Boyfriend likes to make me jealous Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#1
Ok so I should start by saying that I like honesty in a relationship, so if a girl were to try it on with my fella I have no issue with him telling me because hes been truthful and I think thats the best way to be in the relationship.

However, I take issue with comments which are solely to make me jealous and to boost his ego. For example, we were talking about a mutual friend of ours that he met in a club one night. My bf was with a friend, and the mutual friend was with a girl friend. The conversation when he told me about this instance went along these lines:

Bf: I was out with my friend when I saw Girl A out.

Me: Oh really haven't seen her in ages! How was she?

Bf: Yeah my buddy went running over to talk to her (she is quite hot) and so I went with him and we chatted for a bit.

Me: Ah nice!

Bf: Yeah, her blonde friend couldn't stop staring at me. But they both seemed well which was nice.

So that is incident number one. Incident number two was when my boyfriend was on a lads holiday in Ibiza/Magaluf/ one of these sort of places. I should add that I have full trust in my boyfriend and know he wouldn't cheat (bad family experience which has affected him). So we are messaging and I'm asking how the holiday is and if he's having fun etc. He replies - "Yeah having a great time. So funny all the boys are trying to get with the girls here but the girls only want me! I'm like I've got a girlfriend but just funny. Have a good evening xxxx". So I know he said he told the girls I existed but if you are on a lads holiday and you are going to send a message back to your girlfriend do you really choose to tell her about all the girls coming on you?

Bit of background: me and my bf are 21 and have been in a two year relationship. Apart from this, he is a top bloke and has been there for me through thick and thin. I guess I just need to know whether I'm overreacting and these are in fact minor things (I have anxiety) or whether I should call him out on it next time?
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Gavin2016
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#2
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In all honesty the guy could be making it up for all you know. It may be true, most guys will get another girl eye them up at some point. Yeah some guys do have an ego that over the top. Thing with this is though I think he knows that it increases his sense of worth to girls by stating to them he has a girlfriend and to you that all these girls are interested in him. They may be, perhaps partly for the above reason, i.e he knows by showing his in demand he is more likely to be in demand - that he has worth. If it works for him its an easy game to play that always works in his favour. So he's playing you, if he keeps making you jealous he knows this works and you won't get bored of him and go with some other guy, even if your more naturally attracted to another guy than you are in him. He knows what button to push with you to keep you into him.
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Asiangirl_18
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Tbh maybe it is a bit of an over reaction because he did tell u and he did tell those girls on his holiday that he has a gf and isn't interested. But u know what girls can be like when they like a guy. No matter how much he says no theyr so desperate that they will just throw themselves onto any guy. But dw he seems very decent kus he actually told u, he could have hidden it if he had done something to lead them on, but he doesn't seem to be putting u down or anything. Maybe he is just a tad bit too honest. Not that that's bad at all. Guys like that are great to have so dnt let ur anxiety take over
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cupcakes87
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slight overreaction maybe but i can see how its getting to you. i think the best thing you can do is tell him that that is how you feel about these situations and you'd appreciate it if he didn't say those things. other than that, unless you think hes acting upon those things, i wouldn't worry too much.
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Gavin2016
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(Original post by Asiangirl_18)
Tbh maybe it is a bit of an over reaction because he did tell u and he did tell those girls on his holiday that he has a gf and isn't interested. But u know what girls can be like when they like a guy. No matter how much he says no theyr so desperate that they will just throw themselves onto any guy. But dw he seems very decent kus he actually told u, he could have hidden it if he had done something to lead them on, but he doesn't seem to be putting u down or anything. Maybe he is just a tad bit too honest. Not that that's bad at all. Guys like that are great to have so dnt let ur anxiety take over
BS, don't listen to this stuff OP, this is how girls think, HE KNOWS HOW GIRLS THINK, believe me he is playing you, using a cheap trick. He is playing upon your emotions as he unlike other guys has realised at a young age that is where women are vulnerable and easily got. He knows by using the same old technique over & over he comes out shining, don't worship him with the 'he's too honest' rubbish as above, he is using cheap social skills and thinking himself all very clever for doing so no doubt. I'm a guy I've seen these guys play the same b*llocks everytime and everytime the girl ends up thinking his god's gift when he is really isn't all that. Decide whether he is really the guy for you, jealousy aside, if you decide he is then just ignore it every time, don't rise to the bait. He is either the type that cheats or he isn't, if he isn't need not worry, if he is its out of your hands anyway.
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INTERNET-HO
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Aite boom, I don't think you are over exaggerating. You have every right to feel like this. you should call him out and see what he says.
Simple
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Gavin2016)
In all honesty the guy could be making it up for all you know. It may be true, most guys will get another girl eye them up at some point. Yeah some guys do have an ego that over the top. Thing with this is though I think he knows that it increases his sense of worth to girls by stating to them he has a girlfriend and to you that all these girls are interested in him. They may be, perhaps partly for the above reason, i.e he knows by showing his in demand he is more likely to be in demand - that he has worth. If it works for him its an easy game to play that always works in his favour. So he's playing you, if he keeps making you jealous he knows this works and you won't get bored of him and go with some other guy, even if your more naturally attracted to another guy than you are in him. He knows what button to push with you to keep you into him.
That makes sense. I am his first girlfriend but he isn't my first boyfriend, so it could be a case of proving other girls like him like I have proof of two ex-boyfriends if you will. He doesn't know it makes me jealous. Whenever he says these things I don't say anything and just let it slide. I think he does it subconsciously (which is why I haven't called him out on it yet) but I do think you are right.

(Original post by Asiangirl_18)
Tbh maybe it is a bit of an over reaction because he did tell u and he did tell those girls on his holiday that he has a gf and isn't interested. But u know what girls can be like when they like a guy. No matter how much he says no theyr so desperate that they will just throw themselves onto any guy. But dw he seems very decent kus he actually told u, he could have hidden it if he had done something to lead them on, but he doesn't seem to be putting u down or anything. Maybe he is just a tad bit too honest. Not that that's bad at all. Guys like that are great to have so dnt let ur anxiety take over
Thats fair enough. This is why I post on these forums because I know my anxiety affects my perception of reality. True I guess he wouldn't say girls were hitting on him if he was flirting back... I just couldn't understand why he added the 'blonde was staring at me' it added nothing to the story which implies to me he wanted to make me jealous.

(Original post by cupcakes87)
slight overreaction maybe but i can see how its getting to you. i think the best thing you can do is tell him that that is how you feel about these situations and you'd appreciate it if he didn't say those things. other than that, unless you think hes acting upon those things, i wouldn't worry too much.
Thing is is that I like him telling me that a girl hit on him because then I'm not worrying about why he is hiding it, but these comments like 'the blonde was staring at me' add nothing to his story and seem to only have the purpose of making me jealous. Thanks I think you are right.. I don't react because I worry my anxiety is in play.
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Gavin2016
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That makes sense. I am his first girlfriend but he isn't my first boyfriend, so it could be a case of proving other girls like him like I have proof of two ex-boyfriends if you will. He doesn't know it makes me jealous. Whenever he says these things I don't say anything and just let it slide. I think he does it subconsciously (which is why I haven't called him out on it yet) but I do think you are right.
Yeah, whatever you do, don't let him know it makes you jealous, verbally or body language wise, try to keep the same as usual, no unusual silent periods. If he discovers it makes you jealous then you are giving him a powerful hold over you and he'll do it all the more. For sure he is using social proof to try and show you that he is worthy, I very much doubt he has suddenly become a sex bomb after all these years if he is your first girlfriend. He's mates might even be telling him to say it as they may have told him what works with women as they may well use the same technique too.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Gavin2016)
Yeah, whatever you do, don't let him know it makes you jealous, verbally or body language wise, try to keep the same as usual, no unusual silent periods. If he discovers it makes you jealous then you are giving him a powerful hold over you and he'll do it all the more. For sure he is using social proof to try and show you that he is worthy, I very much doubt he has suddenly become a sex bomb after all these years if he is your first girlfriend. He's mates might even be telling him to say it as they may have told him what works with women as they may well use the same technique too.
It may be petty but should I do it back? The only reason I haven't done this is that mine trump his by quite a way, for example, he tells me about a random girl liking him; I would be telling him that my ex messaged me asking to go out for a drink and a 'catch up' in a flirtatious way. You see what I mean? I don't want to make him feel like his position is threatened or jealous.

He is my third boyfriend, I'm his first girlfriend.

Very true! Thanks for all your help
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Gavin2016
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It may be petty but should I do it back? The only reason I haven't done this is that mine trump his by quite a way, for example, he tells me about a random girl liking him; I would be telling him that my ex messaged me asking to go out for a drink and a 'catch up' in a flirtatious way. You see what I mean? I don't want to make him feel like his position is threatened or jealous.

He is my third boyfriend, I'm his first girlfriend.

Very true! Thanks for all your help

Sounds a good idea Not quite what you mention but just say there was an attractive guy when you were... shopping, at lectures, in the park, etc wherever who kept looking at you, or chatted you up, etc made you giggle or something. Nothing to over the top, but be convincing so it doesn't look like an obvious 'doing the same back copying to him'. Maybe a friend has told you of a time they have or when you have encountered interest from a guy in the past, possibly when you met one of your ex's if he doesn't know the story, or just change it a little. See what his reaction is and if he gets jealous. Theoretically no reason why the same can't happen back. Judging by reaction, ramp it up a little if needs be next time. A couple of times should be a good enough indication of how he reacts. Let us know how you get on.
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Asiangirl_18
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He might just be one of those people who add in little details because they like to tell the full story. Sure I'm not a guy so I can't say if he is playing u but from where i am it seems like he is pretty honest and open with you and maybe he just likes to tell extra details. I know I do so there are poeple like that out there. Tbh tho I wouldn't think these incidents carry too much for u to get upset or anxious over because he hasn't blatantly done anything bad. If he carries on however Andy u feel it's getting worse then I would suggest cutting him off because u shud put urself and ur health and happiness in the relationship at the foremost.
Also maybe just talk to him and explain u dnt really like it when he talks about other girls who stare at him or hit on him all the time because it makes u feel uncomfortable etc. Maybe if u talk it through he will realise he is doing something he shudnt be and he may change. Its worth a shot

Whatever u decide to do just make sure ur happy about it 100% because that way u wnt have any regrets and u know ur doing the right thing by urself.
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Betelgeuse-
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Ok so I should start by saying that I like honesty in a relationship, so if a girl were to try it on with my fella I have no issue with him telling me because hes been truthful and I think thats the best way to be in the relationship.

However, I take issue with comments which are solely to make me jealous and to boost his ego. For example, we were talking about a mutual friend of ours that he met in a club one night. My bf was with a friend, and the mutual friend was with a girl friend. The conversation when he told me about this instance went along these lines:

Bf: I was out with my friend when I saw Girl A out.

Me: Oh really haven't seen her in ages! How was she?

Bf: Yeah my buddy went running over to talk to her (she is quite hot) and so I went with him and we chatted for a bit.

Me: Ah nice!

Bf: Yeah, her blonde friend couldn't stop staring at me. But they both seemed well which was nice.

So that is incident number one. Incident number two was when my boyfriend was on a lads holiday in Ibiza/Magaluf/ one of these sort of places. I should add that I have full trust in my boyfriend and know he wouldn't cheat (bad family experience which has affected him). So we are messaging and I'm asking how the holiday is and if he's having fun etc. He replies - "Yeah having a great time. So funny all the boys are trying to get with the girls here but the girls only want me! I'm like I've got a girlfriend but just funny. Have a good evening xxxx". So I know he said he told the girls I existed but if you are on a lads holiday and you are going to send a message back to your girlfriend do you really choose to tell her about all the girls coming on you?

Bit of background: me and my bf are 21 and have been in a two year relationship. Apart from this, he is a top bloke and has been there for me through thick and thin. I guess I just need to know whether I'm overreacting and these are in fact minor things (I have anxiety) or whether I should call him out on it next time?
You are not overreacting. He is insecure and trying to make you insecure thinking that strengthens his postion in your relationship. You need to tell him if he keeps it up, you are walking
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