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Boyfriend is suffering from mental health issues and only I know about it... watch

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    Sorry this will be long but...
    My boyfriend is mentally ill. I don't know the details about what is actually wrong as he still needs to see someone about this, but to me it feels really serious. He has asked me if we could have 'a break' as he doesn't like the pressure of having to act a certain way in a relationship which I completely understand and support, but we are still speaking to each other everyday.

    He trusts me enough to tell me about his problems which I really appreciate, but I'm so worried how he hasn't told anyone else. He is living in at Uni (so I don't live near him) so it seems to me like he is completely alone. He assures me he will get help but I could never know if he actually will or not. I have offered to call doctors for him and go with him but he just says that he wants to deal with it.

    I really want him to tell a member of his family about what he's going through. I have met all of his family and they are all completely lovely people, but he says they 'won't understand'. The problem is, as I'm the only person he has told, I feel a sort of pressure, like I don't really know what to do to help or if I'm being irresponsible by not telling people. I feel like his family would be much better at actively encouraging him to get help. As well as that, I (selfishly) feel really alone. He has broken off our relationship and all I want is to be able to talk to someone about him that loves him as much as I do, maybe his mum. But he hasn't told them so I can't do that.

    I'm panicking so much about it that I've almost considered stalking his friends on facebook that live near him in his halls (who I have met and like very much) to ask them to keep an eye on him, but then that would completely betray his trust as he chose to tell me.

    I'm not exactly sure what I'm asking here, I suppose I was just wondering if anyone has been through the same thing? Would you say that family support is really important? And what should I do about the fact that I'm scared he is isolating himself? I wish someone that lived near him knew just so they could look out for him.
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    (Original post by kaylie231)
    Sorry this will be long but...
    My boyfriend is mentally ill. I don't know the details about what is actually wrong as he still needs to see someone about this, but to me it feels really serious. He has asked me if we could have 'a break' as he doesn't like the pressure of having to act a certain way in a relationship which I completely understand and support, but we are still speaking to each other everyday.

    He trusts me enough to tell me about his problems which I really appreciate, but I'm so worried how he hasn't told anyone else. He is living in at Uni (so I don't live near him) so it seems to me like he is completely alone. He assures me he will get help but I could never know if he actually will or not. I have offered to call doctors for him and go with him but he just says that he wants to deal with it.

    I really want him to tell a member of his family about what he's going through. I have met all of his family and they are all completely lovely people, but he says they 'won't understand'. The problem is, as I'm the only person he has told, I feel a sort of pressure, like I don't really know what to do to help or if I'm being irresponsible by not telling people. I feel like his family would be much better at actively encouraging him to get help. As well as that, I (selfishly) feel really alone. He has broken off our relationship and all I want is to be able to talk to someone about him that loves him as much as I do, maybe his mum. But he hasn't told them so I can't do that.

    I'm panicking so much about it that I've almost considered stalking his friends on facebook that live near him in his halls (who I have met and like very much) to ask them to keep an eye on him, but then that would completely betray his trust as he chose to tell me.

    I'm not exactly sure what I'm asking here, I suppose I was just wondering if anyone has been through the same thing? Would you say that family support is really important? And what should I do about the fact that I'm scared he is isolating himself? I wish someone that lived near him knew just so they could look out for him.
    Hey there. I totally understand why you would be feeling concerned, under pressuer and alone right now. It can be scary dealing with somebody who had mh issues, especially if nobody else knows.

    I know there is a big urge to care for him and make sure other people know so he can be safe and looked after, but you need to be careful not to upset him. Obviously there comes a time when trust becomes less importan than ensuring his safety, so if you are concerned that he might be in danger you can tell somebody (family, friends, uni, 111 or 999), but if he is not at that point try to encourage him to seek help rather than going behind his back.
    If you push him too much you can risk damaging your relationship or making him feel pressured, so try to just be there for him and gently suggest options. If it would help you can offer to go see a doctor with him.

    There are a lot of people he can go to, but his doctor would be the best as they are the gateway to diagnosis and treatments. He can also talk to his unis student support, anybody he trusts, 111, a counselor or samaritans. He (and you) can also check out mind.org and sane.org for info and advice.

    Please don't feel bad for having your own issues with this and don't feel guilty about not being able to do much. Just be there for him and keep an eye to make sure he is okay and be sure to care fore yourself too.
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    (Original post by kaylie231)
    Sorry this will be long but...
    My boyfriend is mentally ill. I don't know the details about what is actually wrong as he still needs to see someone about this, but to me it feels really serious. He has asked me if we could have 'a break' as he doesn't like the pressure of having to act a certain way in a relationship which I completely understand and support, but we are still speaking to each other everyday.

    He trusts me enough to tell me about his problems which I really appreciate, but I'm so worried how he hasn't told anyone else. He is living in at Uni (so I don't live near him) so it seems to me like he is completely alone. He assures me he will get help but I could never know if he actually will or not. I have offered to call doctors for him and go with him but he just says that he wants to deal with it.

    I really want him to tell a member of his family about what he's going through. I have met all of his family and they are all completely lovely people, but he says they 'won't understand'. The problem is, as I'm the only person he has told, I feel a sort of pressure, like I don't really know what to do to help or if I'm being irresponsible by not telling people. I feel like his family would be much better at actively encouraging him to get help. As well as that, I (selfishly) feel really alone. He has broken off our relationship and all I want is to be able to talk to someone about him that loves him as much as I do, maybe his mum. But he hasn't told them so I can't do that.

    I'm panicking so much about it that I've almost considered stalking his friends on facebook that live near him in his halls (who I have met and like very much) to ask them to keep an eye on him, but then that would completely betray his trust as he chose to tell me.

    I'm not exactly sure what I'm asking here, I suppose I was just wondering if anyone has been through the same thing? Would you say that family support is really important? And what should I do about the fact that I'm scared he is isolating himself? I wish someone that lived near him knew just so they could look out for him.
    Thank you for this, it really helps me put everything in to perspective. I have offered to call up doctors and go with him but he doesn't want me to, plus I don't think he even wants to see me. I haven't seen him for nearly a month now as he wanted space but it's only recently he actually asked for the break. I'm so confused right now.
 
 
 
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