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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#1
Basically, i have no friends, and to be honest, i don't particularly need many/any. But, it seems to me that, if i'm alone or don't have any friends that means (by societies standard) that i'm some how unhappy. Although, i don't feel that having no friends makes me inherently unhappy, but i think at times, its useful to be acquainted to people... Here's were my problem lies; I'm very socially unaware...i'm awkward, i tend to say what's necessary only, and answer the qs that are being asked, but i don't ever follow up... every time someone would start small talk with me, i would not know how to continue the convo. and so, the person i was talking to would (inevitably) stop talking to me, which means that i can't build any sort of relationship then. Maybe, i do know what to do, and i just choice not to return the questions.....truthfully, its tiring, talking to many people....being updated in their lives...having to adjust yourself according to others...it's too long and tiring...
I think having social skill are important, and "small talk" is can't be avoided, but i don't know how to go about making myself active in creating those kind of relationships...,
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Anonymous #2
#2
Report 2 years ago
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That's interesting. Reminds me of a guy I was speaking to, he asked me, 'how's it going?' and I said 'yes, good, I'm just a little tired'. I was waiting for him to comment back but he just stayed quiet. I just felt awkward and walked away.

I guess just say something, like responding to what I said, 'oh why? did you wake up early today?' or something like that and the conversation will just go on.

This might be harder in school than university though. Are you studying in school or uni?
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Anonymous #1
#3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That's interesting. Reminds me of a guy I was speaking to, he asked me, 'how's it going?' and I said 'yes, good, I'm just a little tired'. I was waiting for him to comment back but he just stayed quiet. I just felt awkward and walked away.

I guess just say something, like responding to what I said, 'oh why? did you wake up early today?' or something like that and the conversation will just go on.

This might be harder in school than university though. Are you studying in school or uni?
I'm at uni now. hm...in my head i'd think that, that would be a good reponse, but then i think to myself, i'm not really all that bothered as to how you were doing, and i just said how are you, as it is the socially accepted thing to do, so id cut the conversation there...
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2384911
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#4
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#4
I always give myself a maximum of 5 friends at any one time and get rid of the ones that cause me trouble
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Anonymous #1
#5
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(Original post by AshEntropy)
I always give myself a maximum of 5 friends at any one time and get rid of the ones that cause me trouble
why 5? and how do you get rid f the others? should i be concerned?
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2384911
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#6
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(Original post by Anonymous)
why 5? and how do you get rid f the others? should i be concerned?
5 close friends in life is just the right amount to handle And lol no, I mean cut them off slowly. Like, drift away from them and cull them off Facebook, etc.
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Anonymous #1
#7
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(Original post by AshEntropy)
5 close friends in life is just the right amount to handle And lol no, I mean cut them off slowly. Like, drift away from them and cull them off Facebook, etc.
oh, i see, good thing i don't have to make any phone calls.... although i wrote i had no friends, i guess i have 1, but i met them online, but even that relationship is mentally tiring for me, i don't know how to explain it, but it is.... i shall forever be a turtle...
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Anonymous #2
#8
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm at uni now. hm...in my head i'd think that, that would be a good reponse, but then i think to myself, i'm not really all that bothered as to how you were doing, and i just said how are you, as it is the socially accepted thing to do, so id cut the conversation there...
Ohh okay, then I don't think you should continue talking further then. There's no point if you don't want to form any friendship with them, just stay how you are. You shouldn't change just because society wants you to.

Like with my part-time work, I don't really make an effort with the people there because I have enough friends and I'm not really interested in making anymore, so I whenever they ask me to go out I don't go. They probably think am anti-social and hate going out but I really do not care because I can't be bothered and they not really the group I would hang out with, so I'm not going to waste my time trying.

I think you should just stay as you are, if you're comfortable. But, just wondering, are you actually truly happy being alone and having no friends to go out and have fun with?
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Anonymous #1
#9
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Ohh okay, then I don't think you should continue talking further then. There's no point if you don't want to form any friendship with them, just stay how you are. You shouldn't change just because society wants you to.

Like with my part-time work, I don't really make an effort with the people there because I have enough friends and I'm not really interested in making anymore, so I whenever they ask me to go out I don't go. They probably think am anti-social and hate going out but I really do not care because I can't be bothered and they not really the group I would hang out with, so I'm not going to waste my time trying.

I think you should just stay as you are, if you're comfortable. But, just wondering, are you actually truly happy being alone and having no friends to go out and have fun with?
hm... i've never really been out with anyone, or had "fun", so i'm not sure what kind of scale i should measure my happiness on, but i don't think i'm unhappy, i'm just comfortable with my self. I've always been by myself since i was younger, so i don't really know what it would feel like to be in the company of others. I guess i have 1 friend, but we're not fully acquainted, and i met her online....so not sure if she counts... But, are you happy being around people, is it not tiring? and if you haven't been alone, can you truly measure your happiness?
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DabThruUni
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#10
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You sound like an introvert and there's nothing wrong with that. I mean you're comfortable by yourself, you just have to be comfortable with the type of person you are. If you don't feel the need to be around anyone and you don't get lonely from it, then why should you have to make friends? Stay as you if if that's how you like it.

But, if you really do want to make friends then you've got to get yourself to be interested in other people. Ask them what they did over the weekend or what's their favourite band. You never know, maybe you just need to find someone who has the same interests as you. That way you'd actually like having a conversation with them. And if you really don't know how to start a convo, all you have to do is walk up to someone and compliment them. Example: you can say "oh hey I love your shoes!" Theywould typically reply with "oh thanks" you can continue by saying "where did you get them from? How much? Blah blah" even if you're not friends by the end of it, it's all cool because it's just about getting used to talking to others I guess
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Anonymous #1
#11
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#11
(Original post by DabThruALevels)
You sound like an introvert and there's nothing wrong with that. I mean you're comfortable by yourself, you just have to be comfortable with the type of person you are. If you don't feel the need to be around anyone and you don't get lonely from it, then why should you have to make friends? Stay as you if if that's how you like it.

But, if you really do want to make friends then you've got to get yourself to be interested in other people. Ask them what they did over the weekend or what's their favourite band. You never know, maybe you just need to find someone who has the same interests as you. That way you'd actually like having a conversation with them. And if you really don't know how to start a convo, all you have to do is walk up to someone and compliment them. Example: you can say "oh hey I love your shoes!" Theywould typically reply with "oh thanks" you can continue by saying "where did you get them from? How much? Blah blah" even if you're not friends by the end of it, it's all cool because it's just about getting used to talking to others I guess
I'm not lonely by just being by myself, but i feel that having a friend(s) is useful. Like in such a closely interlinked society, its will be hard to get by without others, and your right, maybe if i'll find someone who i will actually want to make an effort to talk to. Thanks
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DabThruUni
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#12
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#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm not lonely by just being by myself, but i feel that having a friend(s) is useful. Like in such a closely interlinked society, its will be hard to get by without others, and your right, maybe if i'll find someone who i will actually want to make an effort to talk to. Thanks
No problem. And i understand what you're saying, people do get quite far in life by having loads of links. So i guess in that way it would be good to get to know people. But i guess to actually form a proper long-term friendship, you'll need to be a bit more emotionally attached rather than just having it in your head that you're using them to get further in life. But yeah I'm sure you have loads of people around you who you will genuinely get along with. Just put in that little effort - even if you have to fake it at first.
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