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    So,I go to this group called explorers which is an older version of scouts and when I first joined I instantly found this boy,even though others find him un attractive, absolutely amazing. So I wanted to get to know him more which I did and as a joke we used to take the piss out of each other in a flirtatious way and one day he messaged me on facebook,I mean he must have purposely found my name as we weren't even friends on facebook,and since that day we would message none stop. As time developed we grew closer in person and online and this was fantastic. We went into town and watched the BFG in the cinema and I had my first proper kiss with him! We were so close to going out until we had to go on explorer summer camp. This would take forever to explain,but he said I acted differently and that he wanted nothing to do with me,so he stopped talking to me and acted like the past 2 months together was nothing.This really hurt me and he was my first true love. My friends told me the usual of "oh he's an idiot,he didn't deserve you,move on" but it's soooo hard to just move on like that,it's taken me 3 months to move on,but an ounce of me misses him dearly.But I do feel like I haven't been completely honest with him as I have really bad anxiety problems along with trust and had depression for a while and I found even when me and him were close,to talk about it with anyone as those were some really dark times I went through and had therapy for 2 months,which was during the time we were talking,which is why when he hurt me it felt like the "black shadow" (what I call my anxiety) was coming back,so for him he didn't see that it was more than he upset me,it's the fact that he was the first person I started to trust and open up to after my therapy had finished,so I'm now back to square one of hating and putting a "barrier" up in front of me towards anyone. I want him back even though I keep telling myself he'll never have me back,but to maybe sit him down and tell him the full truth about myself.The worst thing he does is send me snapchats of other girls but even though it hurts I pretend that I don't care. To anyone who has this similar pain or story... SMILEEEEE and try really really hard to forget about it,because believe me it's sooo worth it at the end of all the crap!! Xxxxxx

    Paragraphs. PLEASE.
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