Turn on thread page Beta

Never been in a relationship before watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter

    I'm a 21 (almost 22) guy with high functioning autism who's never been in relationship before or did anything intimate. I've not been in eduction for over 2 years and I never had a job before. I'm currently living on Employment & Support Allowance but hopefully one day I'll get off it for good.

    Is it normal for a 21 year old to be virgin and been in relationship before? I don't feel like it is because everyone I know my age and young as 14 are in relationships or had relationships before. I'm very shy when it comes to approaching girls and holding conversations. I've tried talking to girls on social media apps but all they did was either declined my friend requests or ignored my messages. I'm not pretty boy but I'm definitely not ugly it's just that no one actually finds me attractive. No girl ever fancied me or liked before especially back when I was at school or college besides most girls nowadays are just very vain and shallow anyway so I've got no chance. I'm practically invisible to girls not just on social media but in public. Like I said I do struggle with my communication skills due my autism also showing empathy and sympathy is also what I struggle with. I had family members and a few of my close friends telling me that I'll find someone soon.

    It's killing me in the inside that I feel so left out in society and for years I've always been a social reject. I've been told back when I was at school the people who bullied me that I can't get a girlfriend etc. I avoid going out in public because I get very angry when I see young people holding hands it makes me like they're better than me. I've even lashed out on my little brother and his girlfriend for kissing in front of me I know I had no right but I just couldn't help myself.

    If you like to share some of you constructive comments without being abusive then that's help other than that could someone's please give me some advice on how to get a girl to like you, how to get noticed by girls also how to have a more positive attitude?

    Yes ita normal.

    The best way to get someone to like you is really to be YOURSElF.

    There is no quick fix or any of that for that matter.
    • Community Assistant

    Community Assistant
    Firstly, sort out your confidence: accept yourself, be proud of yourself- what are you proud about? What are you confident about?-your studies? Web design skills? A sport? Do things that you are normally afraid to do. Be happy within yourself, do things that make you happy, focus on yourself, stop caring what other people think or say because they are not important to you, look outside.

    Take risks, the more you take, the more acclimatised you will get. This is the only way you are going to improve your confidence, social skills and attracting women.

    Also: go to gym, wear good, stylish clothes, get a good hairstyle, groom and smell well.

    Approaching women

    Lighten up, think of no outcome, just talk to them and have a conversation.

    Approach women and say "I just saw you and just had to meet you" in a jovial way, then transition with questions, observe, make a comment, instigate and play on the words when she answers back to your question.

    The worst thing that is going to happen when approaching a women is he she pulls an angry face or tells you "to get lost", you will get these women, even the most successful men with women will get ignored.

    The more you approach, the more opportunities you will have to being successful. Approaching 3 a day means 21 in a week and in that 21 you should have 1-2 numbers to transition into a date.

    The more you approach, the more easier it will get. It's just like learning algebra, at first it is daunting, however, the more you practice and stick with it, the more easier it will get and the more comfortable you will feel.

    Best ways to meet women to get a girlfriend or a relationship

    You can join online dating website, go to speed dating events, join clubs out of interest such as a salsa dancing club, volunteer, work, meet women at the gym, through family or friends, through college or university or approaching women.

    Conversation skills

    Ask how they are/how's it going/how are you keeping
    What has she been up to,
    What is the latest,
    How is her day been,
    What is she planning to do
    What her plans are for the day, week ahead,
    How was her weekend, day, did you get up to anything interesting
    Ask if she has any plans for the holidays, etc
    How do you spend most of your time
    How do you spend most of your spare time
    Talk about her studies, hobbies
    Ask about family, friends, where she would like to travel, what's the craziest thing she's done

    Listening is very important in getting better with conversations!

    I really hope this helps.
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: November 3, 2016
The home of Results and Clearing


people online now


students helped last year
A-level students - how do you feel about your results?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.