Second chances

So i messed up with a best mate because i was too jealous/obsessive/posessive/clingy etc and it had a bad effect upon her even though she never properly spoke to me about it so i assumed things were fine as we saw eachother and spoke as normal although now she doesn't seem to want to know me anymore and keeps blowing me off and has never explained what is actually going on which i find hurtful.. i have emailed/text saying i will change and sort through my issues as i don't want to lose her but she doesn't seem bothered and doesn't really seem to want to sort the friendship.. doesn't everyone deserve second chances? especially considering she has never sat me down and spoken about how this is effecting her and i had to find out other ways (also found out she's been lying to me about alot of stuff and not intending to tell me) I've tried to be a good best mate to her over the 7 years we have been friends and have never done anything majorly wrong yet right now she clearly doesn't care about me and is treating me like crap.
Should i continue to tell her i'll change to make the friendship work or just give up? :frown:

Reply 1

dh00001

16

seems like a difficult situation. second chances are often circumstance dependant and down to the individual.
if i was you i would leave her alone for a little while, just to let her cool down.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

dh00001

seems like a difficult situation. second chances are often circumstance dependant and down to the individual.
if i was you i would leave her alone for a little while, just to let her cool down.

Thanks, just don't think she's ever going to listen to me or want to know me again :frown:

Reply 3

dh00001

16

well if youve apologised and are trying to change you have done all you can. balls in her court now

Reply 4

--

3

Oh dear god, i think the fact you've started several threads on this subject is evidence enough of your over-possessive clingyness. You have got to give the girl some breathing space, stop emailing her, stop pestering her and for god's sake, think of or do something else to take your mind off it. She obviously did not like the possessiveness and the neediness, i doubt she's going to take kindly to being pestered with promises that 'you'll change', it's evidence that your friendship would most likely be exactly the same way it was before. Pestering someone who doesn't like being pestered is not evidence of 'change'. Sorry to be harsh, but you don't seem to have got her message. Give her space, real space, at least a few weeks, then reassess the situation (and that doesn't mean bombard her with more emails).

Reply 5

hannah_dru

2

You shouldn't have emailed her and said that you'd change. She has to contribute too. You can't do all of the work.

Reply 6

yellow96

15

3232

Oh dear god, i think the fact you've started several threads on this subject is evidence enough of your over-possessive clingyness. You have got to give the girl some breathing space, stop emailing her, stop pestering her and for god's sake, think of or do something else to take your mind off it. She obviously did not like the possessiveness and the neediness, i doubt she's going to take kindly to being pestered with promises that 'you'll change', it's evidence that your friendship would most likely be exactly the same way it was before. Pestering someone who doesn't like being pestered is not evidence of 'change'. Sorry to be harsh, but you don't seem to have got her message. Give her space, real space, at least a few weeks, then reassess the situation (and that doesn't mean bombard her with more emails).

That ^. Also, if she hated your continual presence enough to not want to see you anymore, it's unlikely that the prospect of spending time with you again will outweigh the prospect of.. well, not. Find a new best friend.

Reply 7

khil

15

And there I thought this was the old thread. Really, my dear, this shows that you really are an obsessive kinda person. Give the girl a few weeks' space, then maybe send her one text, or one email - not both - and maybe say,

"I really would like to be friends again, and I'll learn to change and give you space. If you're willing to give me another chance, contact me. Otherwise, you won't hear from me again. I'm sorry for everything."

^and STICK to that promise of "not contacting her again" if she doesn't respond. Then she'll know whether you've really changed. And if she still doesn't wanna be friends with you, isn't it time to move on? You've learnt your lesson.

Being obsessive with anyone will scare them away. I know I became obsessive with one of my good friends as a teenager - I'd get her elaborate presents for Christmas and her birthday, I'd keep any photos I had of her, and I'd constantly want her attention. Lol I mean, she almost literally got her very own stalker! But I knew it and as far as I'm aware, I didn't show it and she had no idea. I'd get jealous whenever she was hanging out with someone else and it felt like she wasn't my friend or didn't wanna be my friend. In the end I had to curb my own obsession and after a while, it died down, and I've not been obsessed with a friend like that ever again. We're still close friends to this day and she still has no idea I used to be obsessed with her, though I'm not anymore.

^I mean, if you're anything like me AND you showed it, I can understand why your friend wants to avoid you, cus on hindsight, such behaviour is stalkerish and truly frightening. I was young though lol.

Reply 8

Mangaroo

12

**** her

Second chances

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