I found his list of conquests...

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Ok, zoecd before you jump on the "im so cool because i get laid and the rest of TSR is full of celibate losers" bandwaggon, I would like to say, I also have a 'list' although it is in the form of a diary and is a little more than names and dates. However that doesn't mean I don't see valid reasons why people may find such an activity offensive or immoral.

Reply 21

white_haired_wizard

History_is...

Exactly! Some men are so retarded sometimes! No offence to the rest of you :smile:

maybe the list was placed in a public place deliberately? hmmm :biggrin:

Reply 22

white_haired_wizard

he should have an official diary, a small book with DIARY on it!!!!

This could keep out intruders, although sometimes even the word DIARY doesn't shut out nosey-parkers. You just can't win sometimes.

Reply 23

white_haired_wizard

History_is...

Then that would not be retarded, but evil genius. I like.

if he wants rid of her then it COULD certainly make things happen quickly :biggrin:

Reply 24

podiatrist

I plucked up the courage and answered the phone!! He admitted the list is of all the women he has slept with and he said he has kept it for years...i asked him if i was another notch, he said no (as he would anyway), asked him why he kept a list...said he was bored one evening..hhmm!
Then said he couldnt see what the problem was. I asked him why he lied about the number and he said cos my number is a very respectable under 10 he didnt want to look like a slag. Ah well. Still feel crappy.

Reply 25

History_is...

At least if he lied to you about the number you can assume that he WANTED you to respect him and feel special, which would indicate he was taking you seriously...He could legitimately have just been bored, that makes a lot of sense...If you like this guy I'd suggest make a joke of it, perhaps buy him aforementionned small book with word diary on the front (I imagine in small gold arial-type lettering) and suggest he think more carefully about what he writes down (suggesting that if he is going to leave it where you will find it he fills it with praise of you!)

Reply 26

sabby ohh

^ well that makes sense. if i started going out with someone who told me they had only slept with like, one person or something i'd be very reluctant to tell them my actual number.

Reply 27

white_haired_wizard

podiatrist

errr right.

If he feels disgraced with himself regarding the number of women he has slept with (should he?), then why would he write down a list which effectively acts to remind himself of this alleged 'unrespectability'???

Reply 28

sabby ohh

white_haired_wizard

well, he might not feel disgraced with himself, but thats different to how other people may react. i don't feel ashamed with the number of people i have slept with, but i wouldn't go round just telling everyone and especially not if i think -they- would think it was bad or something.

Reply 29

Lady Leviathan

Ang|ophi|e

When he comes back from work confront him about it. Tell him how you feel. He obviously lied to you.

Agreed. If you're in an honest relationship he shouldn't be hiding that from you. You should have known that, or at least he shouldn't have lied about the number. You have to confront him and tell him what's up. Tell him that you don't want to be another number on his list, etc. Just tell him how you feel. You deserve an explanation.

Reply 30

JosephineM

Sticky

So it can't be the list of girls he's slept with...

32 girls that he .....kissed? No hun. Sorry.

Reply 31

white_haired_wizard

sabby ohh

the OP has told us that her bf didn't want to reveal the true 'stats' because it wasn't particularly respectable, not under 10 like hers and he didn't want to appear a man slag. Arguably it's a tad lame that he feels he's unrespectable, afterall it is he as a personality who has consciously decided to sleep with those women.

Reply 32

sabby ohh

white_haired_wizard

Hm, I guess we will agree to disagree. It doesn't mean that he feels unrespectable, but he was worried about her reaction and of her thinking it was unrespectable. Many people would be quick to label somebody a 'slag' for having slept with over 30 people, it doesn't mean they actually are, or feel like a slag themselves, but they will be aware of other peoples' prejudice.

Reply 33

sabby ohh

susanohara

He may have lied, but he wasn't doing it to hurt her, more likely he was doing it so she wouldn't jump to thinking that he'd slept with loads of girls so obviously wouldn't care about her/sex wasnt a big deal to him. He was probably put on the spot when she asked him how many girls he'd slept with so just said a number that he thoguht she wouldn't be too shocked by or something. I don't think that if you're in a relationship with someone you automatically have the right to know how many people they've slept with. If a boyfriend didn't want to tell me how many girls he'd been with, I'd be fine with it, as long as he wasn't sleeping with anyone else while he was with me, it's none of my business what he's done in his past. Everyones done things they regret or that aren't entirely respectful, or just things they don't wish to disclose for whatever reason, you have no obligation to tell anyone anything you don't want to.

Reply 34

phantom

podiatrist

Whilst looking for some post-it notes earlier round my b/f's, I came across a list of womens names

He must have really small handwriting to be able to fit 32 names on a single post it note!
So what if he has a list? however, seeing as you havent answered his calls you dont even know what the list is about! it could be a list of ex girlfriends it doesnt necessarily mean he's slept with them all and if he has well he should have plenty of experience (look on the bright side). Plus you dont have a list? at least a mental one, because unless your a nun type person i dont believe it

Reply 35

username70704

He keeps a list? Why?

Reply 36

shaneo632

Can't say it seems massively out of the ordinary, although he's bloody stupid for writing it down rather than storing it on a computer.

Reply 37

puppy

Shuv

He keeps a list? Why?

Because some people want to remember the names of the people they were intimately involved with when they look back on their lives? Same reason you'd write people's names next to photos in an album, because you want to remember them.

Reply 38

JC.

at least you're the last one on the list!

Reply 39

DodgyTrousers

OP : I don't think that the bloke could really win this one. He was probably stupid to write it down, but I suspect you did a bit more snooping than you let on.

If he'd been honest first time, and said "Oh yeah I've slept with 31 other women", you'd have been upset probably. There wasn't much point hurting you for no reason, and he didn't want to scare you off, which means he likes you, this is a good thing.

As others have said, despite the ridiculous moralising of some just about everyone is going to have significant sexual history the older you get. Imagine what it's like when you get to my age (30) !

As for the postulating of others, that having more than an arbritrary number of sexual partners makes you morally corrupt : LOL. Nice one, keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel superior. Guess what, the only real purpose humankind has is making more humans. We are nothing but sophisticated breeding robots. I wonder why you are quite that tied up with your 'morals' anyway? A church thing? Look up the roots of that belief. Even worse if you've decided you are better for having less opportunities :tongue:

Every moralising bigot I have ever met personally, who told me it's just SO wrong to have more than *insert number they make up on the spot* here partners just so happened to be physically or emotionally unnattractive. What a strange coincidence eh. Self defense mechanisms ahoy.

I haven't had a massive number of partners before you think I'm defending myself either btw, but Zoecb can sleep with as many men (women?) as she wants and it doesn't lower her 1 sodding inch on the moral ladder than you just invented. It's all in your head. Please do continue to lambast her for daring to live her life though, she is obviously evil!