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I like a guy (non muslim) and I am... but I'm just not sure.. help please watch

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    First of, I would like to say I am a firm believer in God. I am not that precasting as in I do not pray regularly 5 times a day, nor do I wear a headscarf but I do dress somewhat modest (not showing skin), I do fast, I don't drink/club, never had a serious relationship before. The guy I like doesn't really believe in a God

    So in August of this year I started talking to this guy (I actually started talking talking to him before this month but here and there not continuous). August went to September, and our relationship as friends went to flirting with each other. He's 4 years older than I am. So in September I started realising I was getting feelings for him, so I stopped speaking to him (may get complicated now whilst reading), then 4 days later he messaged me so I knew he was kinda thinking about me and that our convos meant something to him. We continued talking, and again (i know I'm complicated) I stopped talking to him. This happened two times and both times, I went back to him like 1-2 days after apologising and saying it was personal reasons. Then, in October we stopped talking and 2 weeks later, he messaged me (mid october) and during the time we weren't talking I had a few dreams about him o.o
    i knew I really liked him so I didnt wanna continue talking for him, and fall for him further but when he messaged me I was surprised because usually it is ME who texts him first daily he's only ever done that 3/4 times! So then we started talking again and things died down and we stopped. Then, I told my friends about him and they told me to tell him my feelings. I was waiting until he would text me for this to happen but it just didnt so eventually, about 10 days later (this was last week) I messaged him and confessed that I had feelings for him, and he said he too does have feelings for me. He wants to meet me asap like this week but I feel it's WAY too soon! and I told him numerous of times I wouldn't wanna do anything, even kissing :/ so he said he could try live w that (no touching/kissing) but he said 'if it happens, it happens' and that makes me think he will try something and just say we can't help that it happened. My religion plays a big factor for this but also I just don't know why he's so eager to see me SO soon! Like we only just confessed to each other we liked each other, shouldn't we have time to build up, now we took that step? He's talked about kissing a lot :/ Though, my friends think its sweet that he wants to see me and is willing to travel a long way for it.
    He is there for me though emotionally but today he said something which made me second guess everything he said I lead a boring lifestyle and started taking digs at me but later after winding me up loads said he was messing around etc. which I know he does often but I just feel we do lead different lifestyles and he even said if we can't have sex or anything then he doesn't wanna hurt me and cheat on me..

    The story goes on and on, but yeah this is all I'm gonna write for now. I really do like him, he's closed off most of the time which I think will be a challenge if Im with him and he's stubborn! :/ but, he does care for me.
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    Basically if he respects your beliefs then he's a keeper. If not then you either change for him or realise he's not the one .

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    Sounds like you want the Harami non-Islami Salami, you should go for it
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    I was somewhat in a similar position this year as well. Let me tell you one thing, men are jerks.

    This is so biased but whatever.

    Give it some time, I'm sure he's not gonna try touch you or anything (men are stupid but not that stupid). Hang out with him, see what he's like (no, not as your boyfriend). Religion shouldn't be a problem here for now because you guys haven't spoken for too long. Plus no one cares unless if he starts getting whiny and wants to debate religion every day like some guys. In that case, just walk away, he will get the message.

    Sometimes people you text are totally different until you meet them face to face; he might be more boring than you, people have different taste but don't just toss him away with no explanation or ignore him for no reason(unless, like I said, the religious debates start happening). Also, he doesn't sound like a bad guy but hey, what do I know?
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    Come on lmao, it's haraam to have a bf or gf in Islam anyway, you can't pick and choose sins you want to and don't want to commit
    God can't play such a big part in your life if this is happening can he :rofl:
    Either way, I really doubt he'd try something or anything if you've made it clear, but the "I might cheat" am guessing he probably expects you to not be uptight soon
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    You should move away from this. It's just going to lead to zina and it does seem that he wants try something with you as he's already made excuses for it "if it happens, it happens". As Muslim women can't marry non-Muslim men, it's not something that can ever become halal if he doesn't convert.

    At the end of the day it's going to come down to whether you prioritize Allah over him or vice versa.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He is there for me though emotionally but today he said something which made me second guess everything he said I lead a boring lifestyle and started taking digs at me but later after winding me up loads said he was messing around etc. which I know he does often but I just feel we do lead different lifestyles and he even said if we can't have sex or anything then he doesn't wanna hurt me and cheat on me..

    The story goes on and on, but yeah this is all I'm gonna write for now. I really do like him, he's closed off most of the time which I think will be a challenge if Im with him and he's stubborn! :/ but, he does care for me.
    the fact that he said those things hints that there's some truth to it. You said you don't wanna kiss him but he's saying ''if it happens it happens'' that means his gonna take advantage of the fact that you're in his comfort zone, and eventually he will try and kiss you. And once you become emotionally attached to him (slowly) he will try and convince you to have sex with him.
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    (Original post by Angry Bird)
    the fact that he said those things hints that there's some truth to it. You said you don't wanna kiss him but he's saying ''if it happens it happens'' that means his gonna take advantage of the fact that you're in his comfort zone, and eventually he will try and kiss you. And once you become emotionally attached to him (slowly) he will try and convince you to have sex with him.
    You're completely right. Thank you for your advice.
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    (Original post by IdeasForLife)
    You should move away from this. It's just going to lead to zina and it does seem that he wants try something with you as he's already made excuses for it "if it happens, it happens". As Muslim women can't marry non-Muslim men, it's not something that can ever become halal if he doesn't convert.

    At the end of the day it's going to come down to whether you prioritize Allah over him or vice versa.
    Thanks for your reply, Yeah I understand. I think I know what to do. thanks.
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    As Muslims our life's purpose is to get closer to God; I can assure you that you would be closing off any future possibility of becoming closer to God and taking your religion more seriously in later life - most people say 'when I am older/when I get married, I will become more religious', but I have hardly ever heard of a woman firmly holding onto her Islam once she got with a non-Muslim. From what I have seen in my experience, is that their faith either drops even more or they eventually leave the religion altoghether.

    Do not listen to anyone who says "give him a chance" or "love knows no religion", because when you die, these people aren't going to take the flak for you when you are held accountable for being with a non-Muslim. Even if you married him, your marriage would be invalid (in Islam), and therefore you would still be having sex outside of marriage when you do get intimate with him.

    The real question is: are you willing to sell your faith and soul for a guy you talk to online?

    Let's look at the pro's and cons:

    Pros:
    - Get to meet a guy you like
    - You might love him

    Cons:
    - Sinful meeting him and ending up in a haram relationship
    - End up doing sinful acts together which will slowly get worse as time goes on - first hold hands, then kissing, then...
    - Your faith will descrease
    - You will reduce the likelihood of you ever becoming more religious massively
    - If you marry him, your marriage will be invalid and be like a sin magnet
    - Your family will hate it and you could be disowned
    - Your kids will likely struggle to even care about Islam since they'd have two irreligiius parents by that point

    ... and the list goes on...

    My sincere advice is to not listen to what you want to hear maybe (like people agreeing with you meeting him), and instead grabbing a hold of yourself, working against your feelings and aiming for better - whatever you sacrifice for God, He will replace with something better.
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    (Original post by Zamestaneh)
    As Muslims our life's purpose is to get closer to God; I can assure you that you would be closing off any future possibility of becoming closer to God and taking your religion more seriously in later life - most people say 'when I am older/when I get married, I will become more religious', but I have hardly ever heard of a woman firmly holding onto her Islam once she got with a non-Muslim. From what I have seen in my experience, is that their faith either drops even more or they eventually leave the religion altoghether.

    Do not listen to anyone who says "give him a chance" or "love knows no religion", because when you die, these people aren't going to take the flak for you when you are held accountable for being with a non-Muslim. Even if you married him, your marriage would be invalid (in Islam), and therefore you would still be having sex outside of marriage when you do get intimate with him.

    The real question is: are you willing to sell your faith and soul for a guy you talk to online?

    Let's look at the pro's and cons:

    Pros:
    - Get to meet a guy you like
    - You might love him

    Cons:
    - Sinful meeting him and ending up in a haram relationship
    - End up doing sinful acts together which will slowly get worse as time goes on - first hold hands, then kissing, then...
    - Your faith will descrease
    - You will reduce the likelihood of you ever becoming more religious massively
    - If you marry him, your marriage will be invalid and be like a sin magnet
    - Your family will hate it and you could be disowned
    - Your kids will likely struggle to even care about Islam since they'd have two irreligiius parents by that point

    ... and the list goes on...

    My sincere advice is to not listen to what you want to hear maybe (like people agreeing with you meeting him), and instead grabbing a hold of yourself, working against your feelings and aiming for better - whatever you sacrifice for God, He will replace with something better.

    Yeah, I agree. Thanks. I needed someone to say it straight up to me.
    I guess I have to let this go.. God's plans are greater than mine..
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for your reply, Yeah I understand. I think I know what to do. thanks.
    No problem. May Allah bless you.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You're completely right. Thank you for your advice.
    you're welcome
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    Babes listen here. He will have a relationship with you, sleep with you and everything but he will NOT marry you. Your relationship will come to an end for whatever reason and he'll be onto the next girl, it's their lifestyle. On the other hand, you will be left broken and with no Islam left in you. This is how all young guys nowadays are, theyre not looking for anything serious. You are worth so much more.
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    (Original post by Noura*)
    Babes listen here. He will have a relationship with you, sleep with you and everything but he will NOT marry you. Your relationship will come to an end for whatever reason and he'll be onto the next girl, it's their lifestyle. On the other hand, you will be left broken and with no Islam left in you. This is how all young guys nowadays are, theyre not looking for anything serious. You are worth so much more.
    Thanks for the heads up.
    Ive literally blocked him off everything and did explain to him my reasons for doing so. But moving on.. focusing on what I need to focus on for now. :/ Its hard but ik worth it in the long run.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for the heads up.
    Ive literally blocked him off everything and did explain to him my reasons for doing so. But moving on.. focusing on what I need to focus on for now. :/ Its hard but ik worth it in the long run.
    This is the greatest jihad (struggle) you are going through right now, just watch your life transform when you place Allah before anything. Keep going, better things are coming!
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    (Original post by ~scorpio~)
    This is the greatest jihad (struggle) you are going through right now, just watch your life transform when you place Allah before anything. Keep going, better things are coming!
    aw thank you so much amazing thing to wake up to.
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    (Original post by Zamestaneh)
    As Muslims our life's purpose is to get closer to God; I can assure you that you would be closing off any future possibility of becoming closer to God and taking your religion more seriously in later life - most people say 'when I am older/when I get married, I will become more religious', but I have hardly ever heard of a woman firmly holding onto her Islam once she got with a non-Muslim. From what I have seen in my experience, is that their faith either drops even more or they eventually leave the religion altoghether.

    Do not listen to anyone who says "give him a chance" or "love knows no religion", because when you die, these people aren't going to take the flak for you when you are held accountable for being with a non-Muslim. Even if you married him, your marriage would be invalid (in Islam), and therefore you would still be having sex outside of marriage when you do get intimate with him.

    The real question is: are you willing to sell your faith and soul for a guy you talk to online?

    Let's look at the pro's and cons:

    Pros:
    - Get to meet a guy you like
    - You might love him

    Cons:
    - Sinful meeting him and ending up in a haram relationship
    - End up doing sinful acts together which will slowly get worse as time goes on - first hold hands, then kissing, then...
    - Your faith will descrease
    - You will reduce the likelihood of you ever becoming more religious massively
    - If you marry him, your marriage will be invalid and be like a sin magnet
    - Your family will hate it and you could be disowned
    - Your kids will likely struggle to even care about Islam since they'd have two irreligiius parents by that point

    ... and the list goes on...

    My sincere advice is to not listen to what you want to hear maybe (like people agreeing with you meeting him), and instead grabbing a hold of yourself, working against your feelings and aiming for better - whatever you sacrifice for God, He will replace with something better.
    PRSOM. This. May Allah reward you abundantly. Ameen.

    (Original post by IdeasForLife)
    No problem. May Allah bless you.
    Ameen.
 
 
 
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