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Can I forgive him? (Graphic content) watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter

    The other week I was really drunk, like so drunk I fell over many times and my flat had to take me back, and something bad happened. One of my other flat mates (who'd I consider my closest friend at uni) took advantage of me whilst he was also drunk. I woke up and he was in my bed and told me that he'd fingered me and I had consented then but I don't remember this at all (I don't remember the incident or consenting). We spoke about it the next day and he admitted he was wrong and was extremely apologetic and said he'd understand if I never wanted to speak to him again after I told him how I felt; I said I'd need time to forgive him but should I forgive him?
    • #2

    You are in a very difficult situation. The decision whether to forgive him or not is entirely yours though. It is a matter of he said/she said, more/less. Just because you were drunk out of your mind and were falling all over the place doesn't mean you lost consciousness. It is entirely plausible that, at the time, you did consent and you basically allowed him to proceed. Who's to say.... perhaps you were passed out. Not to get on a moral high horse, and I'm not judging because I've been there, but when one consumes large levels of alcohol, or if you have a small body mass it doesn't even take that much to get you overly intoxicated, you make and behave in a manner you wouldn't otherwise. It happens everyday. When you over consume you are accepting the risk of whatever could happen to you because your mind is in an altered state. Should he have taken advantage of you....... NO. Did he take advantage of you - who knows. He was drunk like you were. Why should he be expected to be in control of his drunk actions but drunkenness excuses your behavior? I'm sorry. I know my stance is controversial but when you're drunk you don't make smart choices and frankly you can't exactly rely on those around you to protect you either. I am a female and I have been in your situation and didn't really know what was right because I had had too much to drink and I didn't remember. The only way to protect yourself in the future is to limit your alcohol consumption or have a pact w/ a friend before you go out and make sure the other gets home safely...kind of like a designated driver only watching over personal safety. I am really sorry this happened to you. You have to decide how you feel about your flatmate when you are both not drunk and think about the overall person you know him to be to determine whether or not his actions are forgivable. Good Luck!

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