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Lonliness is why I'm depressed. watch

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    Hi,
    I was hoping that someone on TSR has experienced what it is like to feel like this. I am a single 18 year old girl whose life consists of just going to work and going to uni. I have never had a proper boyfriend and never get to hang out with "friends" because they are always preoccupied with their boyfriends. I am the only one who spends Saturday nights either at home alone or at work. I know the phrase lonely and without a boyfriend seems soppy and pathetic, but when you have felt lonely for so long it becomes painful. I am beginning to accept that I am always going to be lonely and I will never find anyone. I have no joy in anything outside of work and study (apart from going to the gym), it's horrible. I cannot explain how depressed it makes me feel. I have even been put on anti-depressants for it. Please, can anyone tell me how to change this stupid situation that is gradually ruining my life.

    Thank-you!!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi,
    I was hoping that someone on TSR has experienced what it is like to feel like this. I am a single 18 year old girl whose life consists of just going to work and going to uni. I have never had a proper boyfriend and never get to hang out with "friends" because they are always preoccupied with their boyfriends. I am the only one who spends Saturday nights either at home alone or at work. I know the phrase lonely and without a boyfriend seems soppy and pathetic, but when you have felt lonely for so long it becomes painful. I am beginning to accept that I am always going to be lonely and I will never find anyone. I have no joy in anything outside of work and study (apart from going to the gym), it's horrible. I cannot explain how depressed it makes me feel. I have even been put on anti-depressants for it. Please, can anyone tell me how to change this stupid situation that is gradually ruining my life.

    Thank-you!!
    You're only 18 hun, not 52. Even if you were 52 you'd have a world of opportunities in front of you to do whatever you wanted to.
    Have you not joined any new societies, or volunteering? Your current "friends" have boyfriends and that is causing you to not be able to spend time with others.
    You have to meet others who you will happy with. I wasn't happy with any of my 'friends' in year 13 but after starting uni I met some people who were definitely the best I'd ever met, they always made me smile. You will meet people like that too, try talking to new people.
    Good Luck
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi,
    I was hoping that someone on TSR has experienced what it is like to feel like this. I am a single 18 year old girl whose life consists of just going to work and going to uni. I have never had a proper boyfriend and never get to hang out with "friends" because they are always preoccupied with their boyfriends. I am the only one who spends Saturday nights either at home alone or at work. I know the phrase lonely and without a boyfriend seems soppy and pathetic, but when you have felt lonely for so long it becomes painful. I am beginning to accept that I am always going to be lonely and I will never find anyone. I have no joy in anything outside of work and study (apart from going to the gym), it's horrible. I cannot explain how depressed it makes me feel. I have even been put on anti-depressants for it. Please, can anyone tell me how to change this stupid situation that is gradually ruining my life.

    Thank-you!!
    Aww don't feel bad about it. Everyone gets depressed at some point, it will get better. Nothing stays "bad" forever.

    Well, what would you like to do? Is your main priority to get a boyfriend, or would you simply like to try some new things or something else? You have to ask yourself questions like this cause if you don't have a plan, you're just going to panic haha. Can't change without having any idea what you want to change. And as for those friends, you don't need them you can make new ones.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi,
    I was hoping that someone on TSR has experienced what it is like to feel like this. I am a single 18 year old girl whose life consists of just going to work and going to uni. I have never had a proper boyfriend and never get to hang out with "friends" because they are always preoccupied with their boyfriends. I am the only one who spends Saturday nights either at home alone or at work. I know the phrase lonely and without a boyfriend seems soppy and pathetic, but when you have felt lonely for so long it becomes painful. I am beginning to accept that I am always going to be lonely and I will never find anyone. I have no joy in anything outside of work and study (apart from going to the gym), it's horrible. I cannot explain how depressed it makes me feel. I have even been put on anti-depressants for it. Please, can anyone tell me how to change this stupid situation that is gradually ruining my life.

    Thank-you!!
    I've never had a boyfriend never mind a 'proper' boyfriend and I don't even have "friends" so your doing better then me. Look your 18 chill the **** out. If you ever wanna talk just pm me we seem to be in similar situation I just give less of a **** about the whole thing :') yer but for real just pm me if you wanna talk- I really relate


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    If you want a boyfriend then it's not hard, you just need to be able to identify if someone is single and tell him that you are too, if he doesn't take the lead from there then he's a pussy and not worth it. The thing about depression is that you know how to become happy, but you do nothing about it, so you just stay stuck in the same place and refuse to get out of it. I recommend you try to approach a guy just so that you can say to yourself that you tried, from then it'll become much easier to do it in the future.
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    If someone figured out an answer to loneliness, then no one would be lonely. It's a vicious cycle, loneliness sucks your energy, and without energy you can't manage to be social. Sorry, was I supposed to be encouraging ?

    In all seriousness, don't give up. There's so much time and you'll meet so many new people, you're bound to click eventually.
    I speak from experience (as do tbh a heck of a lot of teenagers) that being lonely sucks and it makes the days go by so slowly.

    Try and make the days a little easier by solving the stuff that you can solve. Appreciate the things you enjoy. Hey, you like going to the gym, and you also enjoy your studies, that's amounts to a lot. Do you know how many people hate their work? You're not one of them.

    Be social in small ways. Join societies. Volunteer. And don't think of it as, 'oh this is me fishing for new friends/boyfriends', think of it as you doing something because you're interested/want to make a difference, and the making friends is just the added bonus. Being social, even in 'lame' ways like volunteering, will make you feel a lot better. We're social animals.

    Also you put inverted commas around your friends. I guess you don't think you're close. Do you reckon you'd be comfortable telling them how you feel about wanting to hang out, or that you want a boyfriend? Maybe they could set you up with someone.

    Lastly, the way you wrote it, it seems like you're looking for a serious relationship. But there are a decent amount of people this age that just aren't looking for serious relationships - and if you are you should be aware that some guys are hungry af. Loneliness isn't the absence of romance, but the absence of quality relationships, which you can get from friends too.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi,
    I was hoping that someone on TSR has experienced what it is like to feel like this. I am a single 18 year old girl whose life consists of just going to work and going to uni. I have never had a proper boyfriend and never get to hang out with "friends" because they are always preoccupied with their boyfriends. I am the only one who spends Saturday nights either at home alone or at work. I know the phrase lonely and without a boyfriend seems soppy and pathetic, but when you have felt lonely for so long it becomes painful. I am beginning to accept that I am always going to be lonely and I will never find anyone. I have no joy in anything outside of work and study (apart from going to the gym), it's horrible. I cannot explain how depressed it makes me feel. I have even been put on anti-depressants for it. Please, can anyone tell me how to change this stupid situation that is gradually ruining my life.

    Thank-you!!

    Same. :five:
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    (Original post by stefano865)
    Same. :five:
    Aww Stefano, but you have more than 10 wives here :lol:
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    (Original post by Eternalflames)
    Aww Stefano, but you have more than 10 wives here :lol:

    True.

    I was joking really.

    I've had a few chances this year but my circumstances make having a girlfriend very difficult. But I'm not a completely lost cause luckily.

    What about you? bf etc?
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    I'm 31 and never had a girlfriend, got anxiety depression etc etc etc. Dont drink so I dont socialise that way.

    I tried CBT this year and some other self help stuff and only now have started to turn a corner. Start with CBT for dummies and go from there, Audiable has some GREAT audio books for depression and anxiety you can really help yourself.

    Second thing to do is get out more, check out extra curricular events at your uni and local area, most unis have loads of stuff going on you dont know about, networking events, lectures, workshops. The gym helps a lot but its still a loner activity.

    There are a few websites with random local activites just go and do something.

    Its the frame of mind that holds you back, if you change that you can do anything.

    I tried all the meds and they just made me more disconnected, not that they wont help someone else but there are other ways the doctor wont suggest. Just recently I noticed a girl looking at me and realised she liked me, its probably happened before I just never noticed/accepted it, made me smile though. You have to change your perception to see whats in front of you.
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    Loneliness refines your ability to love and care for people. The gentlest souls are often the loneliest.

    Just know that one day someone will recognise this beautiful fragility within you and you will love and be loved in a way that most people never will be.


    For now focus instead on self improvement and striving for academic, professional and physical excellence, learning new skills, learning about society and the world. It's a liberating distraction.
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    (Original post by stefano865)
    True.

    I was joking really.

    I've had a few chances this year but my circumstances make having a girlfriend very difficult. But I'm not a completely lost cause luckily.

    What about you? bf etc?
    Ah right.

    Nope, I've never been in a relationship
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi,
    I was hoping that someone on TSR has experienced what it is like to feel like this. I am a single 18 year old girl whose life consists of just going to work and going to uni. I have never had a proper boyfriend and never get to hang out with "friends" because they are always preoccupied with their boyfriends. I am the only one who spends Saturday nights either at home alone or at work. I know the phrase lonely and without a boyfriend seems soppy and pathetic, but when you have felt lonely for so long it becomes painful. I am beginning to accept that I am always going to be lonely and I will never find anyone. I have no joy in anything outside of work and study (apart from going to the gym), it's horrible. I cannot explain how depressed it makes me feel. I have even been put on anti-depressants for it. Please, can anyone tell me how to change this stupid situation that is gradually ruining my life.

    Thank-you!!
    Have you joined a society? That could help you to socialise. I think you need to send some focus on learning how to be social and improving your mental state. It's not healthy to just focus on uni and it's clearly bothering you.
    You might find that therapy or counseling helps you to become more social and generally happier. CBT can be very good.
    It is never too late to make friends and a lot of people at uni will be feeling like you. If there is a society you like the sounds of I suggest you give it a go. Maybe even try out a couple and see which one/s you want to join. Outdoors societies can be good as they ofent have a variety of personalities, get you out a bit which is good for mental and general health, but also are often just social meets as you can't go on weekly trips with uni going on. Societies like film or anime are also often very socially focused so can be good if you don't think you have any particular interests.
    You could even look into creating your own society. You normally need x memebrs, which you could probably round up from fb and some sort of basic plan. If somebody had created a "meet friends so you aren't so lonely" society at my uni I would have totally joined!

    You could also just try talking to lecture buddies a bit and inviting them to lunch after lectures or chatting on fb ocasionally. Small things like that will often start to build up or at least develop your confidence a bit.

    Good luck. I can really sympathise with the struggles of lonelieness. I would just add that for me depression contributed to the lonelieness so you may find that iif you focus on improving you mental health- maybe see a doctor or therapist- you might find yourself being more open to socialising and findong it easier to become less lonely.
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    I could imagine that this feels like a pretty *****y situation to be in. You might feel that you need a bf to complete yourself, but you don't. You have to be happy with yourself first and then everything else that happens after is a bonus. You are still very young so don't worry to much about it.
    If you ever want to talk feel free to message me 😃
 
 
 
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