i found out one of my best friends was accused of raping 1 year ago..
For the sake of things, I'm gonna call him Nathan (not his real name).
Nathan and I have been friends for a bit less than a year. When we met, we became close really quickly. He had asked me to date him about 4 months after we met and continues to ask but I always say no because I don't see him that way.
I recently found out that a few months before I met him, Nathan was accused of raping a girl. No convictions were made so I can't be sure if it's true...
I need advice on what I should do. Should I tell him I know? Do I trust him now that I know this? Do I walk away? Do I ask him about it? Do I carry on as normal?
One thing I am worried about when it comes to asking him, he has told me not to talk to his friends and I found out this from one of his friends who I talk to quite regularly. By confronting him about it, I could get his friend and myself in trouble.
I really don't know what to say or do but because I am afraid it might be true, I am reluctant to see him as much and I have told my little sisters they can't see Nathan again. I need to know people opinions on what is best so it can help me make the right decision on what to do.
Nathan and I have been friends for a bit less than a year. When we met, we became close really quickly. He had asked me to date him about 4 months after we met and continues to ask but I always say no because I don't see him that way.
I recently found out that a few months before I met him, Nathan was accused of raping a girl. No convictions were made so I can't be sure if it's true...
I need advice on what I should do. Should I tell him I know? Do I trust him now that I know this? Do I walk away? Do I ask him about it? Do I carry on as normal?
One thing I am worried about when it comes to asking him, he has told me not to talk to his friends and I found out this from one of his friends who I talk to quite regularly. By confronting him about it, I could get his friend and myself in trouble.
I really don't know what to say or do but because I am afraid it might be true, I am reluctant to see him as much and I have told my little sisters they can't see Nathan again. I need to know people opinions on what is best so it can help me make the right decision on what to do.
Based on how you've told your sisters not to go near him, it sounds like you are already judging him without even being certain. My original suggestion was going to be to ask him in the least confrontational way possible in an environment where he'll feel safe enough to speak openly - but if you're already judging him for it then he'll sense that. You'd be better just cutting off all ties with him rather than trying to talk about it or carry on the friendship.
Don't worry mate forgive him. Just act normal around him if he wants to talk about it he will talk about it, so just act normal be friendly and most of all don't interrogate him!
Original post by Anonymous
For the sake of things, I'm gonna call him Nathan (not his real name).
Nathan and I have been friends for a bit less than a year. When we met, we became close really quickly. He had asked me to date him about 4 months after we met and continues to ask but I always say no because I don't see him that way.
I recently found out that a few months before I met him, Nathan was accused of raping a girl. No convictions were made so I can't be sure if it's true...
I need advice on what I should do. Should I tell him I know? Do I trust him now that I know this? Do I walk away? Do I ask him about it? Do I carry on as normal?
One thing I am worried about when it comes to asking him, he has told me not to talk to his friends and I found out this from one of his friends who I talk to quite regularly. By confronting him about it, I could get his friend and myself in trouble.
I really don't know what to say or do but because I am afraid it might be true, I am reluctant to see him as much and I have told my little sisters they can't see Nathan again. I need to know people opinions on what is best so it can help me make the right decision on what to do.
Nathan and I have been friends for a bit less than a year. When we met, we became close really quickly. He had asked me to date him about 4 months after we met and continues to ask but I always say no because I don't see him that way.
I recently found out that a few months before I met him, Nathan was accused of raping a girl. No convictions were made so I can't be sure if it's true...
I need advice on what I should do. Should I tell him I know? Do I trust him now that I know this? Do I walk away? Do I ask him about it? Do I carry on as normal?
One thing I am worried about when it comes to asking him, he has told me not to talk to his friends and I found out this from one of his friends who I talk to quite regularly. By confronting him about it, I could get his friend and myself in trouble.
I really don't know what to say or do but because I am afraid it might be true, I am reluctant to see him as much and I have told my little sisters they can't see Nathan again. I need to know people opinions on what is best so it can help me make the right decision on what to do.
Clearly you cant talk to him about it because you have gone against his wishes plus also you will land the friend in it. I would leave it.
Innocent till proven guilty and it doesnt seem like the police even pressed charges, An accusation is not guilt and it would be unfair to judge him when he hasnt been convicted.
Maybe in future you will get to know him better and be comfier with him or maybe you will wnat to keep at arms length and slowly cut him out. I'd give him a chance, but being told not to talk to people would always make me a bit suspicious.
Innocent until proven guilty.
There's a good chance that all his other friends reacted the same way as you did when he was accused of rape, by criminalising just because someone said he did it even though there was no proof. If this was the case then it's not surprising he didn't want you talking to them.
There's a good chance that all his other friends reacted the same way as you did when he was accused of rape, by criminalising just because someone said he did it even though there was no proof. If this was the case then it's not surprising he didn't want you talking to them.
I think u should just sit down with him and be really honest. Tell him what u have found out about the rape thing but dont accuse him and dont dob his friend into it. Just say u want a truthful convo and see what happens. Cant hurt to try right? As long as he knows ur not judging then it shud be fine.
What's the point in asking him about it? Regardless of what actually happened surely he's going to claim innocence. If he is guilty, he's not going to confess to raping someone when he wasn't charged is he? So if you confront him, he'd naturally claim innocence, and be upset that you went against his wishes. I don't see what you have to gain from it.
Innocent until proven guilty, but I do understand how you may feel a little more weary now. That's understandable I feel.
Innocent until proven guilty, but I do understand how you may feel a little more weary now. That's understandable I feel.
The accusation has already come between you, so you can't act like you never heard anything. Thus, either you must withdraw or talk to him about it directly. As you seem to care, I would suggest talking to him directly, giving him a chance to provide his perspective. If he focuses on the fact that you talked to someone he forbid you to see - that in and of itself smacks of an unhealthy need for control - then you will know he has something to hide. But he may come clean and then you can continue your friendship.
If you think he's capable of something that disgusting then why are you his friend? Often your gut instinct is the correct one. Regardless of whether he did it, you don't need a friend who you find creepy or who you tell your sisters to stay away from.
Why would he not want you to talk to his friends? Sounds suspicious. And how did his friend tell you? Was it in a manner where he thought Nathan was guilty? Because if his friend truly believed his innocence then why would they tell you that he'd been accused?
I'd be getting weird vibes without that accusation.
Why doesn't he want you to talk to his friends?
Why does he keep asking you out when you keep turning him down?
Is it because he doesnt understand 'no'?
Why doesn't he want you to talk to his friends?
Why does he keep asking you out when you keep turning him down?
Is it because he doesnt understand 'no'?
Original post by bluemadhatter
Why would he not want you to talk to his friends? Sounds suspicious. And how did his friend tell you? Was it in a manner where he thought Nathan was guilty? Because if his friend truly believed his innocence then why would they tell you that he'd been accused?
He hasn't ever given me an exact reason as to why he doesn't want me talking to his friends and when I ask him he just becomes unresponsive and shuts down. His friend just said that he wanted to warn me that nathan isn't telling me everything and when I asked what he meant he just said "Nathan was accused of raping a girl in high school but you didn't hear it from me"
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