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Mom HATES my current boyfriend!!! won't even accept him as my 'friend'.

So here's the deal; I've been in a relationship with my current boyfriend for about two months now (we've been friends for 4), but the problem is my Mom hates him. I was wondering (without having to go into tons of specifics) if any of you guys/girls out there have been in a similiar situation, and what exactly did you do to amend the problem? Thought that I should just add in here, that my Boyfriend does'nt hate my Mother, he merely hate's the way she treat's me...

I'm so torn up about this weird love triangle, I figured asking for help online could'nt hurt :frown:

Thanks.

Reply 1

Wild Thing

11

Erm nope sorry. My mum absolutely loves him and wants us to get married although that will never happen hahaha :biggrin:

Erm just stop bringing him home and tell her you've broken up or somehting until she leaves you alone? You can't really bring him home anyways considering she hates him....

Reply 2

Reue

20

No, dont lie to your own mum! I would recommend stop bringing him over when she is around, but make it clear to her that you really do like this guy and would appreciate it if she could at least be civil towards him.

Reply 3

ßlαcksωαn

17

I'm sorry to say this, but mums usually know best .

Reply 4

silverbolt

19

blackswan

I'm sorry to say this, but mums usually know best .

very often thats true

Reply 5

Hobnob123

Do you know why she hates him?

Reply 6

Talya

16

My mum didn't like my bf but that was ONLY because he was my bf. She has warmed to him now. After 3.5 yrs. Does she only hate him because he is taking her little girl away or does he actually have some major personality flaw?

Reply 7

Wild Thing

11

3.5 years?? I thought it was 4 months... :confused:

Reply 8

bunthulhu

14

Wild Thing

3.5 years?? I thought it was 4 months... :confused:

Are you paying attention?! iTalya is not the OP. :p:

Reply 9

loz_fairy

8

Just keep him around. I don't mean like rub it in her face, but she needs to get used to him being at your house etc.

My mum hates my b/f because of our age difference (he's 33, I'm 19) and the only thing I can do is make sure she sees that we are together and this is not something that is just gonna go away cause she's being nasty about it.

But at the same time, don't rub it in, don't have him sleep over all the time and always at the house or whatever.

good luck with it :smile:

Reply 10

Cherry Kisses

13

sit her down and explain to her that you are so happy with him and feel very content being with him. A good heart to heart always helps :smile:

Reply 11

Leisure17

8

Why doesn't she like him?
I would really recommend asking her. There must be something she feels is not right. This mustn't neccessarily be something you find problematic, but on the other hand she is more detached and might just see something you are not aware of yet.
Example: she could find that you are not paying attention to your feelings and wishes, neglecting your old friends for his sake and not doing the fun things you used to do to please yourself.
She could be seeing that he is manipulating you by putting on pressure, lets say by getting into a huff if things aren't going the way he wants...

Often Mums don't like to see the way the personality of their daughters change to please a man. In the best case this is not neccessary and often things start to balance after a while, but sometimes things get out of hand and a mother seeing "her girl" giving up her personality for a man, may well be opposed to this man.
She will want you to be happy and I guess she thinks that long term happiness is not going to come with this boyfriend.
On the other hand, it is you who has to get along with the boyfriend, not her. But it is difficult to see desaster lurking and to let your daughter walk into it.

Could it be something like this?

Reply 12

Wez

14

To be honest, if I thought someone was banging my daughter I wouldn't like them either.

There's not really much you can do about it. She'll either warm to him on her own accord or she won't. You could possibly change the way she talks to him by having a talk with her, but it's virtually impossible to change the way she feels about him.

Reply 13

need_money

9

My mum and dad hate my bf. They did accept him initially but things happened which made them change their minds and I've been with him now for almost a year and a half and they still wont change their minds about him. Only advice I can give you is to tell your mum she has to like it or lump it and hope that one day she will eventually come around.

Reply 14

AstraeaBeauty

OP

1

Thanks for the replys guys...I guess that I should expand a bit, though.

My Mom is a single Mom (always has been) and I'm an only child, so our relationship is shall I say much more intense than might be normal? I've also always kinda known that she lived through me vicariously (sp?). Anyway, I've never really gotten 'close' to other people (ie :tongue:

eers) and I would say that this is my first 'real' relationship... so I'm almost sure that part of her initial anger at her had to do with the fact that I was now spending the majority of my time with another person, rather than always going out with her.

One of my negative personality trait's, however, is that I often have the problem of becoming so engrossed with one aspect of my life/person/place/thing/etc that I place so much emphasis and energy on that one aspect, that I ultimatly forget about everything else. I'm afraid that this may have occured a little bit, in reference to my boyfriend entering my life. Now, however, that I've realized this I try to avoid falling into the same pattern.

What really (and recently) pushed my Mom over the edge was that I was let-go from work :frown:

. What happened was that I became horribly sick and ended up missing about two weeks of work in the process. When I called one of my managers recently to see about heading back, I was bluntly told that "well because you've been out the past two weeks, well we will no longer be needing you." This came as a HUGE shock to me and I was utterly heart broken beacuse I have worked for the company for 5 years and always loved it! Anyway, Im working to see if I can't get my job back, but in the meantime my Mom blames my boyfriend for me losing the job!

I honestly believe that it may have been his fault a 'tad' bit, only because he did'nt push me to go seek medical attention early enough, and well, because I was living with him at his apartment during all of this due to my Mom kicking me out (over the fact that she did'nt approve of him). Im back living at my Mom's at the moment (boyfriend is out of town visiting family) desperatly trying to repair part of our relationship, but I feel like Im just going in circles whenever we talk. She is convinced he is a user, and wholly responsible for my getting fired! That isn't the end of it, though, she is now telling me how I was stupid for getting involved with someone who was Muslim. To set the record straight! He is not Muslim, (his da was, but passed away before my boyfriend was even 8) he comes from an ethnic background of being half Iranian and half anglo/german. So her putting him down for his enthnicity or physical appearance just piss's me off :mad:

. I have always believed that NO ONE has the right to discriminate on any basis!

So yeah, there you have it. The expanded edition of why my life has suddenly become sooo complicated. Through out all of this my boyfriend/friend is the only one who is trying to remain calm and tells me that everything will eventually work itself out. I cannot tell you how many times he has held me after my Mom brutally yells at me and calls me various names which I shall not repeat.

So any further advice on the matter, or views from an 'observer' would be greatly appreciated as it may shead some light on a matter that maybe I'm not even seeing clearly anymore :confused:

Thanks

Reply 15

sib

1

My parents LOVE my bf! So much so that he's practically family. For me its the other way round... HIS mother hates me! But then I am taking away her little boy... And I do get on with his dad (they're divorced and I knew his dad first etc... v complicated, not sure even I understand...lol)... But he has OCD, so she blames me for that :frown:

but we got through that... And after three years the fact she doesn't like me has taken a backseat to our relationship.

Reply 16

Font

AstraeaBeauty

So here's the deal; I've been in a relationship with my current boyfriend for about two months now (we've been friends for 4), but the problem is my Mom hates him. I was wondering (without having to go into tons of specifics) if any of you guys/girls out there have been in a similiar situation, and what exactly did you do to amend the problem? Thought that I should just add in here, that my Boyfriend does'nt hate my Mother, he merely hate's the way she treat's me...

I'm so torn up about this weird love triangle, I figured asking for help online could'nt hurt :frown:

Thanks.

If she hates him because of his race then ignore her, if she hates him because of his chavvyness, listen to her and dump him,

but...first things first - ask her why she doesn't like him before going to the next step.

Reply 17

Meep!

9

Seeing as my parents are absolutely in love with my bf, I can't really say anything from experience.
BUT, have you tried thinking about/asking her the reasons as to why she regards him as she does? Maybe there's something which you are simply choosing not to notice about him...

Mom HATES my current boyfriend!!! won't even accept him as my 'friend'.

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