girls like me, but want to be friends first- i cant deal with it

erm sorry but i dont believe people when they say they dont want to get attached - Because they will end up getting hurt.
It just means they want a temp shag with no strings and this makes it seem like a less slutty/hurtful way of letting the other person know.

Reply 2

OP

Mangaroo

erm sorry but i dont believe people when they say they dont want to get attached - Because they will end up getting hurt.
It just means they want a temp shag with no strings and this makes it seem like a less slutty/hurtful way of letting the other person know.

she's 18, hasnt been with a guy since january because her ex whom she was with for 2.5 years cheated on her and she practically felt depressed. so she said before we jumped into anything she wants to get to know me more first, friends initially.........

i asked was this because she jumped into it with her ex too soon and she said yes

Reply 3

thats different, i think the best thing is getting to know someone through friendship first, understandably its hard when you really like someone, but i personally wouldnt do anything about it - i mean what could you do, other then put pressure on her to trust u...its sort of impossible, i guess it just takes time.

i thought u meant, people u sleep with who then say that to u (sorrY)

Reply 4

ßlαcksωαn

17

Can't you just go slow for once

Reply 5

OP

Mangaroo

thats different, i think the best thing is getting to know someone through friendship first, understandably its hard when you really like someone, but i personally wouldnt do anything about it - i mean what could you do, other then put pressure on her to trust u...its sort of impossible, i guess it just takes time.

i thought u meant, people u sleep with who then say that to u (sorrY)

nah sorry.

i knew this girl from work, we met up last week and exchanged numbers. im living away at the mo. she's been texting me absolutely tonnes. she REALLY liked me. we met up y'day and she said she wants to take things slow cos its all gone so quickly- i thought this was just a rejection, but looking back im pretty sure she was being truthful.

towards the end of the day i acted really immature, dropped the hint i would rather have nothing that friends and now i regret it. i wish i could just go along with the flow cos i know if we did become close friends we'd end up together anyway- its just the journey to it i find hard.

she didnt have much credit y'day and i txt her asking could we start again fresh- im really sorry etc etc. she didnt reply back but i wasnt sure if it was because she had no credit literally.

do you think a sensible phonecall apologising would be ideal?

Reply 6

yeah i think it would be a good idea, to be honest, if she takes to you that much already, i dont think it would be long before it kicked off...but that was..quite a hurtful and rude thing you said..so im not sure what to expect, but definitely an apology is due

Reply 7

OP

Mangaroo

yeah i think it would be a good idea, to be honest, if she takes to you that much already, i dont think it would be long before it kicked off...but that was..quite a hurtful and rude thing you said..so im not sure what to expect, but definitely an apology is due

i said it because:

i would rather her to not know me, than to know somebody who would be pretending to be happy with friends and ultimately acting...........

im just worried shes only going to picture me as this immature, sulking sod and not who i really am......simply because of the last part of y'day

phonecall this evening or wait for her? the only reason i dont wanna wait for her is cos i feel i have to prove to her im mature enough to do

Reply 8

nah i have never ever ever waited and i couldnt care less about the whole desperado thing, because in the end, its going to be occupying ur mind and id just get it out of the way, just be done to earth and honest about feelings intentions at the same time saying i know that what i said to you was this that and the other, and im sorry.

Reply 9

Unregistered

Tut, young people today. So easily affected by relationships. She's 18 and had a boyfriend for 2.5 years.. since she was about 15?

She's so bloody young, if you ask me she's just insecure and the collapse of this 'childhood relationship' was the final nail in her coffin.

Find yourself some normal girls who don't cry about every little thing, jeez.

Reply 10

OP

Mangaroo

nah i have never ever ever waited and i couldnt care less about the whole desperado thing, because in the end, its going to be occupying ur mind and id just get it out of the way, just be done to earth and honest about feelings intentions at the same time saying i know that what i said to you was this that and the other, and im sorry.

yeh i was gonna say this:

im really soryr for acting immature y'day and like a spolit brat. believe it or not its because i care about you more than you think but i do respect what you feel at the moment.

i do actually like the idea of us being really close friends. it makes more sense because we would know more about eachother and we'd have more trust in eachother. it'd probably give us more chance of staying together than if we did it at 100mph like we have. out of all the girls in the world, eventually being together with one you could class as your best mate, as well as your gf would be perfect

sound ok, any additions? lol

Reply 11

OP

Timeslikethese

Tut, young people today. So easily affected by relationships. She's 18 and had a boyfriend for 2.5 years.. since she was about 15?

She's so bloody young, if you ask me she's just insecure and the collapse of this 'childhood relationship' was the final nail in her coffin.

Find yourself some normal girls who don't cry about every little thing, jeez.

no i can see what you're thinking but she isnt the cry- type. she said about the friends thing then i asked her if her ex cheated on her, how long was she with him, how bad did it mess her up? then i said "so basically you dont want me to turn out like him?" and she said "yes, thats exactly why ive said what i did".

Reply 12

Unregistered

Anonymous

no i can see what you're thinking but she isnt the cry- type. she said about the friends thing then i asked her if her ex cheated on her, how long was she with him, how bad did it mess her up? then i said "so basically you dont want me to turn out like him?" and she said "yes, thats exactly why ive said what i did".

**** sake, she's 18 and carrying such emotional baggage around? Tut, she sounds like a loon.

It's just a failed relationship, worse things have happened. Don't pander to her silly behaviour.

Reply 13

Timeslikethese

**** sake, she's 18 and carrying such emotional baggage around? Tut, she sounds like a loon.

It's just a failed relationship, worse things have happened. Don't pander to her silly behaviour.

ignore this.

Reply 14

OP

Timeslikethese

**** sake, she's 18 and carrying such emotional baggage around? Tut, she sounds like a loon.

It's just a failed relationship, worse things have happened. Don't pander to her silly behaviour.

all she's said is that she rushed into it with her ex- so she doesnt wanna rush into it and wants to get to know me??

mangaroo- what would you do with the getting in contact with her, side of things?

i dont wanna screw it up by pestering, but i feel i need to show im mature enough and am fine with the friends idea

Reply 15

Unregistered

Mangaroo

ignore this.

No, i'm sick of silly beggars pandering to such silliness. She's had a bad relationship, join the club!!! Who the hell hasn't?

It's all about how you face problems and deal with them that make you who you are, and this girl chose to fall flat on her arse at the first hurdle. What the hell is she going to do when faced with a real problem?

Fact is, the OP is picking this kind of girl time and time again. Why??

Reply 16

username47781

20

Timeslikethese

No, i'm sick of silly beggars pandering to such silliness. She's had a bad relationship, join the club!!! Who the hell hasn't?

It's all about how you face problems and deal with them that make you who you are, and this girl chose to fall flat on her arse at the first hurdle. What the hell is she going to do when faced with a real problem?

Fact is, the OP is picking this kind of girl time and time again. Why??

Exactly, she sounds like she isn't mature enough to have a relationship.

Reply 17

Anonymous

all she's said is that she rushed into it with her ex- so she doesnt wanna rush into it and wants to get to know me??

mangaroo- what would you do with the getting in contact with her, side of things?

i dont wanna screw it up by pestering, but i feel i need to show im mature enough and am fine with the friends idea

Like i said, id plan out what i would say if you arent too good at saying things on the spot. It depends on how you feel about what you said, i know you think you have good reason to say that, but imagine someone else saying that to you in the circumstances (you obviously liking them) - ud just think, especially as a girl, they were just after one thing and are obviously not the person i thought they were.....

with that in mind its going to be sort of tough to turn things around imo, but if u really like her and you think shes worth it, say u understand how she must have felt when you said that, and that wasnt the reason you said it, and in fact you wish u hadnt said it, being friends first wouldnt be such a terrible thing at all....im sorry, and if you'll still have me, id love to take things slow with you.

something like that i guess, but im still a bit murky on why u said it (i read what u said, i just dont think its such a good excuse so i wouldnt go about trying to justify it so much) is what i would personally say, but it depends on the girl and the circumstance

Reply 18