Changing since starting uni, confidence issues...please help

Does anyone else find themselves sometimes putting on an act during social situations, when in reality you're completely different? Like faking confidence or whatever?

Since I started uni last year I've changed quite alot. When I was at college, I was quiet and shy. I didnt speak to many people and kind of blended in and just concentrated on my work. I didnt really stand out at all and I didnt let many people get close to me, so as a result I didnt have that many friends.

I lost alot of weight over the summer between college and uni (I was never overweight but normal sized, whereas now I am very slim) and I dyed my hair blonde etc. When I started uni I found I had the confidence to speak up in social situations, meet new people etc. I saw uni as a chance to start afresh and get rid of any preconceptions that people at college had of me. I go out a couple of times a week and end up chatting to loads of people (alcohol also helps, I will say more about this later).

The thing is, I was comparing what I'm like in seminars and what I'm like when Im out in clubs and I act completely differently. Its like being in a 'classroom' situation brings back all the old insecurities I had during school/college and I end up going really quiet and shy. Its so frustrating coz I want to keep up this confident front but I cant do it. I get worried that I'll say something stupid and get shown up!

I'm particularly worried about starting my 2nd year in Sept, as many of my new friends i've made while out clubbing may be in the same seminars and wonder why I'm not my usual loud self.

I dont even know why I do this. Its like I feel I have to put on all this bravado and use a confident, bubbly front to hide how shy I actually am with people. I also use alcohol as a big confidence boost, which I wish I didnt have to do. Its like a social crutch and I dont want to end up dependent on it. Many acquaintances I have think Im very confident and loud, but I'm actually not. And I'm worried that people will see that when I'm in seminars and I dont say much - because I dont have my makeup/alcohol/clothes/whatever to boost me up.

Does anyone else feel like this, or know what I mean? I dont try to be someone I'm not - because I am naturally quite bubbly to an extent - but I try to hide the shy side so much that I end up really worrying about it. Any advice?

Reply 1

][ceman

Don't worry about it.

Just say you like to work hard in the day and play hard in the evening.

Reply 2

Lara C.

no offence but i cant stand people who put on an act. drives me insane.

Reply 3

lily_w

Like I said, i only put on an act to an extent (and thats hiding shyness). I'm not a completely fake person. I just worry about having confidence in seminar situations

Reply 4

sidekick

Dac_10

no offence but i cant stand people who put on an act. drives me insane.

yes but you're missing the point. there's a difference. this isn't putting on an act as in pretending to be someone you're not, for social climbing purposes or whatever. this is doing what you have to do in order to try and become what you know you can be. a lot of people who seem amazingly confident are putting it on somewhat, or become that way when around others, but when they're alone can be less confident, quiet etc. i know because i do it too. having others around you (and having consumed alcohol lol) does help you to be more confident, and i found that starting uni was also a great way to start again and try and be my true self.
OP, it sounds like you're getting there though... if you feel like you look good, and you know you can be this confident, fun person, then that's a part of you, just like the quieter times are also a part of you. no-one is bubbly, bouncy and loud all the time. i'm a lot quieter in seminars etc too, and it's not always because i'm not necessarily confident, but because i don't want to impose my personality on others in a way, which i spose is a bit of a confidence issue. i dont know if yours is the same thing but anyway i do know how you feel and i think it's quite common. try not to worry about it - your friends wont think any the less of you for being a bit quieter in lessons. and if it comes out that you're not always as confident as you seem - well, everyone has vulnerable points, and your friends might be able to accept some credit for being part of helping to bring you out of yourself? if you've made good friends and had a fun year socially, then it's all part of you developing and getting to know yourself, and just have to take it as it comes and know that you are a complex person :smile:

woo deep

Reply 5

HereFishyFishy

Dac_10

no offence but i cant stand people who put on an act. drives me insane.

That is NOT what she is saying, for God's sake. :rolleyes:

Past securities are surfacing. Just because she's trying to be more confident doesn't mean she's fake.

OP: don't worry about it, honestly. Social and seminal situations are totally different. If you're really bothered and want to explain it, I guess you could say something like you haven't studied enough?
Remember that you're not in school anymore and you have new friends who accept and like you. Try and aay a little more every seminar. Just take it slowly. It's possible having your new friends there may even help you.

Reply 6

Jake22

Don't worry about it; it's called growing up!

Plenty of loud and brash people are putting on a front to disguise their lack of self-confidence - it isn't just you!

It is all part of the process of growing up and working out what type of woman you are: People say you should 'be yourself' or 'act naturally' but the fact is that it takes some time to discover what being yourself really entails and you will find that many people, probably even most of the friends you are refering to, feel shy/awkward or lack self-confidence. For the moment I would relax, after all, you say that your friends/aquaintances think that you are confident based on your behaviour in the clubbing environment so you must be doing something right already.

You need to realise that to be confident, you don't have to conform to some ideal of acting in a certain way i.e. being loud or especially chatty but rather that one can be confident enough to maintain the integrity of not modifying ones behaviour/principles etc. in order to appear a certain way in front of other people - you have to let people take you as you are.

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