Saw my flatmates 'friends with benefits' guy with another girl

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
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So basically my flatmate who I'm close friends with, is in a friends with benefits relationship with a guy and they have been for the last couple weeks. I know that even though their relationship is only friends with benefits, she really cares about him and trusts him because she shares personal information with him that she wouldn't tell anyone else. And i genuinely thought he cared just as much about her.
But the thing is, last night when i went clubbing i saw him being really close and intimate with another girl. They weren't kissing they were just like dancing super close, holding hands, and hugging, all that kinda intimate thing.

So now i really don't know what to do, should i tell her? Because i don't want her to get hurt. Or do you think its not a big deal because they weren't kissing or anything so maybe i got the wrong idea? She really likes him though and she's going through a really hard time so i'm worried it'll make things worse

Thank u for any replies!
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Mutmit287
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So basically my flatmate who I'm close friends with, is in a friends with benefits relationship with a guy and they have been for the last couple weeks. I know that even though their relationship is only friends with benefits, she really cares about him and trusts him because she shares personal information with him that she wouldn't tell anyone else. And i genuinely thought he cared just as much about her.
But the thing is, last night when i went clubbing i saw him being really close and intimate with another girl. They weren't kissing they were just like dancing super close, holding hands, and hugging, all that kinda intimate thing.

So now i really don't know what to do, should i tell her? Because i don't want her to get hurt. Or do you think its not a big deal because they weren't kissing or anything so maybe i got the wrong idea? She really likes him though and she's going through a really hard time so i'm worried it'll make things worse

Thank u for any replies!
This is such a difficult situation because FWB is very different to a full on committed relationship, and its about what they have defined as acceptable.

In your situation I would probably talk to your flatmate about seeing the guy out dancing closely with another girl, if I was her I would want to know sooner rather than later. by telling her you may hurt her in the short term, but in the long term it may prevent her getting to invested in him.

its a fine line to draw though.
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ANM775
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#3
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she's his "friend with benefits", and has no right really to start getting angry at this sort of stuff ... nor is he doing anything wrong at all by flirting with other girls
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Observatory
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#4
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Friends with benefits isn't exclusive. You really think she doesn't already know?
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Vereor
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#5
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You've confused two things here. Either they are in a relationship OR they are friends with benefits.

They can't be both, one is mutually exclusive and the other isn't.
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Alexion
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#6
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If this is FWB like you say then it's a non-exclusive commitment.

Your flatmate needs to tell him she wants more or she'll lose him for sure...
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Camilli
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#7
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Just the same, she should know what he thinks the deal is. If she wants to renogatiate or walk away, then that is her choice.
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unprinted
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#8
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If you're determined to stick your nose in, despite the fact that it rarely ends well, then step one would be asking her what she thinks the deal is with him.
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sinfonietta
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#9
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If they're just FWB then it's fine. There is no reason for you to get involved.
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xmertic
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#10
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So basically my flatmate who I'm close friends with, is in a friends with benefits relationship with a guy and they have been for the last couple weeks. I know that even though their relationship is only friends with benefits, she really cares about him and trusts him because she shares personal information with him that she wouldn't tell anyone else. And i genuinely thought he cared just as much about her.
But the thing is, last night when i went clubbing i saw him being really close and intimate with another girl. They weren't kissing they were just like dancing super close, holding hands, and hugging, all that kinda intimate thing.

So now i really don't know what to do, should i tell her? Because i don't want her to get hurt. Or do you think its not a big deal because they weren't kissing or anything so maybe i got the wrong idea? She really likes him though and she's going through a really hard time so i'm worried it'll make things worse

Thank u for any replies!
The whole point of friends with benefits is that there are no strings attached. Your friend should understand and accept that their arrangement doesn't prohibit either of them seeing other people.
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Lemons1990
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#11
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FWB is a different kettle of fish compared to a normal relationship. Your friend has consented, as long as they were both clear at the start with regards to expectations and have set up some ground rules, it's supposed to just be the benefits minus the hassle of having a real relationship.

You can care and even love the other person, but you're officially not dating, so I don't think the friend needs to be told.
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The_Internet
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#12
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(Original post by Vereor)
You've confused two things here. Either they are in a relationship OR they are friends with benefits.

They can't be both, one is mutually exclusive and the other isn't.
Well they coupd be in an open relationship
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Retired_Messiah
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#13
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If she gets angry when she hasn't been promised exclusivity that's a bit dumb, but regardless if she was my friend and it was something I was sure she'd want to know I'd tell her anyway.
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midgetspinner
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#14
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snitches get stitches
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angelfox
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#15
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don't stick your nose in.
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Camilli
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#16
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If it's not a big deal, there's no harm in bringing it up.
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firemyst
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#17
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So basically my flatmate who I'm close friends with, is in a friends with benefits relationship with a guy and they have been for the last couple weeks. I know that even though their relationship is only friends with benefits, she really cares about him and trusts him because she shares personal information with him that she wouldn't tell anyone else. And i genuinely thought he cared just as much about her.
But the thing is, last night when i went clubbing i saw him being really close and intimate with another girl. They weren't kissing they were just like dancing super close, holding hands, and hugging, all that kinda intimate thing.

So now i really don't know what to do, should i tell her? Because i don't want her to get hurt. Or do you think its not a big deal because they weren't kissing or anything so maybe i got the wrong idea? She really likes him though and she's going through a really hard time so i'm worried it'll make things worse

Thank u for any replies!
I think you should mind your business. Your friend is in that kind of relationship, which she knows isn't exclusive. If she has feelings for him, then she should break off the FWB part with him before she seriously gets hurt. Otherwise, she has no say in what he does.
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bbbonbon
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#18
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#18
Friends with benefits isn't exclusive. You really think she doesn't already know?
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