moving out at 18...

is it unreasonable to want to move out at 18? i mean, my parents said last night that they want me to stay at home until i am 19 (which is january 11th next year), but thinking about it, most of my friends are off to uni this year, and will therefore be leaving home in september. this makes me think that it is reasonable for me to want to leave then too. afterall, if i were going to uni, i would be leaving home in september.
i already have it all planned. i would like to move in with my boyfriend, into his flat. it's what we both want, and i practically live there anyway; i go home, get changed, then go to his from like, 7 til 10, at which point i come home to sleep. i then spend all weekend there with him (friday night until sunday night). i also eat all my meals there and contribute to the food shopping.. i have a full time job, and can easily take care of myself financially.
i know i should talk to my parents about this, but they are adamant that i'm not going anywhere until the new year, but i really don't want to wait that long.

any ideas/advice? cheers.

Reply 1

dh00001

i dont see why not. if youre quite happy to fly the nest then go for it.
you definatly should tell your parents before making plans. tell them in a way that isnt so much a ; im doing this and thats that. way though.
telling them pretty much all that you have here would be good. you could also chuck in the promise of coming back every so often either to stay or just for dinner.

Reply 2

sib

Well, there's surely no point falling out with your parents about it... If you practically live there anyway and are financially capable, then why do they have a problem with it?! They are probably just finding it hard to let go, so talk to them, explain that if you were going to uni, you'd be leaving now anyway, and try and come to an agreement.
good luck!!!
xxxxxxxx

Reply 3

Danny the Geezer

As with the above poster, I don't see why not. You're old enough, seem wise enough and are financially independent, so go for it I say, and good luck... :smile:

Reply 4

louisedotcom

It seems like your parents just dont want to let go, which is understandable.
Waiting until January wouldnt really change anything though, I doubt they would still be completely happy with you going.

If you can take care of yourself financially and feel ready to move out there is no reason why you shouldnt go. Try and get your parents on side as much as possible though as it'll make it alot easier on you all.

Perhaps move out gradually? Spend a few days there and then come home for a day or so, and eventually end up staying there for longer and coming home less often?
Might be a bit of hassle, but could help your parents get used to the idea I suppose.

Reply 5

pumpkin7

i guess it's understandable because i'm an only child, so they have never had to let anyone go before.
it's just getting to the point now where they get on my nerves when i'm at home. when i come home, my mom doesn't leave my room, and tries to keep a conversation going, despite the fact that i'm trying to get ready for bed. i think my dad is much more open to the fact that i'm going to be leaving soon, but my mom isn't.
y mom said last night that they would support me whatever, but i think if i turned round now and said 'i'm leaving..' she wouldn't like it.

i'd prefer to do it now rather than later. it's just delaying the inevitable really. i thikn it's because my aunt moved out when she was 19, and ended up with no money and lost all her friends because she couldn't go out. to be honest, i don't have that many friends anyway.. not that i can't support myself. she's now a very wealthy police woman..! ha.

i just know it will be easier for both me and my boyfriend. at the moment he is struggling to pay the bills, and we are trying to decorate the flat together. if i move in, all his bills would be halved, and make it much easier for him. ergh!

Reply 6

Smiler_uk

I guess i'm lucky with my parents because I moved out to live with my boyfriend at 17. I have been living with him now for 6 months, and things are great! I'm a student, and I have a part-time job as a waitress doing a few hours a week, so that is enough to help with the food bills etc. I sympathise with you entirely...I stayed more and more time round my boyfriend's until I thought it would be more practical to move in!

The only advice I can really give you is to get your parents to trust and like your boyfriend. That's exactly what I had to do. I invited him over for dinner, got him talking to my parents, got him to invite my family over to his, got him to cook meals for them always help out, etc and luckily they love him, and really trust him, and know he'll ALWAYS take care of me. It took a lot of time, and believe me, it was a big step my mum letting me move out! My parents also really trust me too, and know that i'll always work hard, and nothing will affect that (which they knew anyway, given things that have happened to me in the past).

I think my parents realized that I was happier when I stayed over there, and in actual fact, my work improved, so I did well at my ASs!! It was also more practical for me staying over there, as it saved me carting my bags over there at weekends, once a week, and back again! So you have to also show your parents how responsible you are, and how happy you are with him, and how you really want to be together.

It also depends on how "sturdy" your relationship is I think. I was with my boyfriend a year before I moved out of home, and in that time, we had never had any serious arguments at all. We both felt it was definitely the right thing to do. You have to show that to your parents. Moving in is a big step in a relationship and you have to be sure its the right thing to do, and you have to show that to your parents. You have to show your parents how serious you are about your boyfriend, and how you will behave responsibly etc (which you seem to be doing already, paying for bills etc, so that shouldn't be a problem!!)

I hope this has helped you, as this is what i've learnt from my situation! But basically, show your parents how you'll behvae responsibly, and get them to know your boyfriend--and like him. If they are happy with your boyfriend, and know you're happy with him, then it shoudn't be too much of a problem (especially as you're 18, and your friends go off to uni at that age as you say!)

It isn't like your moving out to go to uni-you're moving out to live with someone else and that is different. It is natural for parents to be protective of their children under these circumstances, so even though they may not say "yes" at first--give it time.

I hope this as helped xx

Reply 7

lea164

I think its quite reasonable to move out at 18, I'm looking for a job at the mo so I can do the same thing.

My advice would be that when it does actually come to it and you move out keep in as much contact with you're parents as possible as they are probably worried about losing their 'little girl', so just keep reassuring them that you will visit and they are welcome to see you. Also show them that you have thought this through and how you will divide the bills etc, and are financially and emotionally capable of making this decision.

Reply 8

pumpkin7

keeping in contact with them won't be a problem. i know my mom will be on the phone every night to me, and always inviting me and my boyfriend round for food.
they already love my boyfriend, even if he is a bit quiet around them currently.
they also know i'm very sensible for my age. i have to be to be with a 27 year old! we've already brought some stuff together anyway, like a new tv, and we are both paying for decorating the flat, so they know we're being sensible with the bills too.
and smiler, that's all really helpful info, thanks! i'll take it on board.

Reply 9

username47781

I'm 25 and I can't afford to move out, I would if I could. Up to you, it is a big step but if that's what you want then don't let your parents guilt tripping you stop you from moving.

Reply 10

Music_Enthusiast

My bro moved out with his gf at 20. They split up and he ended up moving back in with my dad. Its not such a bad thing tho, he probably learnt a lot from the experience.

Reply 11

randomgirl

If you feel you are ready to move out and you are financially secure, go for it.

Plus, do you have a lot of confidence in the longevity of your relationship? Do you see your relationship with your boyfriend lasting?

:smile:

Reply 12

Kyle_S-C

Parents are always worried about people moving out. I moved out for a gap year when I was 17 and lived in a shared house with two other people, one of them later became my girlfriend. If you feel you're financially secure then it's definitely a positive when it comes to being prepared, but I found the biggest problem to be how tiring it is to work full time, travel to and from work and keep on top of housework and such. If you feel you're ready though and your relationship is extremely solid (it's unpleasant to live with people you fall out with, I fell out with the other friend I was living with), then try it.

Reply 13

Zoecb

Sounds like a reasonable plan! Once you're out of full time education, moving out and being independent from your parents should be most people's primary goal! So it's good that you're not slacking and lazing around your parents' house scrounging! Lol.

Reply 14

username47781

Zoecb

Sounds easy but it ain't you got to find a job first and house prices today....

Reply 15

Zoecb

Of course it doesn't sound easy, it's one of the hardest things you'll ever do in life.

Moving into someone else's already established dwelling however, is much more straightforward.

Reply 16

JessicaWessica

It's not unreasonable, but many people underestimate the total cost of living, bills etc. Stupid things you don't even think about or take for granted at home suddenly become the things you are working to earn money for....

Reply 17

40550

^Yeah. If you have the financial ability and its what you want, do it. I agree with that stuff about keeping in constant contact with your rents, to reassure them basically.