Turn on thread page Beta

Long distance relationship, his lack of contact watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. I know he is a busy person as he works from 10am to 6pm each day, and on top of that we're in different time zones. He tells me how much he loves me and misses me when we actually have conversations, but he will rarely ever call or text. I will text him 'I miss you' for example, and he won't reply until a day or two later.

    We've been relying on texting, but he's never online and his wifi is off too. It just makes me miss him a lot more because I make time to communicate with him even though I'm busy too, it makes me question whether he actually means it when he says he misses me because why can't he make time to say hello? I just feel really unloved and down when he doesn't speak to me.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I worry that at some point I'm just going to get tired of always waiting for him to get in touch with me, and my feelings just won't be as strong anymore :/
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. I know he is a busy person as he works from 10am to 6pm each day, and on top of that we're in different time zones. He tells me how much he loves me and misses me when we actually have conversations, but he will rarely ever call or text. I will text him 'I miss you' for example, and he won't reply until a day or two later.

    We've been relying on texting, but he's never online and his wifi is off too. It just makes me miss him a lot more because I make time to communicate with him even though I'm busy too, it makes me question whether he actually means it when he says he misses me because why can't he make time to say hello? I just feel really unloved and down when he doesn't speak to me.
    i had the same problem with my best friend, we ended up not talking anymore.Just wait things out. I hope things work out for you x
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. I know he is a busy person as he works from 10am to 6pm each day, and on top of that we're in different time zones. He tells me how much he loves me and misses me when we actually have conversations, but he will rarely ever call or text. I will text him 'I miss you' for example, and he won't reply until a day or two later.

    We've been relying on texting, but he's never online and his wifi is off too. It just makes me miss him a lot more because I make time to communicate with him even though I'm busy too, it makes me question whether he actually means it when he says he misses me because why can't he make time to say hello? I just feel really unloved and down when he doesn't speak to me.
    Slowly decline the relationship.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Angell99)
    i had the same problem with my best friend, we ended up not talking anymore.Just wait things out. I hope things work out for you x
    I hope it works out too but I don't think I can put up with this for much longer. If you're in a long distance relationship, communication is so important but I'm tired of always putting in the effort. It's always me initiating the conversations and texting to ask how he is, if I don't then I don't even know when I'd hear from him and he was the one who told me to give this long distance thing a try in the first place.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by ckfeister)
    Slowly decline the relationship.
    I think it's already declining to be honest.
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I hope it works out too but I don't think I can put up with this for much longer. If you're in a long distance relationship, communication is so important but I'm tired of always putting in the effort. It's always me initiating the conversations and texting to ask how he is, if I don't then I don't even know when I'd hear from him and he was the one who told me to give this long distance thing a try in the first place.
    it looks like the relationship does not seem to be working out message him how u feel so he knows
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think it's already declining to be honest.
    end it asap then.
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    22
    ReputationRep:
    Very Important Poster
    Talk to him and tell him how you feel
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Tiger Rag)
    Talk to him and tell him how you feel
    I thought about it but didn't want to do that because I don't want to sound needy and a bit of a nuisance to him. I thought I'd just wait for him to speak to me whenever he is free and feels like it really. Sometimes we don't even have much to talk about, but I don't know just finding out what he's been up to is enough for me.
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    19
    Very Important Poster
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. I know he is a busy person as he works from 10am to 6pm each day, and on top of that we're in different time zones. He tells me how much he loves me and misses me when we actually have conversations, but he will rarely ever call or text. I will text him 'I miss you' for example, and he won't reply until a day or two later.

    We've been relying on texting, but he's never online and his wifi is off too. It just makes me miss him a lot more because I make time to communicate with him even though I'm busy too, it makes me question whether he actually means it when he says he misses me because why can't he make time to say hello? I just feel really unloved and down when he doesn't speak to me.
    How old are you?
    How long distance?
    How long have you been together?
    Have you met?
    What do you intend doing ultimately?

    LDR's can be demanding. Do you skype? Do you plan on meeting?
    What often happens is that both or one of the parties realises it is not the same as being in a normal relationship and they get bored or find someone else or cnat be bothered to make the effort. that is natural.

    You need to talk to him to see if he realises this and then agree on things you can do to make both of you happy (tic the restrictions of an LDR) and if he agrees, then give it some time. If he is still no making it work from his side, then he either cnat or isnt bothered enough and you have your answer.

    You need to see him saying not that he misses you but to put some effort in to reassure you that you are importnat to him and he really means what he says.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. I know he is a busy person as he works from 10am to 6pm each day, and on top of that we're in different time zones. He tells me how much he loves me and misses me when we actually have conversations, but he will rarely ever call or text. I will text him 'I miss you' for example, and he won't reply until a day or two later.

    We've been relying on texting, but he's never online and his wifi is off too. It just makes me miss him a lot more because I make time to communicate with him even though I'm busy too, it makes me question whether he actually means it when he says he misses me because why can't he make time to say hello? I just feel really unloved and down when he doesn't speak to me.
    If he loves you he would put more effort in not just you doing it all. What i would suggest is to message him telling him how you feel unloved and unappreciated and if he can't put the effort in its best you both break up.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by 999tigger)
    How old are you?
    How long distance?
    How long have you been together?
    Have you met?
    What do you intend doing ultimately?

    LDR's can be demanding. Do you skype? Do you plan on meeting?
    What often happens is that both or one of the parties realises it is not the same as being in a normal relationship and they get bored or find someone else or cnat be bothered to make the effort. that is natural.

    You need to talk to him to see if he realises this and then agree on things you can do to make both of you happy (tic the restrictions of an LDR) and if he agrees, then give it some time. If he is still no making it work from his side, then he either cnat or isnt bothered enough and you have your answer.

    You need to see him saying not that he misses you but to put some effort in to reassure you that you are importnat to him and he really means what he says.
    Thank you for your response. We are both 21 years old and by long distance I mean he is in a different country. We have been together for about 5 months now. We used to meet up often but not anymore of course because he is abroad. I am planning on flying out to see him next May for a couple of weeks and then we can spend time with each other all the time he says. I don't know what I am going to do ultimately, he was the one who suggested we have a long distance relationship whereas I was a bit wary of feeling like this.

    I said to him that it's difficult because we can't communicate like we could do if we were close to each other, and it could get tiring for both of us, but he disagreed and said nothing would get tiring because he loves me. He said we need to try and that he will wait for me to come next year and how he misses me each day. I didn't bring up Skype just because he's always at work and studying at night, even calling would be a nuisance because if I call in the morning - he's at work, if I call at night - it's past midnight there and he'll be asleep. I just don't understand why he kept stressing that he needs me, and he really, really wants a serious relationship with me but isn't doing what it takes to maintain it.
    • #2
    #2

    How did you meet?
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    19
    Very Important Poster
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you for your response. We are both 21 years old and by long distance I mean he is in a different country. We have been together for about 5 months now. We used to meet up often but not anymore of course because he is abroad. I am planning on flying out to see him next May for a couple of weeks and then we can spend time with each other all the time he says. I don't know what I am going to do ultimately, he was the one who suggested we have a long distance relationship whereas I was a bit wary of feeling like this.

    I said to him that it's difficult because we can't communicate like we could do if we were close to each other, and it could get tiring for both of us, but he disagreed and said nothing would get tiring because he loves me. He said we need to try and that he will wait for me to come next year and how he misses me each day. I didn't bring up Skype just because he's always at work and studying at night, even calling would be a nuisance because if I call in the morning - he's at work, if I call at night - it's past midnight there and he'll be asleep. I just don't understand why he kept stressing that he needs me, and he really, really wants a serious relationship with me but isn't doing what it takes to maintain it.
    Easy to say, harder to do. I doubt he realised the implications and you are aways in danger of himmmeeting someone else. It takes a special sort of personality and commitment to do one. He sounds like he is big on words and small on thinking things through. he could easily afford 15 minutes a day skype for someone who he professes is som important.

    5 months isnt that long and you barely know each other yet imo and you barely know yourselves. I dont want to be pessimistic, but they are very tough going. There needs to be an end game imo.

    Talk to him, work soemthing out you are happy with or find soemthing else. Dont suffer the slow death it is very dull.

    Btw how long were you together physically and how long the ldr?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Easy to say, harder to do. I doubt he realised the implications and you are aways in danger of himmmeeting someone else. It takes a special sort of personality and commitment to do one. He sounds like he is big on words and small on thinking things through. he could easily afford 15 minutes a day skype for someone who he professes is som important.

    5 months isnt that long and you barely know each other yet imo and you barely know yourselves. I dont want to be pessimistic, but they are very tough going. There needs to be an end game imo.

    Talk to him, work soemthing out you are happy with or find soemthing else. Dont suffer the slow death it is very dull.

    Btw how long were you together physically and how long the ldr?
    Yeah you're right. I haven't suggested Skype to him yet because I honestly don't think he has the time for it or would want to, he'd find it a nuisance. I would happily Skype and call him everyday however, even if it meant we did it at 2am or something because at least I'd get to hear his voice and see him, and I have really busy days myself too with work, studying, gym etc. Him saying 'I miss you so much and I love you' every few days just isn't enough and I was naive to think this would work because he'd make time if he really was serious about me.

    I'm going to quit initiating conversations with him, I will wait for him to make the effort, and if he doesn't bother messaging me for over a week or longer then at least I know where I stand and it'll help me stop feeling like crap everyday.
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah you're right. I haven't suggested Skype to him yet because I honestly don't think he has the time for it or would want to, he'd find it a nuisance. I would happily Skype and call him everyday however, even if it meant we did it at 2am or something because at least I'd get to hear his voice and see him, and I have really busy days myself too with work, studying, gym etc. Him saying 'I miss you so much and I love you' every few days just isn't enough and I was naive to think this would work because he'd make time if he really was serious about me.

    I'm going to quit initiating conversations with him, I will wait for him to make the effort, and if he doesn't bother messaging me for over a week or longer then at least I know where I stand and it'll help me stop feeling like crap everyday.
    You go girl and good luck.
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    19
    Very Important Poster
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah you're right. I haven't suggested Skype to him yet because I honestly don't think he has the time for it or would want to, he'd find it a nuisance. I would happily Skype and call him everyday however, even if it meant we did it at 2am or something because at least I'd get to hear his voice and see him, and I have really busy days myself too with work, studying, gym etc. Him saying 'I miss you so much and I love you' every few days just isn't enough and I was naive to think this would work because he'd make time if he really was serious about me.

    I'm going to quit initiating conversations with him, I will wait for him to make the effort, and if he doesn't bother messaging me for over a week or longer then at least I know where I stand and it'll help me stop feeling like crap everyday.
    Seems wiser. Its a good lesson to learn and counts for rl relationships as well. Compare what they say to what they do. There needs to be a match. Words are cheap. Even if he is busy he cna find time to chat for an hour once a week. hearing someones voice reminds you theres someone real on the other end.

    He can send you e-mails which you can read and he can send whenever. It should be thoughtful., but he can connect just a little to let you know you are in his thoughts.

    Its good you be realistic about how it will work and what the signs of it not being feasible. That way you wont drown.

    They take a particular form of commitment and personality for them to work or survive for extended periods.

    Btw you shouldnt underestimate how much interaction and communication you can have with each other via e-mail. It just takes effort though.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Seems wiser. Its a good lesson to learn and counts for rl relationships as well. Compare what they say to what they do. There needs to be a match. Words are cheap. Even if he is busy he cna find time to chat for an hour once a week. hearing someones voice reminds you theres someone real on the other end.

    He can send you e-mails which you can read and he can send whenever. It should be thoughtful., but he can connect just a little to let you know you are in his thoughts.

    Its good you be realistic about how it will work and what the signs of it not being feasible. That way you wont drown.

    They take a particular form of commitment and personality for them to work or survive for extended periods.
    Yes you're absolutely right. I have had a long distance relationship before (same country, just hours and hours away from each other). We would text each day, everyday, we would Skype and call each other most days too. We didn't live close to each other, but we always had things to speak about because he and I both knew that communication was the key and so we made a real effort to communicate, so our communication was never an issue.
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    19
    Very Important Poster
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes you're absolutely right. I have had a long distance relationship before (same country, just hours and hours away from each other). We would text each day, everyday, we would Skype and call each other most days too. We didn't live close to each other, but we always had things to speak about because he and I both knew that communication was the key and so we made a real effort to communicate, so our communication was never an issue.
    So make it a fair challenge and you cna get the measure of him.

    1. Work out a realistic plan to improve.
    It works both ways btw.
    2. See how important you are by how he responds.

    Then you dont have to stress, becayse you know you can walk away with a clear conscience knowing it wont work because despite what he says (lot of rubbish) he wont make the effort. Entirely his doing.

    He may have just underestimated or realised the sort fo commitment needed. Easy fro someone who really does care, less so for someone who is a bit naive and not willing to make an effort.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: November 5, 2016
The home of Results and Clearing

2,135

people online now

1,567,000

students helped last year
Poll
A-level students - how do you feel about your results?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.