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How to get over someone? watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter

    I mean, people might well guess who I am, but I guess I'll go anon just for the sake of it.

    So I'm sitting here in the middle of the day drinking alone in my room with the blinds shut and ignoring imminent and important uni work, and hence the question comes to me...just how the f**k do I move past this.

    So some background. For a while I've had a very atypical, often dysfunctional relationship with a certain girl. We started talking on Facebook maybe when we were 14/15 or so, so 4/5 years ago. I expressed romantic interest, there was some talk along those lines, some reciprocation, but it didn't go anywhere. Eventually,almost exactly 3 years ago now I believe, she ended up going out with my best mate for a while which essentially killed me; it was certainly one of the worst periods in my life in terms of depression (think I suffer from it mildly but with stuff like this it worsens dramatically); I came fairly close to killing myself on Boxing Day IIRC.

    I didn't get out of this slump until they split up in February 2014 and almost immediately she rebounded to me, and I did not have the self-respect to decline. A few months after that we started actually seeing each other properly more and the ugly beginnings seemed to wane; it was fun and romantic and we were comfortable with each other. She was the year below me, and eventually therefore I ended up going to uni while she was not. She told me she didn't want me to feel held back by her, and that if I wanted to pursue other relationships, I was fine to; I told her that I did not want to, and, indeed, I never did.

    She came over a few times, as she was interested in the same university and came for open days and the like. In April a young family member (twenties), not close but I knew them and had got on with them and liked them and so on, committed suicide. It was a very distressing time when we went down, I have a close-knit extended family (mostly in the same town, we moved from there when I was like five but often went down) and there was widespread and very genuine and acute grief. It got me down, and in May I was not feeling particularly good; I was certainly functioning, in that I was able to revise for exams and stuff, but I was not happy. My girlfriend's 18th birthday was in May; I bought her something but it got lost in the post, and then I forgot to buy a replacement or something else. Well, she essentially flipped on this issue, and said we should be more casual from then on.

    She came over in summer, and, well, we had sex and she seemed to change her mind to some extent. Flash forward to uni time, when she came to the same uni as me. We didn't see each other as much as I hoped, but it was quite nice when we did. We didn't have sex during this period, which seemed to be frustrating her; I'd often go over without much prior planning and didn't tend to have condoms. However she was affectionate and all that. Then last week she suddenly claimed that our relationship had been waning for ages, that I had told her that she could pursue other people if she wished once she came to uni (I may have done; I do not recall) at the time when she said I could do that in uni. I feared that her point was that she was seeing somebody else, so I pressed for a while, and she basically said that I hadn't made enough of an effort to see her more (maybe this is code for sex...) since uni began and that she thought we were becoming more casual, and then finally she hit me with the hammer blow "I'm getting involved with somebody else." That was on Friday. She basically implied we could still be casual with a vague sort of FWB thing (which makes me wonder what exactly is going on with the somebody else) but since then I have, well, destroyed any notion of dignity, and I doubt she will even want to see me in that capacity, though I don't particularly know if I'd like that anyway.

    Cue me trawling through her recently added friends, finding super attractive guys, trying to play "guess the guy who's recently been holding her and sticking his d*ck in her" and essentially feeling like the worst piece of sh*t in the world. I mean, I was with her for years, and the first f*cking offer that comes along, she drops me. Maybe I should have tried harder; hell, it's pretty definite, but it's just an absolute sucker punch. I am a short guy, okay face, though some spots, my body is sort of okay relative to my height, but I do look somewhat young/child-like I believe. I just can't stop f*cking thinking about her being with someone else, that's one issue, and apart from that sickening prospect in itself, there is the absolute self-hatred and terror. I don't know how I'll ever find anyone again. This was a one-off; I'm terrible with people. My uni is a sausage fest, particularly my course and societies. She's there completely unaffected, as if the years meant nothing at all, just shagging someone else, just kissing someone else, laughing with and being affectionate with someone else. It makes me sick. I've been going through vague periods of suicidal ideation over this. I already had low self-esteem with regards to potential careers; now if I don't have a relationship either, I'm worthless. I'm nothing. I don't know what the f*ck to do.

    Hey, no I haven't a clue who you are.
    I'm sorry you are going through a tough time.

    Ot sure sucks what she did, but tell me would you really still honestly want to be in a relationship with her if she did that? Can you see her in your life long-term?

    There is that possibly that she is trying to make you feel jealous, but personally I find that a selfish move.

    Your life is not dependant on a relationship. If she wasn't meant to be then I think this is only to pave a path for someone better in your life.

    Have you seen the GP to help you deal with your depression or a therapist? Do you have anyone you can talk to and just get things off your chest? I think you should consider this.
    If not that, do contact either samitarians (you can stay anon and get advice etc). Also mind.com is quite helpful too.

    You might want to consider a clean break. Do things that make you happy as a person whether it be read books, window shopping, going out fot walks, volunteering for a charity...

    What do you mean by low self esteem with regards to potential careers? Have you a careers advisor/councillor at your school/college/uni?
    • #2

    Hope you feel better soon. I hate that feeling x
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