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Fight 6 weeks into dating - advice? watch

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    So I have recently gone off to university, and started dating a guy there about 7 weeks ago (about a week into the course). It all went really well, meeting up all the time, going to the movies, but we had a fight when we were both drunk in a nightclub (can't even remember what about, but it escalated). Since then, he has acted so cold toward me. I am not sure what to do... I really really like him and see us going forward, but I feel so guilty (it was my fault). It happened just over a week ago now. Is it normal for him to still be a bit distant? We have kissed since and met and spoken, and both agreed we really liked each other, but I feel that he may be pulling away, and it is devastating. I feel that we both invested so much into hanging out frequently, that it would be a shame for a five-minute drunken argument to ruin what we had. Last week he seemed reluctant to continue, but since told me he changed his mind and he likes me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I feel crazy trying to second-guess his feelings and text messages, and even crazier I'm writing this on this forum instead of studying, but I guess it's a good way to vent. Thanks x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am not sure what to do... I really really like him and see us going forward, but I feel so guilty (it was my fault)
    Apologise and commit not to making the same mistake
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Apologise and commit not to making the same mistake
    I have already done that as many times as possible; I feel like I may have ruined something amazing
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I have recently gone off to university, and started dating a guy there about 7 weeks ago (about a week into the course). It all went really well, meeting up all the time, going to the movies, but we had a fight when we were both drunk in a nightclub (can't even remember what about, but it escalated). Since then, he has acted so cold toward me. I am not sure what to do... I really really like him and see us going forward, but I feel so guilty (it was my fault). It happened just over a week ago now. Is it normal for him to still be a bit distant? We have kissed since and met and spoken, and both agreed we really liked each other, but I feel that he may be pulling away, and it is devastating. I feel that we both invested so much into hanging out frequently, that it would be a shame for a five-minute drunken argument to ruin what we had. Last week he seemed reluctant to continue, but since told me he changed his mind and he likes me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I feel crazy trying to second-guess his feelings and text messages, and even crazier I'm writing this on this forum instead of studying, but I guess it's a good way to vent. Thanks x
    It would be normal in such a situation for you to both have a talk about it and reach some form of resolution. You boh need to express how you feel and then be prepared to put it behind you. he may or may not tell you the truth. Guessing is boring. Apologising is helpful, but it doesnt deal with the issue.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    It would be normal in such a situation for you to both have a talk about it and reach some form of resolution. You boh need to express how you feel and then be prepared to put it behind you. he may or may not tell you the truth. Guessing is boring. Apologising is helpful, but it doesnt deal with the issue.
    it was a week ago now and we have already kissed etc, and I explicitly said where I want it to go; he didn't, but insinuated the same.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    it was a week ago now and we have already kissed etc, and I explicitly said where I want it to go; he didn't, but insinuated the same.
    So great you kissed and made up but iyo he still has an issue with it hence your behaviour. The strategy of knowing where you stand comes from guessing insinutaions. Its starting to sound dysfunctional. Read your OP. Does that sound like you kissed and made up?
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    So great you kissed and made up but iyo he still has an issue with it hence your behaviour. The strategy of knowing where you stand comes from guessing insinutaions. Its starting to sound dysfunctional. Read your OP. Does that sound like you kissed and made up?
    no it doesn't; I will explicitly ask him if he wants to move forward. Some of my real-life friends say its fine and it just takes time and they would 'be exactly the same'; whilst others are saying its immature and unfair. Im quite a forgiving person and move on quickly, maybe he just isn't like that
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    no it doesn't; I will explicitly ask him if he wants to move forward. Some of my real-life friends say its fine and it just takes time and they would 'be exactly the same'; whilst others are saying its immature and unfair. Im quite a forgiving person and move on quickly, maybe he just isn't like that
    I cant reach a boew, because I dont know either of you. Its about findining balance. Many boys can tend to be a bit rubbish about communicating what they feel.

    I just go from the common sense view that its nice to know where you both stand and that if you say one thing and behave in a different way, then that doesnt match up? He could say things are fine because its the fastest way to avoid talking about anything.

    I would go with your friends who say wait and see if he settles. If not then after a few weeks pick your moment and ask. Dont smother him or be too on top of it or it will scare him. Some boys can talk to you and others less so. Some biys will be interested in improving and resolving anything that makes you happy and others will be less bothered.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have already done that as many times as possible
    Good, then focus on other things. If it's a go'er he'll snap out of it and show he values you soon enough

    I feel like I may have ruined something amazing
    Maybe you did, but speculating/beating yourself up about it won't change anything :dontknow:
 
 
 
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