Living with a potential girlfriend at uni - advice please!!

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humblekingdom
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So I was with my previous girlfriend for 2 years. We broke up about a month ago and part of the reason for that was because I had feelings for another friend, I didn't cheat, I just ended the relationship because I thought it was unfair on my (ex) girlfriend. This friend, Abi, also had feelings for me and we'd been friends the whole year of first year. Before all of this surfaced we'd arranged to live in a house with four of our friends. I'm in that house now with Abi and things are okay - it's intense and very stressful at times because we argue occasionally but other times its really fun and I'm so happy to be living with her. It looks like things between me and Abi will develop into a relationship eventually and one housemate in particular has expressed her discomfort with this. Basically, my problem is that next year we can't stay in the same house and so I'm wondering if it's a good idea to live with Abi and my other friends because of the intensity of living with a girlfriend and all the stresses that come with that. However, I feel if I don't live with them I will be left out of my group of friends (my current housemates) and could be quite isolated. Should I live with her and risk being in a very stressful living situation, on the chance that it could be great or should I live with others and be free from the situation but lonely?
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Anonymous #1
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Personally dont see the point living with your partner at uni unless you are in a very serious long term relationship. Theres less risk to living with your friends and it will probably keep the excitement in your relationship with abi if you see esch other constantly and your friends will probably like her more if she just stays over sometimes instesd of actually living there
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Anonymous #1
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if you dont see each other constantly*
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guilbert
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You seem a bit vague about where things stand between you and Abi - I'm guessing it's "more than friends but not in a relationship"? I think your priority is to sort that out.

To answer your question, the trouble is that quite a lot might happen between now and when you move into the accommodation next year. Some possible scenarios are:

- You start a relationship now which lasts until next year
- You start a relationship now but in six months develop a mutual attraction with someone else; relationship with Abi is over, Abi not happy.
- You start a relationship now but in six months Abi develops a mutual attraction with someone else; relationship with Abi is over, you not happy.
- You ask Abi out, she says no, you not happy.

You've gone past the point of being just friends now and in most of the scenarios above living together is likely to be awkward so I think you need to give some serious though to living elsewhere. If things do work out with Abi you could still visit lots but at least you'll both have a bit of space if things don't work out.
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