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Very unhappy with my body (advice please) watch

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    *RANT/RAMBLE*

    I honestly hate every last inch of my body. For every part of me there will always be at least one thing I despise about it. I think I'm disgusting.

    I've always thought I was "chubby", probably since the age of 6 or 7. My parents always said it was just "puppy fat" and that it would go away eventually. I held onto this.
    When I started high school I was free to eat anything I wanted, as there's was no way my mum would find out what I'd been buying from Asda or whatever. I went mad, eating loads of doughnuts, biscuits, sweets and chocolate every single day simply because I could and I enjoyed them. I was very short at this time (as I was only 11, around 4'10") so any extra weight I put on would have been whiteboard obvious. This went on for pretty much the entire of year 7.
    I had my first body consciousness issues in year 8. I'd put on a considerable amount of weight (about a stone in a year) and I'd barely grown at all. I felt fat and disgusting, and all I wanted was to be pretty. I'd also started to have the odd breakout (probably due to all the sugar I was shoving in my mouth) which made me feel even worse about myself. I started shoving on makeup to try and cover it up, which didn't go very well. To try and make myself feel better I started flirting a bit, to try and get some attention. I ended up getting a boyfriend which distracted me from hating who I was because I thought someone loved me for me. That made me feel good. Of course though we were only 13 so it wasn't going to last. After 2 months we broke up and then I was back to my old ways. Around this time I'd been growing very distant from my friends, and in the summer of 2013 we had a massive argument and fell out really badly. I felt alone, and worthless, and I didn't know how to cope. It was then when I cut for the first time.
    In year 9 I finally had a growth spurt. I felt a lot better, as my body fat was better distributed and I didn't look quite as fat, even though I weighed the same. This was the time I hit puberty though, so I did feel pretty grim. I had greasy hair a lot of the time, my skin was getting worse and worse. But my main focus was how fat I was, so I was a lot less bothered at this time.
    Throughout year 10 I noticed my self-consciousness growing. I felt the need to wear makeup every day or else I felt ugly, I had become used to my new height so felt fat again, and there was still no improvement to my skin. I think this was the start of depressive thoughts (I haven't been diagnosed with depression, but I have a few signs) and I lacked the energy to try and make myself look better. I self harmed again for a while during this period.
    In year 11 I decided to try and change myself. I started going to the gym once a week to try and lose weight, and tried to eat a bit better. It sort of worked. I didn't lose any weight or get any slimmer, but the regular exercise made me happier and I did get a bit fitter after I upped it to twice a week from January. Soon enough my god exams came and I found myself incredibly stressed. I stopped going to the gym entirely because I thought it wasted too much precious revision time, and I completely neglected personal hygiene. It was a massive, massive low. I was having frequent breakdowns (due to a fear of failure) and my mental state as a result was poor. Self harm was becoming a bit more frequent because I was just so overwhelmed and it was the only way I felt in control.
    At prom I felt fat and ugly. Everyone else looked stunning and I didn't get any compliments like they were. Even when I complimented them they just said "thanks" and turned away. It was heartbreaking, and I spent the entire night wanting to focus home. Part of me wanted to cut, but I wasn't at home so I couldn't.
    Now in year 12 the bad thoughts about my body have returned. I feel fatter than I've ever felt before, my skin is a monstrosity and I just feel like a massive joke. I'm currently 2 months and 2 days clean of self harm but ive had so many urges since then.

    My main problem is that I don't want to be healthy. I want to lose weight quickly and the thing that looks the most appealing is starvation. I'm currently on 2 small meals a day (and have been for a while) and I really want to reduce it to one, only eating my tea at home so that no one suspects anything. From next week I'm starting the gym again twice a week, and I'm going to work out at home every night as well. I hope it works. I'm sick of feeling fat and ugly.

    How does my situation sound? Do I actually have a problem or is this normal? I'm just a bit concerned because it's been going on for so long and I'm running out of options other than unhealthy ones. Thanks to anyone who reads all this, I know it should very long and rambly.
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    *quite not whiteboard
    *GCSE not god
    *go not focus
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    My main problem is that I don't want to be healthy.
    Well I think I've found your problem.

    Starvation is a really terrible idea that doesn't necessarily make you lose weight and it can do awful damage to your organs, from what I've read.

    Eating healthier is a better than eating less. More vegetables, fewer carbs and less meat will help a lot. You don't have to eat lettuce and nothing else, there's loads of tasty things you can eat which will keep you from being hungry but won't mean you have a calorific excess.

    Exercise is also important. From what I've been reading recently, multiple short sessions of intense exercise (such as running) can be more time efficient (in terms of calories burnt per minute of exercise) than longer and less intense exercise. This is also convenient as it means you can slip in a few short sessions a day.

    As for the general feeling of being fat/ugly - I'm not a psychiatrist, but I can tell you from my experience that the knowledge that you're losing weight is good for self esteem.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    *RANT/RAMBLE*

    My main problem is that I don't want to be healthy. I want to lose weight quickly and the thing that looks the most appealing is starvation. I'm currently on 2 small meals a day (and have been for a while) and I really want to reduce it to one, only eating my tea at home so that no one suspects anything. From next week I'm starting the gym again twice a week, and I'm going to work out at home every night as well. I hope it works. I'm sick of feeling fat and ugly.

    How does my situation sound? Do I actually have a problem or is this normal? I'm just a bit concerned because it's been going on for so long and I'm running out of options other than unhealthy ones. Thanks to anyone who reads all this, I know it should very long and rambly.
    Did you say you have a therapist?

    Obviously you have negative body image and you are prone to seeking your own extreme solutions. If you ahve stopped self harming then you are taking it out on yourself another way. Its not a healthy approach to things.

    Its not normal. You should mention it to your therapist. You sound as though you have developed a very unhel;athy approach to food, which will turn into an eating disorder.

    How tall are you and whats your weight?

    If you are overweight, then a moderate calorie deifict and slight change of diet plus regular exercise will help you lean down. Extreme dieting isnt helathy and is much less likely to be kept off.

    If you actually arent overweight, then when you go to the gym I would focus on lifting weights which will help maximise your musdle, enourage fat loss and improve your overall body shape.
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    (Original post by Manitude)
    Well I think I've found your problem.

    Starvation is a really terrible idea that doesn't necessarily make you lose weight and it can do awful damage to your organs, from what I've read.

    Eating healthier is a better than eating less. More vegetables, fewer carbs and less meat will help a lot. You don't have to eat lettuce and nothing else, there's loads of tasty things you can eat which will keep you from being hungry but won't mean you have a calorific excess.

    Exercise is also important. From what I've been reading recently, multiple short sessions of intense exercise (such as running) can be more time efficient (in terms of calories burnt per minute of exercise) than longer and less intense exercise. This is also convenient as it means you can slip in a few short sessions a day.

    As for the general feeling of being fat/ugly - I'm not a psychiatrist, but I can tell you from my experience that the knowledge that you're losing weight is good for self esteem.
    Ok thank you, I'll try and keep it healthy. I'm just a bit desperate
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Did you say you have a therapist?

    Obviously you have negative body image and you are prone to seeking your own extreme solutions. If you ahve stopped self harming then you are taking it out on yourself another way. Its not a healthy approach to things.

    Its not normal. You should mention it to your therapist. You sound as though you have developed a very unhel;athy approach to food, which will turn into an eating disorder.

    How tall are you and whats your weight?

    If you are overweight, then a moderate calorie deifict and slight change of diet plus regular exercise will help you lean down. Extreme dieting isnt helathy and is much less likely to be kept off.

    If you actually arent overweight, then when you go to the gym I would focus on lifting weights which will help maximise your musdle, enourage fat loss and improve your overall body shape.
    No I don't have a therapist
    Yeah I'm trying to stop because obviously it's not good and I'm gonna have scars for the rest of my life, so usually I try and do less harmful things like punching pillows or just crying (if it's not that bad)
    Oh :/ that's scary
    Last time I checked, which was a few months ago, I was 5'3" and 59kg
    Ok I'll focus on weights and stuff and eat healthily
    Thank you
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No I don't have a therapist
    Yeah I'm trying to stop because obviously it's not good and I'm gonna have scars for the rest of my life, so usually I try and do less harmful things like punching pillows or just crying (if it's not that bad)
    Oh :/ that's scary
    Last time I checked, which was a few months ago, I was 5'3" and 59kg
    Ok I'll focus on weights and stuff and eat healthily
    Thank you
    I think you need to do the following.

    Get to the root of your behaviours and things that are making you unhappy. Poor body image and low self esteem are always linked. Its importnat you care about and support yourself rather than punishing.

    1. You need to talk to people who can listen.
    - Childline 0800 1111
    - For the self harm you can ask questions here
    https://www.selfharm.co.uk/questions
    http://www.youngminds.org.uk/about/o..._awareness_day

    - For eating disorders, then BEAT 0345 634 7650. I dont think you have an eating disorder, but they can talk to you about food and not developing an unhelathy relationship. Starving yourself is bad. they should be able to talk to you about body image.

    https://www.b-eat.co.uk/

    2. Your GP or a teacher or your parents. I appreciate the latter two may be impossible.

    3. You are actually a normal weight, which is good. What you need to do is get an exercise regime that involved lifting weights and getting leaner. This can help you reduce your body fat (although remember you are a healthy weight) and it cna help you get a more defined look. It will also improve your helath and make you stronger.

    So your idea of losing weight quickly isnt the answer. You will look better and more compact by having lower body fat.

    You cna join the exercise forums here or on My fitness pal where you can get training buddies and advice.

    You can also sign up for a free fitness blender account for workout routines at home and scoobyworkshops is also a good site. More serious weights and detailed videos plus numerous articles cna be seen on bodybuilding.com.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/
    https://www.fitnessblender.com/
    http://scoobysworkshop.com/


    Its possible you can get a body you are happy with as long as you are patient plus put in the hard work and are realistic.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No I don't have a therapist
    Yeah I'm trying to stop because obviously it's not good and I'm gonna have scars for the rest of my life, so usually I try and do less harmful things like punching pillows or just crying (if it's not that bad)
    Oh :/ that's scary
    Last time I checked, which was a few months ago, I was 5'3" and 59kg
    Ok I'll focus on weights and stuff and eat healthily
    Thank you

    That's not a terrible weight.

    I only scanned your first post as it was very long.


    See a doctor and get help.

    http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/body-dy...roduction.aspx


    You clearly need to improve your diet.

    Maybe give Huel a go if you're lazy like me.

    https://huel.com
 
 
 
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