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    All my life my mum has bullied me into doing things I didn't want to do. She forced me into learning multiple instruments, joining multiple sports teams and orchestras, extra-tuition even though I was passing, summer camps, Saturday school, all of which happened while I was still in school. Because of her I had anxiety attacks, was falling asleep in class from no rest at home, I had no social life, I couldn't do anything other than work to please her.

    I lived away for uni the past 4 years but now I'm back with her until I find a new place, she's making my life hell again. She's telling me my boyfriend isn't good enough cause he doesn't have enough money, that me having one really good job isn't good enough for her, that I'll never go anywhere in life if I don't join this band/society/club she found online. She spam-sends me links to other jobs cause she wants me to do what she wants, not what I want. She screams at me if I don't do as she says, tells me I'm ungrateful and threatens to take away wifi, childish things like that as if I'm grounded as a 21 year old for not wanting to join another orchestra! It's insane how angry she gets at me.

    Now she's threatening to 'talk' with my boyfriend. She's going to talk to him about him having anxiety, about him not having a job right now due to his anxiety, and I'm so scared she's going to scare him away. I've answered every question she's ever asked about him, but she still shouts at me saying "I can't let you be with someone I don't know!" even though they've met multiple times and all her questions have been answered.

    How can I make her back off and stay away from my relationship? She just tries to control everything around her, she's so stressful to be around. I've told my boyfriend what she's like and I'm terrified she'll push him away.
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    try to move out
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    Tell her you're old enough to make your own decisions and if she doesn't back off you'll leave her forever and never come back.
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    Definitely move out. You're an adult and responsible for your own decisions.

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    • Community Assistant
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    As extreme as it may sound you need to find a way to move out. This is not an acceptable way to treat your children, let alone one who is clearly an adult now.

    Make it very clear that you were away at uni and everything was just fine so clearly she is wrong about what you do and do not need to do.

    Is there any way you can discuss this with your boyfriend, maybe move in with him temporarily? Or friends that can support you until you're able to support yourself? One way or another you need to move out. Especially if she is making petty threats. Normally I'd suggest you talk things through like reasonable adults but the response is usually the same (that doesn't work, X person is too psycho, etc.)

    You're old enough to make your own decisions in life. Get this person out of your life because they are clearly a negative impact. Doesn't matter one bit if they are family.
    • Very Important Poster
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    She will never back off.
    Explain to your bg to pre-empt her. Alternaively he could just aboid her.
    Become financially independent, move away amd then you can limit contact.
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    Can you speak to your boyfriend or his parents? Maybe if she met his mum and/or dad and she spoke to her and answered her questions it'd calm her down? Or at least they might have a go at her enough that she backs off, also if they know they might give you some support? I'm assuming your boyfriend still lives with his parents, they might let you move in with them while you look for a more permanent place to live.
 
 
 
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