My dad..

Okay, i have a weird relationship with my dad. :s:

For many years, i was in a happy & loving family. But when i was 10-years-old, my parents split up, and everything changed. I was lead to believe (by my dad) that my mum had had an affair with her current partner. Which turned out to be completely untrue, as she had only phoned him once while my parents were still together. :s:

Anyway, basically, my dad still believes that my mum betrayed him, and still loves her, which cases a lot of problems between me & him.

When my mum told him that she wanted to split from him, he went completely psycho, and smashed a couple of windows, which was VERY unlike him. And me & my mum ended up leaving the house for a week, and i was scared stiff for a longg time (i was only 10 remember). Anyway, since then he always brings up the past.

I see my dad every couple of days, but am forced to stay at his house once a week. This day is his only day off, so he likes to have a few beers. But because of what has happened in the past with his drinking, i really hate him doing it. I am not worried for my own safety or anything, it's just that he brings up subjects that i am uncomfortable talking about, like my mums new relationship.

3 weeks ago, i had a MAJOR argument with him, because he said to me "It's your fault i didn't get remarried anyway, so you've got nothing to complain about!" :bawling:

This really upset me, and i ended up leaving for the night, and being very upset on the phone to my mum and friends for hours (which is weird, because i very rarely cry.) The week after that, he got completely drunk, and was acting like an idiot at home. :s:

And yesterday, he was drinking again. :frown:

I don't understand it, he knows how much it affects me when he drinks and says stuff (i was depressed for a few years). I have tried explaining to him how i feel, but he just completely rejects what i say. :frown:

I am completely stuck about what to do. :s:

It is coming to the point where i don't actually have to sleep at his house if i don't want to, because of my age. This part of me is very fragile, and i don't like him bringing up my mum & her new partner constantly. He even tries to talk about their sex life! :eek:

(which he obviously knows nothing about).

I have tried talking to my mum about it, but she knows that she can't really mention it to him, because it just wouldn't make any difference. :s:

I think i need another adult to talk to, but i don't know who to ask! :frown:

I don't really know why i'm posting, i think i just need to get it out!

Thanks anyone who has read this far. :smile:

Reply 1

Mangaroo

12

id think explaining to your dad that your not comfortable talking about it, then saying i wont be coming back until you have moved on...(obviously in a more considerate way) obviously he shouldnt be having those sorts of conversations with you, it sounds like hes the one who needs more help..maybe get him to go to the gp with you or something? the gp might be able to recommend a counselor to help him move on with his life

Reply 2

WokSz

17

I would talk to him about it as he's your dad. If he doesn't understand, then maybe you should stop going so much so that he realises that what he's doing is wrong.

Reply 3

Vampyrcorn

14

It sounds like your dad is having a really hard time at the moment. Maybe he needs some sort of councelling or something. :/ Hopefully with time he'll feel better but in the meantime maybe you should leave the room or change the subject or just bluntly say "I dont' know" when he asks you awkward questions about your mum's sex life. Oh, and remind him that it's not too late for him to get remarried. it's not fair of him to blame it on you.

Reply 4

jumpinglunch

13

Has you dad got any brothers or sisters that you could talk to,and possibly they could speak to him.

Reply 5

becky.fm

OP

18

tesh^^

Has you dad got any brothers or sisters that you could talk to,and possibly they could speak to him.

No, i'm an only child.

Thanks for everyones advice so far. :smile:

Reply 6

Mangaroo

12

no i think he meant any siblings of his own - ur uncle/aunt from your dads side

Reply 7

becky.fm

OP

18

Mangaroo

no i think he meant any siblings of his own - ur uncle/aunt from your dads side

Oh right, sorry. :redface:

No, he doesn't have anyone else. They all live in Oz. Which makes it all the worse for me, because he always talks about how i am his only real family left, and at least if he was still married to my mum "he might have some more people to be with when i go to uni" :frown:

I think he feels lonely though, because in two years my mum (and my gran) are moving hundreds of miles away to live with her boyfriend (she can't go now, because i am still in college etc, and it wouldn't be practical to move now anyway). So my dad thinks that he's going to have no-one... :frown:

But he just pushes me away all the time, and i am completely stuck about what to do!

Reply 8

Mangaroo

12

i think what myself and subsequently j-curve said, would be a good idea, something i would do in that situation - i know hes ur dad and u feel bad for him, but he still has u he just has to learn the rules of conducts and its limits..

Reply 9

Ang|ophi|e

12

When your dad is sober, you need to sit him down and explain to him how you feel. See his reactions. If you don't want to talk to him in person about it, then write a long letter. He sounds like he is depressed. He should go get help. It's obvious that he is still not over your mom and he probabaly sees her in you. Don't worry nothing is your fault. :hugs:

If his reactions to what you have to say isn't what you want, then tell him if he doesn't fix his attitude you won't be in his life anymore. Perhaps then he will get the reality check.

Reply 10

becky.fm

OP

18

Thanks for the replies everyone. :smile:

I was talking to my mum about it all today, and completely broke down, but i've come to the decision that i am going to talk to him next time i see him. My mum told me today that she once had to send my dad to AA (otherwise the marriage would have ended much earlier) and i personally feel that it is becoming that type of problem again. :frown:

Thanks!

My dad..

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