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who else has noticed this? watch

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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    has anybody noticed a pattern with some boys - they get scared of commitment, and break up with their pretty, caring, loving, sexy but opinionated and clever girlfriend. then on the rebound, they quickly get together with an "easy option" - a girl who won't really mentally challenge them much, a girl they then talk rubbish about behind her back and mess about a bit, but stay with, just because she won't really talk back and will do whatever they like (in life, and in bed)?

    i've noticed this a lot. boys breaking up with girls because they get scared. and then using other girls, who they don't necessarily seem compatible with, to get over it.

    any opinions?
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    No, I have not noticed it. Nor can I understand the mindset that might initate it.

    Why do you say 'but opinionated and clever' as if it were a negative point?
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    I know that!
    Yay someone else understands lol
    They stay with the next girl and you have no idea why
    The mindset? I don't know but it sure is weird
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    (Original post by I_am_the_mob)
    They stay with the next girl and you have no idea why
    Maybe they fancy them but not you?
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    Urrrrrrrm. Not sure about that. I suppose it's possible some guys get a bit intimidated, blah blah...but maybe there girls just, quite simply, aren't their taste? Just because you think they're pretty and clever etc doesn't mean there arern't bad points to them.
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    Maybe they fancy them but not you?
    Probably in many cases but I've seen it happen (not to me) that a guy has been crazy aboot a girl for years then suddenly when she showed interest freaked out and said she was too good for him
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    Sounds like a minority case to me. I don't understand the 'too good for me' thing. There was a thread recently here that asked if people were intimidated and most guys weren't. But in that case I guess it's their own insecurity.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    i'm talking from the point of view of a friend who has watched a boy she knows throw away his relationship with this gorgeous, stunning girl who was funny, caring, loving, everything, because he got a bit freaked out by the intensity of it all. they had such an amazing chemistry though! after breaking up with her, he got together with another girl and none of us (his friends) can understand why he's with her - she's so boring, so so boring and bland, has nothing to say for herself at all, would never challenge him in any way at all, and we think he's with her mainly for the sex, but why throw away such a good relationship with the other girl? i'm friends with both the first girl, and the boyfriend, and i just hate seeing how depressed she's got about it all - seeing the boy she loves with a really bland, boring girl, who aint a patch on her! and none of us get it. he will talk crap behind this new girl's back as well, he really doesn't seem to respect her, and i just wonder why some boys do this. i've seen it loads of times.
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    i actually can kinda see your point
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    i'm talking from the point of view of a friend who has watched a boy she knows throw away his relationship with this gorgeous, stunning girl who was funny, caring, loving, everything, because he got a bit freaked out by the intensity of it all. they had such an amazing chemistry though! after breaking up with her, he got together with another girl and none of us (his friends) can understand why he's with her - she's so boring, so so boring and bland, has nothing to say for herself at all, would never challenge him in any way at all, and we think he's with her mainly for the sex, but why throw away such a good relationship with the other girl? i'm friends with both the first girl, and the boyfriend, and i just hate seeing how depressed she's got about it all - seeing the boy she loves with a really bland, boring girl, who aint a patch on her! and none of us get it. he will talk crap behind this new girl's back as well, he really doesn't seem to respect her, and i just wonder why some boys do this. i've seen it loads of times.
    What you need to tell her is that there really is NO reason why the other girl is better than her. She may never fully understand it but in time she will get over it (pm me if you want)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i'm talking from the point of view of a friend who has watched a boy she knows throw away his relationship with this gorgeous, stunning girl who was funny, caring, loving, everything, because he got a bit freaked out by the intensity of it all. they had such an amazing chemistry though! after breaking up with her, he got together with another girl and none of us (his friends) can understand why he's with her - she's so boring, so so boring and bland, has nothing to say for herself at all, would never challenge him in any way at all, and we think he's with her mainly for the sex, but why throw away such a good relationship with the other girl? i'm friends with both the first girl, and the boyfriend, and i just hate seeing how depressed she's got about it all - seeing the boy she loves with a really bland, boring girl, who aint a patch on her! and none of us get it. he will talk crap behind this new girl's back as well, he really doesn't seem to respect her, and i just wonder why some boys do this. i've seen it loads of times.
    Meh. You're biased though. You're friends with this girl. You don't know the new girl. She could be very nice and interesting, but shy.
    And maybe the guy doesn't respect girls in general. Maybe he's immature and doesn't care.
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    (Original post by Laces)
    Meh. You're biased though. You're friends with this girl. You don't know the new girl. She could be very nice and interesting, but shy.
    And maybe the guy doesn't respect girls in general. Maybe he's immature and doesn't care.
    i know i'm biased... but. this new girl is SO BORING. i can't even explain how boring. we went on holiday with her for a week and none of us even got to know her. she has nothing to say for herself, nothing, no preference on anything. we've all known her for half a year and it's never got past the point of "how are you?" "yeah, fine thanks... how are you?" etc. she's just SO. DULL. and on top of this, his last girlfriend (i know she's my friend but this is true - anyone would say this) is a good time girl and so pretty, so sexy, and amazingly clever and just a great girl and i hate to see this boy hurt her so much. they were great together, and he seemed to throw it all away, and then use this new girl as a rebound, and he doesn't even seem to respect her much (he says things behind her back ahout wanting to cheat on her, and worse, and so on)... it's just WEIRD.
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    Why don't you ask him? If it's so important to justify and rationalise behaviour
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    Maybe she's too shy to say much?

    xx
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    I think the main reason for attitudes such as this is simply down to the generalised differences between the mindsets of males and females.

    I'd say that in a relationship a female is more likely to try harder and stick with a it if there's any issues or problems whereas a male is more likely to give up and put less effort in, in response to problems or issues.

    Obviously these are generalisations - i'm not suggesting that all men are useless - just the majority.
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    No, but i've noticed the tendency for ex-girlfriends and their group of friends to demonise the next girl that happens to be in a relationship with the ex-boyfriend, even though she could be more attractive, have a better personality and be a better all-round girlfriend than the clingy monster (who used the term 'intense' as a euphemism) he used to be with. Not that this is the case here....oh no....absolutely not....
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    not saying i'm anything terribly amazing, but this kind of happened to me and i can, in retrospect, understand why.

    my ex bf left me for a girl who was incredibly plain, verging on the ugly, squat and dumpy, boring mousey hair, boring personality (he was in the same seminar group as her for three years and didn't even notice her - obviously didn't stand out!) not particularly bright, quite a common sort of girl, who likes drinking beer and watching footie.

    now whilst on the surface you would think that a guy would want a girl who's more attractive, more intelligent, better social standing etc (not tooting my horn here lol) actually, it was the actual fact that she was plain and common that ultimately attracted him to her. He wasn't particularly intelligent himself, so they were on a similar intellectual level, similar social standing, both liked football and beer and 'laddish' insterests etc.

    so whilst on the surface i was the 'better' choice, i wasn't actually the better choice for him because we weren't as well suited.

    if that makes any sense? i don't want that to sound like one big self-ego-massage, but i'm just saying that people aren't always suited to the 'best' choice...?

    please tell me that makes sense lol
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    (Original post by grace)
    not saying i'm anything terribly amazing, but this kind of happened to me and i can, in retrospect, understand why.

    my ex bf left me for a girl who was incredibly plain, verging on the ugly, squat and dumpy, boring mousey hair, boring personality (he was in the same seminar group as her for three years and didn't even notice her - obviously didn't stand out!) not particularly bright, quite a common sort of girl, who likes drinking beer and watching footie.

    now whilst on the surface you would think that a guy would want a girl who's more attractive, more intelligent, better social standing etc (not tooting my horn here lol) actually, it was the actual fact that she was plain and common that ultimately attracted him to her. He wasn't particularly intelligent himself, so they were on a similar intellectual level, similar social standing, both liked football and beer and 'laddish' insterests etc.

    so whilst on the surface i was the 'better' choice, i wasn't actually the better choice for him because we weren't as well suited.

    if that makes any sense? i don't want that to sound like one big self-ego-massage, but i'm just saying that people aren't always suited to the 'best' choice...?

    please tell me that makes sense lol
    Basically the third party can't choose who makes the best couple, it's up for them to decide themselves.
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    (Original post by Fluent in Lies)
    Basically the third party can't choose who makes the best couple, it's up for them to decide themselves.
    spot on
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    (Original post by 3232)
    No, but i've noticed the tendency for ex-girlfriends and their group of friends to demonise the next girl that happens to be in a relationship with the ex-boyfriend, even though she could be more attractive, have a better personality and be a better all-round girlfriend than the clingy monster (who used the term 'intense' as a euphemism) he used to be with. Not that this is the case here....oh no....absolutely not....
    I know exactly what you mean here. It's sad and happens way too often (at least with people i know) for my liking.

    And OP - Yeah, it does happen quite a bit. It's just a thing that some guys have. Obviously not everyone is gonna act this way but some will. Heck even i've done it but that's what being a teenager is all about imo, having fun and not being tied down. In my defence i'm not a total commitment-phobe but my ex's were crazy :eek:
 
 
 
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