are in relationships where one of the other people are alot older than the other person in one case the girl is 39 and the husband is 60 thats the same age as her father. but thats one of the older couples I know, I know a girl that is 16 and is sleeping with a 25 year old. I guess that one falls under the age of consent issue but what I'm getting at is... Do you think it is right for someone to be in a relationship where the other person is much older than that person. for example 16 and 25
0
NDGAARONDI
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#2
Report 15 years ago
#2
(Original post by superman663j7)
ok I know a few people that are in relationships where one of the other people are alot older than the other person in one case the girl is 39 and the husband is 60 thats the same age as her father. but thats one of the older couples I know, I know a girl that is 16 and is sleeping with a 25 year old. I guess that one falls under the age of consent issue but what I'm getting at is... Do you think it is right for someone to be in a relationship where the other person is much older than that person. for example 16 and 25
No problem with it.
0
Everdawn
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#3
Report 15 years ago
#3
No real problem with age differences. Gretel, our host for Big Brother is 42 going out with Saxon from Big Brother 3 who is... 22.
0
canuck
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#4
Report 15 years ago
#4
people should do what they want in relationship, age shouldnt be a factor, unless its like a 10 year old boy with a 18 year old girl, or the other way around.
0
NDGAARONDI
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#5
Report 15 years ago
#5
(Original post by canuck)
people should do what they want in relationship, age shouldnt be a factor, unless its like a 10 year old boy with a 18 year old girl, or the other way around.
I believe s/he's not considering this position for obvious reasons. What about a 14 year old girl with a 16 or 18 year old guy? The more 'grey' areas. You have also assumed that these relationships are in fact sexual.
0
canuck
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#6
Report 15 years ago
#6
(Original post by NDGAARONDI)
I believe s/he's not considering this position for obvious reasons. What about a 14 year old girl with a 16 or 18 year old guy? The more 'grey' areas. You have also assumed that these relationships are in fact sexual.

true, but what relationships arent sexual in any way?
0
sashh
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#7
Report 15 years ago
#7
where was the option for 'it's a good thing'
0
NDGAARONDI
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#8
Report 15 years ago
#8
(Original post by canuck)
true, but what relationships arent sexual in any way?
I have seen some. They're quite rare from my experience but never jump to conclusions.

When I was in my sixth form (16-18 year olds) there was this huge fuss over this classmate of mine who was 17 (m) who was seeing a 14/15 year old (g). Having been at college since I don't understand why they were fussing. I know some of them fussed ebcause they didn't like him as they weren't bogitrous (is that a word?) in other aspects in life at all.
0
Jenna999
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#9
Report 15 years ago
#9
(Original post by NDGAARONDI

When I was in my sixth form (16-18 year olds) there was this [I
)

huge[/I] fuss over this classmate of mine who was 17 (m) who was seeing a 14/15 year old (g). .
17 year old guys going out with girls in the year or two below was really common at my sixth form. The 17 year old girls tended to go for older, more mature guys, which left no one for the 17 year old guys, so they had no option but to look to the years below. There's nothing wrong with that at all.

I think as long as people are over 16 they are mature enough to make their own decisions, and if they want to go out with a 40 year old then more fool them!
0
firebladez777.5
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#10
Report 15 years ago
#10
Theoretically, I suppose if they're both happy with it, it;'s fine. Just a little strange to think of relationships like Joan Collins & some 33 (or something like that) year old dude, or what's-his-name in Neighbours, actually lasting. I'm not saying they can't last; just considering that it might be difficult to find some sort of common ground in those sorts of relationships, with large age differences.
0
NDGAARONDI
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#11
Report 15 years ago
#11
(Original post by Jenna999)
17 year old guys going out with girls in the year or two below was really common at my sixth form. The 17 year old girls tended to go for older, more mature guys, which left no one for the 17 year old guys, so they had no option but to look to the years below. There's nothing wrong with that at all.

I think as long as people are over 16 they are mature enough to make their own decisions, and if they want to go out with a 40 year old then more fool them!
Yes I think it's mainly because they didn't like the guy. But you could argue 14 year old girl with an 18 year old guy. I'm not intending to sound paedophiliac but I have heard somewhere that girls are two years ahead of guys physically. You also could make critical decisions at the age of 14 and you could be a very 'grown-up-fast person' on the inside too. Also having looked at figures for the average age for each gender losing their virginity it would be foolish to think that they all lose it to ages of their own, I know plenty of female friends who prefer older guys.
0
Poc ar buile
Badges: 0
#12
Report 15 years ago
#12
My friend Becky is about six months younger than me (27) and goes out with a 49yr old.

Other than that I am going out with a 23yr old.

I rememeber when I was about 22 I started getting friendly with a 15yr old but thought better of it before it got too serious.

I figure it's more to do with maturity (I'd put mine at about 20 - ignoring a 7yrs relationship/marriage (to a girl 2yrs younger) when I was basically in a sort of suspended animation state!) than age.

I'd have no problem (besides my girlfriend of 3.5yrs :rolleyes: ) going with a 17 or 18 yr old if we were bothe comfortable with it. On the other hand, I'd be unhappy with a 25yr old who was less mature than myself...
0
_EMMA_
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#13
Report 15 years ago
#13
if they are in love i see now problem with it. i do think though that if it is a big difference when one of them is a teenager (like a couple where i live she was 16 and he 37) it is looked at differently than if they are both adult, like 27 and 37.
0
Kid A
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#14
Report 15 years ago
#14
Personally, I think it's skeevy if the age difference is large. 20-odd year olds being attracted to 15-year olds? The difference in lifestlye, like experience, is huge. I'd say a 19-year old and a 30-year old would be pretty much the same. I don't see why someone would *want* to have a relationship with someone 10 or 15 years younger than them apart from sex. Surely whatever traits they posses, so too does someone with 10 more years experience, and probably some more intelligence.

My brother's 27. If he came home with someone my age (19) I would change my opinion of him entirely (though it's not something he would ever do, nor would want to).
0
SamTheMan
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#15
Report 15 years ago
#15
(Original post by superman663j7)
ok I know a few people that are in relationships where one of the other people are alot older than the other person in one case the girl is 39 and the husband is 60 thats the same age as her father. but thats one of the older couples I know, I know a girl that is 16 and is sleeping with a 25 year old. I guess that one falls under the age of consent issue but what I'm getting at is... Do you think it is right for someone to be in a relationship where the other person is much older than that person. for example 16 and 25
Sleeping with a 25 year old? Sounds skeevy to me.

In any such relationship, the 25-year old has the upperhand and despite the fact that some might say the 16-year old girl is almost an adult, knows what she's going etc., she probably doesn't know how 25-year old guys work. Their behaviour is automatically compared to that of the guys around her, and she's obviously impressed because if any guy her age acted like that, she'd fall for him. The only thing is that guys that age don't act that way, with the same intentions. An impressionable 16-year old might be impressed by how romantic the guy is, how much he pays attention to her. But at the end of the day, the 25-year old man is much better at the art of seduction than any other guy around her. He doesn't have better intentions and certainly isn't more respectable: he just knows how to impress a 16-year old girl to get what he wants.
0
MattG
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#16
Report 15 years ago
#16
just come back from kenya, one guy we got to know had a 16 year old wife while he was 29, she had their second child at 16 years of age, having had their first at 14. a bit different....
0
ResidentEvil
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#17
Report 15 years ago
#17
(Original post by polthegael)
I rememeber when I was about 22 I started getting friendly with a 15yr old but thought better of it before it got too serious.
DUDE!, that is so wrong.

I personally think there are certainly 'limits' and standards to be considered for comprehensive/secondary school students. It is true that some young girls who are 13/14 can be deceiving to look physically and even mentally a few years older than they are. In these cases, it's hard to blame the guy.

Personally, I disagree with
(Original post by Jenna99)
I think as long as people are over 16 they are mature enough to make their own decisions
NO! THEY ARE NOT MATURE ENOUGH TO MAKE ANY DECISIONS in terms of relationships with much older men. Their relationship WOULD ALMOST DEFINITELY NOT LAST, and she will lose most things to that man and very likely ruin her academia - the situation for LOTS of people this age, as A-Level students have studied a project on it in our school (we pretty much do projects on loadsa relationship issues). A mature age to make such decisions is probably at the age of atleast 20.

In my opinion acceptable age relationship standards should be as follows:
13 <----- 16 -----> 18 : (i.e. if yer 16, u should be able to date people between 13 - 18)
12 <----- 15 -----> 17
11 <----- 13 -----> 15

For older relationships:
17 <----- 19 -----> 24
17 <----- 20 -----> Any age older then

In terms of adult relationships, at minimum age 20 I think it's fair that they can go as old as they want BUT must not go any lower than 17 for it to 'work'.
0
MadNatSci
Badges: 12
Rep:
?
#18
Report 15 years ago
#18
(Original post by Jenna999)
I think as long as people are over 16 they are mature enough to make their own decisions, and if they want to go out with a 40 year old then more fool them!
No. It depends completely and utterly on the individual and having been very cleverly manipulated in a relationship with a much older guy from the age of seventeen (I got out of it a couple of months ago, came to earth with a very loud and painful bang), I would NEVER recommend to anybody that they have an age gap like that (in my case, 12 years) while they're that young. I was an exceptionally naive and emotionally immature seventeen year old, but looking at the number of other people he'd taken in I have to say - it seems that usually, at seventeen, eighteen, nineteen... you think you know more than you do and therefore you are a prime target. My advice won't do anything to anyone in that situation, I know, because until you find out what's been going on you think that somehow you're different, that this older guy really really likes you for who you are and really cares about you. (The only thing I will say to anyone in the position I was in is that if he really does, he'll wait til you're well out of school before getting serious.)

In answer to the original question - with the benefit of hindsight, no I don't think that sort of relationship is right in cases where the younger person is a teenager. There almost always seems to be some kind of manipulation going on, from what I've seen. I wouldn't stop someone from doing it but if they came to me for advice I'd advise very strongly that they think VERY carefully and, I'm afraid to say, be on their guard. As for me... I doubt I'll be able to believe honest intentions of anyone that much older than me again, at least until I'm well out of university.
0
Jamie Frost
Badges: 6
Rep:
?
#19
Report 15 years ago
#19
I have no problem with large age differences between 2 mature adults (e.g. 25 and 45). However, I do think there is somewhat of a large grey area for relationships between pre-adults and adults.
Maybe I'm being a bit presumptious, but I think in the majority of cases, if a 16 year old girl is going out with some guy who's 21+ (and it's very rarely the other way round), the main focus of the relationship is probably sex, which is a completely wrong foundation. In the teen years, large age differences mean significant differences in general maturity, lifestyle and intelligence.
I'm 18 at the moment, and I would personally be uncomfortable going out with anyone more than a year younger or older than me.
0
Jenna999
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#20
Report 15 years ago
#20
OK, OK, I see what you guys are saying. Maybe when I said they were 'mature' enough, that was the wrong word, as I know damn well that there are plently of immature 16 year olds. They aren't necessarily mature enough to make the right decision, but they will *think* they know what they're doing. They just need to learn the hard way, as they won't listen to anything anyone says.
0
X
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

If you're planning on going to uni this year, would any of these financial reasons stop you?

Not being able to work now to save up for uni (92)
13.79%
Reduced household income due to coronavirus means I can't afford to go (56)
8.4%
Lack of part-time jobs to support me while I'm at uni (86)
12.89%
Lack of graduate job prospects when I finish uni (80)
11.99%
Other reasons are stopping me going (86)
12.89%
Nothing is stopping me going (267)
40.03%

Watched Threads

View All