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Girls are more horrible then mens in general? watch

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    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    Yeah, had a friend like that.

    Loved making side insulting remarks, got all hunky dorey with my flatmate, tried to use me for help, got jealous when I flirted with her friends...and god knows what other BS.

    I severed the friendship after an arguement, (she refused to apologise), but tbh she had very little influence over my other friends. So, it was easy to do.

    Best thing I have done to date.
    In a way it's a social skill but it can only get you so far. These people are usually quite respected.
    Those little implicit insults done with a nice big fake smile (you know the type :rolleyes: ) or an insult disguised as "humour"... pure *****iness
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    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    Moral of the story (for the OP): if people are unneccessary being *****y towards you and your a sound person, chances are other people can see this and will think the same thing as you, but will not say anything to avoid conflict.
    That is an optimistic outlook but I'm not sure things always work out that great. Of course people notice a *****y, socially opportunistic person but people aren't just drawn to good/nice people. They're often drawn to people who have the most social clout, who are the most feared/respected.

    Ever noticed that some of the most popular people are often quite detestable?

    In your case, it doesn't sound this girl was that smart and you got the better of her but for some people, using *****iness, side remarks, putting people down and insulting them, all done in an implicit way, that almost appears "friendly/humourous", this is all just second nature.

    Whereas for me and I'm sure a lot of less socially-skilled, more straight/honest people, it takes a conscious effort to hurt/insult people.

    I've always been mesmerised by these people who can put people down in a social environment to impose themselves, to make people look bad and make themselves look good. I wonder how their brains work. It's almost as if they don't even need to think about it much. If I ever make any joking comment, I'm always too aware of whether I might hurt/insult the person I'm talking to.

    Just to give an example of a typical conversation at work with a *****y person:
    Manager: "So did you check the orders for last week?"
    *****y person: "Yep we've gone through the list and verified the quantities"
    Average Joe: "Actually I did notice something a bit strange with Monday's figures. I'll check that"
    *****y person: "Oh don't worry about that. I've already looked at that. You were probably half asleep when you got to work" (with a nice big fake smile)

    I probably haven't even written a very good convo there and the *****iness is probably too obvious... But the subtle *****iness there is something that I've never understood. For one, I've never felt the need to do so and the other thing is that I don't even know why I would want to go out my way to make someone look bad like that.
    Maybe I'm just socially inept because it seems that there are more people skilled at this stuff than not.
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    (Original post by Sticky)
    That is an optimistic outlook but I'm not sure things always work out that great. Of course people notice a *****y, socially opportunistic person but people aren't just drawn to good/nice people. They're often drawn to people who have the most social clout, who are the most feared/respected.

    Ever noticed that some of the most popular people are often quite detestable?
    Indeed I have, the reason why these people are popular is because they have other desirable traits. For example they might be good looking (so people like to hang out with them because they will be perceived as 'cool'; guys especially!), I know girls that are considerd to be mingers (by the vast majority),whose attitudes suck - and incidently they are treated badly. - in psychology this is called the "Halo effect"

    Other reasons, could be because they display a very high level of confidence with that attitude. Like they act really reassured about themselves - and people are drawn to people like that despite their attitude. As chances are they know how to have a good time once you are mates with them.

    Thirdly, and the most important thing of all, they "may" just be selective with who they are nice to and who they are not "nice" too. So essentially they are just very good at manipulating people, and befriending people who are 'popular' to boost their own popularity. This is a very common trait amongst them - once they get to a good social standing they would probably act *****y towards anyone who they wish to and get away with it.

    In your case, it doesn't sound this girl was that smart and you got the better of her but for some people, using *****iness, side remarks, putting people down and insulting them, all done in an implicit way, that almost appears "friendly/humourous", this is all just second nature.

    Whereas for me and I'm sure a lot of less socially-skilled, more straight/honest people, it takes a conscious effort to hurt/insult people.

    I've always been mesmerised by these people who can put people down in a social environment to impose themselves, to make people look bad and make themselves look good. I wonder how their brains work. It's almost as if they don't even need to think about it much. If I ever make any joking comment, I'm always too aware of whether I might hurt/insult the person I'm talking to.

    Just to give an example of a typical conversation at work with a *****y person:
    Manager: "So did you check the orders for last week?"
    *****y person: "Yep we've gone through the list and verified the quantities"
    Average Joe: "Actually I did notice something a bit strange with Monday's figures. I'll check that"
    *****y person: "Oh don't worry about that. I've already looked at that. You were probably half asleep when you got to work" (with a nice big fake smile)

    I probably haven't even written a very good convo there and the *****iness is probably too obvious... But the subtle *****iness there is something that I've never understood. For one, I've never felt the need to do so and the other thing is that I don't even know why I would want to go out my way to make someone look bad like that.
    Maybe I'm just socially inept because it seems that there are more people skilled at this stuff than not.
    You are not socially inept. I get it too (well I have done so from my prev thread)...Happens to everyone.

    You just got to realise that not everyone will like you and will have to be tactical with who is worth investing your time with and who is not. Anyone that puts you down, is frankly not worth it. You probably know this all already.

    My situation is easier then yours because I am not working, but I do most of my networking at university. So whenever I want, I can expand my networks and filter out those people that are a complete waste of time. It is much more flexible -- I just don't see that person anymore. You on the other hand are stuck with x *****y person due to your circumstances. So it is understandable why you are in that dilemma.

    I also have a safety net with my core set of friends who do respect me. Which helps a lot because no matter how bad things are you have got people to rely on.
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    Girls are definetly more nasty they love talking behind peoples backs and can be incredibly petty. Also, they love status and will happily boss you around all day at work making your life a misery without remorse. If they are given a position of power they go crazy. The problem is if you tell them to **** off they go and tell the manager and you get *******ed they don't have many morals. They are almost like children you have to show them where the boundaries are.
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    It's interesting how many women will, at some time or another, exclaim that "all men are *******s", yet how many also seem to admit to the fact that men make better friends, than do women; seems vaguely contradictory.

    I've always found that men and women are nasty in different ways. I've found that women can sometimes illustrate more empathy, than can men, but the *****iness can't be ignored.

    Such women are remarkably easy to put in their places, though. I once had a female 'friend' who was almost constantly *****y towards me, for the first eight months of our friendship, until I grew a pair of balls (which I've sported proudly, ever since), and yelled at her aggressively, telling her in no uncertain terms to quit the *****iness, pronto, adding the odd insult in, for good measure.

    It was all smiles and sweetness, from that moment on............
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    (Original post by Guy Secretan)
    Girls are definetly more nasty they love talking behind peoples backs and can be incredibly petty. Also, they love status and will happily boss you around all day at work making your life a misery without remorse. If they are given a position of power they go crazy. The problem is if you tell them to **** off they go and tell the manager and you get *******ed they don't have many morals. They are almost like children you have to show them where the boundaries are.
    With an attitude like that, I'm not surprised they aren't pleasant to you. If a guy in 'real life' let it known to me that he thinks all girls are incredibly horrible and nasty and power-crazy, I'd tell him to **** right off- in fact in my eyes he would be just as bad the people he was talking about. Women are 'almost like children'? How patronising and condescending do you want to get? On this thread, it seems, girls can be absolutely ripped to shreds, with barely anyone saying a word in protest.
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    (Original post by HistoryStudent)
    On this thread, it seems, girls can be absolutely ripped to shreds, with barely anyone saying a word in protest.
    The tables have turned at long last.........
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    You might get girls saying things like 'oh guys are such *******s' after a breakup or something, but that's hardly in the same league as out of the blue calling all girls horrible, nasty, sly, spiteful, power hungry etc. - practically evil incarnate, according to some people it seems. Bit extreme don't you think? Also, in the 'guys are such *******s' threads, at least other guys come in to the guy's defence - here, however, practically nobody at all comes to the defence.
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    (Original post by HistoryStudent)
    You might get girls saying things like 'oh guys are such *******s' after a breakup or something, but that's hardly in the same league as out of the blue calling all girls horrible, nasty, sly, spiteful, power hungry etc.
    I don't recall anyone here saying all this, about girls; you seem to be exaggerating what was said in that one post you replied to. I've also heard girls say a lot more than just that, and have watched men be the subject of ridicule in the mainstream media, for the last fifteen years, but, anyway.....

    (Original post by HistoryStudent)
    Also, in the 'guys are such *******s' threads, at least other guys come in to the guy's defence - here, however, practically nobody at all comes to the defence.
    Do they? I thought it was practically just me.......
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    (Original post by dyslexic_banana)
    I don't recall anyone here saying all this, about girls; you seem to be exaggerating what was said in that one post you replied to.
    Well, spam aside, the thread is full of comments about girls being nasty and calculating and *****y. I'm not denying that there are some *****y girls out there, but from what I remember from school, there were just as many guys who were horrible as there were girls.
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    Maybe they're saying that men and women are nasty in different ways?
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    Hmm, I suppose maybe, in the most general terms. Yet girls physically fighting isn't that rare, and from my experience guys are just as good as girls at making snide and horrible comments.
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    (Original post by HistoryStudent)
    You might get girls saying things like 'oh guys are such *******s' after a breakup or something, but that's hardly in the same league as out of the blue calling all girls horrible, nasty, sly, spiteful, power hungry etc. - practically evil incarnate, according to some people it seems. Bit extreme don't you think? Also, in the 'guys are such *******s' threads, at least other guys come in to the guy's defence - here, however, practically nobody at all comes to the defence.
    I would never and have never said that to a girl I've had girls smirk at me at the wake of my late brother and just be really spiteful for no reason. Yeah they can be really nice but usually only if they fancy you or when you are popular.
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    So you met a few that are - but that's no reason to tar us all with the same brush. I've known lots of girls who are lovely to everyone, and personally I've never only been nice to a guy just because I fancy them or because they are popular. In fact I tended to be a bit intimidated by the 'popular' guys at school, because they seemed so cocky and full of themselves.
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    Maybe, in the future, you can do this 'don't generalise' speech when men are getting attacked....
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    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    Indeed I have, the reason why these people are popular is because they have other desirable traits. For example they might be good looking (so people like to hang out with them because they will be perceived as 'cool'; guys especially!), I know girls that are considerd to be mingers (by the vast majority),whose attitudes suck - and incidently they are treated badly. - in psychology this is called the "Halo effect"

    Other reasons, could be because they display a very high level of confidence with that attitude. Like they act really reassured about themselves - and people are drawn to people like that despite their attitude. As chances are they know how to have a good time once you are mates with them.

    Thirdly, and the most important thing of all, they "may" just be selective with who they are nice to and who they are not "nice" too. So essentially they are just very good at manipulating people, and befriending people who are 'popular' to boost their own popularity. This is a very common trait amongst them - once they get to a good social standing they would probably act *****y towards anyone who they wish to and get away with it.
    All true but you're describing reasons why a person would actually be liked. Still, in the case of a guy, I wouldn't place too much importance on looks, as I don't believe that guys choose their mates based on their good looks (sure, maybe their "style" i.e. a goth probably won't want to hang out with a preppy boy) unlike girls.

    Yes this confident/fun side of some *****y people does attract other people, despite the *****iness. But I'm also talking about the fact that some people will hang out with others, even if they don't like them because of "fear" i.e. they stick with them because they feel that their social status will be more secure that way, even if they have no true affinity with the person.

    A simple example would be a *****y person putting down a good friend of yours right in front of you. Someone with no real morals and who is more worried about their reputation/image/popularity, might not even say anything, in case they get on the wrong side of this person.

    Of course a certain amount of confidence is required to behave like a *****y person, but quite often, it's to hide a bit of an inferiority complex. I know a few people who really could be picked on big time because of the way they look, their lifestyle, their job, but they never do get picked on because they're always one step ahead in case someone comes round to insult them. They've turned "putting other people down" into such a skill that despite all their flaws and shortcomings, most people will not pick a bone with them. These people will also stick to social surroundings where there's no risk of that happening.


    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    You are not socially inept. I get it too (well I have done so from my prev thread)...Happens to everyone.

    You just got to realise that not everyone will like you and will have to be tactical with who is worth investing your time with and who is not. Anyone that puts you down, is frankly not worth it. You probably know this all already.
    Well there's certain levels of putting down. There's just the joking, ladish humour between mates which is totally harmless because each of you know that you won't take it badly.

    There's the straightforward insults but then, there's all that space in between where insults can be disguised as jokes or ambiguous sentences. *****y people play in that space. They usually try to make sure they don't go so far that it's obvious that they're aiming to insult/offend the other person.

    To be totally honest, I have some good friends and then I have some not-so-good friends who can be fine in certain groups but in other surroundings, will put other people down (me included) because they just enjoy putting people down and making themselves look good that way.

    I've just never been that tactical in my socialising. I've always believed in being a good mate who's there when you need him, who'll stick up for you, rather than trying to make myself look good at the expense of others. I simply don't believe in putting people down completely just to look better, even if that might be a solution to get more respect. I'd say that the majority of people I know do it to a certain extent, either consciously or not. I will never go further than making a joke when I know that the person won't take it badly and it will usually be an isolated comment rather than a whole tirade.

    This whole *****y stuff isn't really about people liking you or not liking you. I know *****y people who actually like the people they insult but the only way they know to get by in a social environment is to put down those who seem like easy targets.
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    (Original post by Sticky)
    All true but you're describing reasons why a person would actually be liked. Still, in the case of a guy, I wouldn't place too much importance on looks, as I don't believe that guys choose their mates based on their good looks (sure, maybe their "style" i.e. a goth probably won't want to hang out with a preppy boy) unlike girls.
    Believe me you get girls like that too, the superficial ones anyway. A lot of them would use guys they don't percieve as fit as emotional tampons if anything; once they are friends with that person. Whereas with guys they are attracted too, they would always want to be around them, make a lot of effort to be around them...It's mutual.

    I have a friend, well my flatmate from last year (the other one), another friend of mine fancied him. I encouraged her to go out with him, my other flatmate and the majority of my other friends would openly laugh out loud at the idea and would say "That is ridiculous" to her. She never did go out with him because she 'cared' too much about what people thought, but was quite happy to use him as an emotional tampon. He left a picture-comment on her myspace once about her playing the guiter and what note she was playing (he can play the guiter), she told us behind his back, "Oh I think your flatmate is stalking me" -- when really he wasn't

    Can you see the difference?

    If he had a great body, was good looking etc - they would probably be going out now. (he liked her too). But because he is an 'unconventional' chap looks wise, he has little value to people. It is sad.

    Guys, like girls are the same with choosing their male/female friends respectively. Half of us really couldn't give a crap if our friend was a munter - as long as he is a laugh. But it gets complicated when guys and girls choose their friends from the opposite sex.

    For example, I am good friends with one girl, she is considered to be unattractive but I appreciate her personality (aside from the times when she gets drunk and uncontrollable). A LOT of my friends tell me explicitly to not bring her to parties that I am invited to and so on. So I don't, I keep her seperate from my other friends. But I tell them all that she is an alright person and a cool lass (they all know her from dorms); a lot of them male and female don't appreciate her at parties because she is "annoying". I just KNOW this is a cop out and if she was really really fit, people will overlook it, so they can show to people "ahhh look at the kinda of people I am hanging out with. I must be the 'it' thing.". One guy even said to me in relation to her (when I asked him if I could bring her along):

    "remember people judge you on who your friends are."

    Girls would ***** about her behind her back.

    Yes this confident/fun side of some *****y people does attract other people, despite the *****iness. But I'm also talking about the fact that some people will hang out with others, even if they don't like them because of "fear" i.e. they stick with them because they feel that their social status will be more secure that way, even if they have no true affinity with the person.
    Sure, these people are often the ones that have very little influence on the group as a whole. If they got ousted from that little social group they were in, they would be loners. So they are basically watching their own back.

    A simple example would be a *****y person putting down a good friend of yours right in front of you. Someone with no real morals and who is more worried about their reputation/image/popularity, might not even say anything, in case they get on the wrong side of this person.

    Of course a certain amount of confidence is required to behave like a *****y person, but quite often, it's to hide a bit of an inferiority complex. I know a few people who really could be picked on big time because of the way they look, their lifestyle, their job, but they never do get picked on because they're always one step ahead in case someone comes round to insult them. They've turned "putting other people down" into such a skill that despite all their flaws and shortcomings, most people will not pick a bone with them. These people will also stick to social surroundings where there's no risk of that happening.
    Yes, its an art; I agree. I too know people that have SO much influence over people, yet have nothing going for them really - academically, looks wise, job wise. However, what they do have is good group dynamics. Everyone has their strengths, theirs is befriending the right people and using their wit, sense of humour along with being wild to maintain friendships.

    *****y people are always in my experience the ones that are superficial like ****. This girl I used as an example - used to make all those sly remarks towards me because yes at one point I was quite an easy target. I never really took much pride in my image and was pretty geeky. So she pittied me...once this changed, and after realising that her interpretations of me were essentially fallible (my social status and so forth) she has since found it incredibly hard to pick out flaws.

    ...Just yesterday she left me a facebook comment, asking me how I was and stuff. Even though I make f all effort with her. I am yet to reply. (...and I probably won't, because she is a waste of time.)

    Well there's certain levels of putting down. There's just the joking, ladish humour between mates which is totally harmless because each of you know that you won't take it badly.
    Yeah I get that too. For example sometimes in my facebook photos on a night out I get tagged as Abu Hamza in a photo or on a night out the boys would pull out some other terrorist joke...I would laugh it off, or say something cocky back.

    But the hard bit about this is that you got to know when to draw the line. Some people start thinking your an 'easy target' by accepting their jokes - so it becomes worse and worse. In which case, take the piss out of them.

    Give somebody an inch - they can take a mile.

    There's the straightforward insults but then, there's all that space in between where insults can be disguised as jokes or ambiguous sentences. *****y people play in that space. They usually try to make sure they don't go so far that it's obvious that they're aiming to insult/offend the other person.
    From experience, they will talk about you behind your back if anything like cowards. Or they would compliment you out of pity. This girl I used as an example was such a great example of this. Irony of it all is that she is insecure as hell.

    To be totally honest, I have some good friends and then I have some not-so-good friends who can be fine in certain groups but in other surroundings, will put other people down (me included) because they just enjoy putting people down and making themselves look good that way.
    Same. They are 'aquaintances'. I had to live with a guy like this for one year, such a terrible period of my life. But saying that, till this day I think that he was just insecure as hell, and as I do have things going for me - he took it out on me.

    He had nice qualities about him, like once some guy tried to start on me on a night out - he punched him, bought me a bike etc. It was just when girls came into the equation he became very competitive probably because I was the only one in the flat that was a 'threat' in any form.

    I've just never been that tactical in my socialising. I've always believed in being a good mate who's there when you need him, who'll stick up for you, rather than trying to make myself look good at the expense of others. I simply don't believe in putting people down completely just to look better, even if that might be a solution to get more respect. I'd say that the majority of people I know do it to a certain extent, either consciously or not. I will never go further than making a joke when I know that the person won't take it badly and it will usually be an isolated comment rather than a whole tirade.

    This whole *****y stuff isn't really about people liking you or not liking you. I know *****y people who actually like the people they insult but the only way they know to get by in a social environment is to put down those who seem like easy targets.
    I guess it isn't. I think it comes down to 'respect' more then anything else.

    You are a guy...I don't know about you, but I have found that bigger sporty guys earn so much respect for no apparent reason. If not that - if they get the ladies they get so much respect for that reason. That is my observation from the way guys deal out respect.

    The intellectual scourny geeky guy never tends to get the respect he deserves. Why is this? He has afterall got a trait and will probably get a great job after his degree, yet does not get credited for it. Ask yourself why that is?
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    Sticky and fat_hobbit, you have pinpointed everything that made me feel uneasy about certain people in my year.

    One girl especially really got on my nerves with her *****iness - she would give her target a nickname, but only tell it to her close friends, and then talk about that person right in front of their faces with their alias. It would soon become apparent who they were talking about, but confrontation was difficult because we didn't want to eavesdrop.

    The problem with her was she could often be very funny, especially if her target was completely unknown (like a celebrity). Her *****iness was done in a very witty style, and that's what won her friends. Her insecurity was obvious - she was overweight, but she avoided getting mocked because of her pre-emptive insults. As we grew older, there was also no satisfaction in stooping to her level, but she was so annoyingly *****y - I will be very happy if I never see her again.

    It's a little harsh to generalise all of us girls like that, though, just like no generalisation fits all guys. My friends, for example, are lovely, and rarely *****. But at the same time, if someone is keen to hate all women, it's better for both parties if we just keep our distance Your loss.
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    (Original post by prettygreeneyes99)
    I agre 100%, girls are can be far nastier than boys.. probably because we are more calculating etc so we know the little things how to piss others off
    Yes. Girls pay more attention to small things.
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    (Original post by 321beep)
    Sticky and fat_hobbit, you have pinpointed everything that made me feel uneasy about certain people in my year.

    One girl especially really got on my nerves with her *****iness - she would give her target a nickname, but only tell it to her close friends, and then talk about that person right in front of their faces with their alias. It would soon become apparent who they were talking about, but confrontation was difficult because we didn't want to eavesdrop.

    The problem with her was she could often be very funny, especially if her target was completely unknown (like a celebrity). Her *****iness was done in a very witty style, and that's what won her friends. Her insecurity was obvious - she was overweight, but she avoided getting mocked because of her pre-emptive insults. As we grew older, there was also no satisfaction in stooping to her level, but she was so annoyingly *****y - I will be very happy if I never see her again.

    It's a little harsh to generalise all of us girls like that, though, just like no generalisation fits all guys. My friends, for example, are lovely, and rarely *****. But at the same time, if someone is keen to hate all women, it's better for both parties if we just keep our distance Your loss.
    My post was aimed at '*****y' people in general. As you can see from my post, I did also mention how I am friends with x girl - and how she gets treated badly from both sexes alike for no apparent reason.

    But I will say in terms of *****yness, girls from experience are generally worse. I have found that with guys, if they do not like someone they will display this via body language or just be crude. Girls on the other hand, will say rubbish behind that persons back - but then in person - "oh hey how are you????", "how was your summer" ...create BS small talk like that - where you'll think that there is nothing wrong; in order for them to avoid confrontation.
 
 
 
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