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Struggling to build and maintain relationships. I have Aspergers...? watch

    • Thread Starter

    Hello folks

    I'm a 19 year old guy with Aspergers, currently in my second year in uni. I feel I do quite well in most aspects of life, I perform in uni, I have a part-time job that's ok, and I know quite a lot of people, but I have no real close friends.

    Having what I'd call a professional or academic conversation with someone is something I have no issues at all with, but when it comes to small talk I'm terrible, when I'm drunk I'm just OK at it.

    When I started uni, having moved quite a bit from home and knowing just 1 or 2 people, I got to know people quite easily and got into a social circle with parties and stuff. However, as time went by, the circle "tightened", people became good friends and I was left out, I suppose because of my terrible skills at bonding with people and building a relationship. I still get invited to parties, but only the "big" ones - no smaller birthdays or movie nights anymore.

    Romantically I'm struggling even more. I'd say I'm average+ looking, tall and quite athletic, but without the "hotness" that some guys have. When I go out I'm very often able to hook up with someone and I've had one-night stands and a very brief relationship while doing A-levels, but my attempts to flirt with girls in uni have failed miserably.

    This stuff is bothering me quite a bit. Could anyone give me some advice please?
    • Community Assistant

    Community Assistant
    I'm 25, have aspergers and am a girl to boot (waaay higher social requirements than guys it seems!)

    Unfortunately the only solid advice I can give is to keep trying. Talk to people, watch people as hard as you can and try and learn what works and doesn't, what people like and don't etc. Try until it hurts and then try more. At the same time, try not to force it as it can seem even weirder.

    Romantically you'll probably end up with someone as weird as you. If flirting doesn't work then just be nice, friendly and kind. You might not have a crazy romantic life like NTs get, but you won't be alone either!
    • TSR Support Team

    TSR Support Team
    You've pretty much described my time at university, minus the hooking up stuff as I was far too socially inept for that. There were so many groups that I was part of, but on an individual basis there was virtually nobody who I knew well and it really got to me. Half my group of friends at uni I never saw or spoke to when sober, i'd see them when we were going out and that's it.

    Are there people at work? I made better friendships from my job than at uni, still in touch with a couple of them now even though I left 2 and a half years ago. It really helped knowing people who weren't uni students.
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