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Possible Sexual Assault? watch

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    Something happened to my friend the other night and I've been thinking about it a lot and i'm failing to come to a conclusion about the situation. This is told in her narritive.
    There is this guy that I've seen on a couple of occasions and invited him over to my house for film nights and nothing else. Each time he came, we kissed but that was it and although he asked on every of those occasions if we could have sex or do more, l always said no and made up an excuses each time as I was too embarrassed to tell him why. I was in fact a virgin and at university at the age of 19 where everyone is having sex but you, its an embarrassing thing for me to admit.
    Before I explain the rest of the story, let me just point out that this guy does not drink at all and had never drank a drop of alcohol in his entire life.
    So a couple of nights ago, l went out with some friends and I got very drunk. I bumped into him at the club and he pulled me away from my friends and l was with him for about 30 minutes. he was encouraging me to finish the alcoholic drink I had at the time even though I was planning on putting it down, l downed the drink nonetheless.
    I asked him to come back to mine and he offered to drive us since he brought his car to the club. I took the offer and when we got to mine, we made out and I remember both of us taking our clothes off and a lot of things are blurry from then on but I do remember him asking if we could do other things and me saying no and when he asked why, I clearly said it was because I was too drunk. then I remember him penetrating me and me telling him to stop after a minute ad l think he did a minute later.
    the next day, he woke up being rather shady and left quickly which I thought was really strange but I didn't pay much attention to it because I was very hungover. When I got out of bed, that's when I felt incredible pain down there and saw spots of blood.
    I'm not interested in reporting it or anything nor am I deeply traumatised by the experience but I have cut the guy off and no longer consider him to be a decent bloke.
    I am interested to hear what you guys think. I don't think it was rape but my biggest issue with the whole situation is that he was completely sober and I was very drunk. I had said no on all the previous occasions so why would he think I wanted to have sex with him when I was drunk?
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    (Original post by Caroline1995)
    Something happened to my friend the other night and I've been thinking about it a lot and i'm failing to come to a conclusion about the situation. This is told in her narritive.
    There is this guy that I've seen on a couple of occasions and invited him over to my house for film nights and nothing else. Each time he came, we kissed but that was it and although he asked on every of those occasions if we could have sex or do more, l always said no and made up an excuses each time as I was too embarrassed to tell him why. I was in fact a virgin and at university at the age of 19 where everyone is having sex but you, its an embarrassing thing for me to admit.
    Before I explain the rest of the story, let me just point out that this guy does not drink at all and had never drank a drop of alcohol in his entire life.
    So a couple of nights ago, l went out with some friends and I got very drunk. I bumped into him at the club and he pulled me away from my friends and l was with him for about 30 minutes. he was encouraging me to finish the alcoholic drink I had at the time even though I was planning on putting it down, l downed the drink nonetheless.
    I asked him to come back to mine and he offered to drive us since he brought his car to the club. I took the offer and when we got to mine, we made out and I remember both of us taking our clothes off and a lot of things are blurry from then on but I do remember him asking if we could do other things and me saying no and when he asked why, I clearly said it was because I was too drunk. then I remember him penetrating me and me telling him to stop after a minute ad l think he did a minute later.
    the next day, he woke up being rather shady and left quickly which I thought was really strange but I didn't pay much attention to it because I was very hungover. When I got out of bed, that's when I felt incredible pain down there and saw spots of blood.
    I'm not interested in reporting it or anything nor am I deeply traumatised by the experience but I have cut the guy off and no longer consider him to be a decent bloke.
    I am interested to hear what you guys think. I don't think it was rape but my biggest issue with the whole situation is that he was completely sober and I was very drunk. I had said no on all the previous occasions so why would he think I wanted to have sex with him when I was drunk?
    I don't want to put my opinion across here- however having sex with someone under the influence of alcohol is considered rape by law due to the fact that consent cannot be given when in that frame of mind.
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    That would be classed as rape as clearly no consent was given, despite whether she was traumatised by the experience or not. This man was obviously trying to take advantage of her by getting her drunk, as he was not drinking himself. An event of this nature should really be reported to the police, so this man doesn't act in the same way with another girl.
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    Really? Is this question serious?

    "He asked if we could have sex, I said no. He then penetrated me. I asked him to stop and a minute later he did."

    Read what you've just written and ask yourself if it's sexual assault.
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    (Original post by Tictok)
    I don't want to put my opinion across here- however having sex with someone under the influence of alcohol is considered rape by law due to the fact that consent cannot be given when in that frame of mind.
    Wholly incorrect. You can have a few drinks and have sex. It may be illegal when the other person is intoxicated and can't consent (big difference from being under the influence).
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    (Original post by pmc:producer)
    Wholly incorrect. You can have a few drinks and have sex. It may be illegal when the other person is intoxicated and can't consent (big difference from being under the influence).
    Don't stray from the thread though. This isn't about debating the issue of intoxication and consent in general, but about the OPs specific case.

    And sounds like clear rape to me. Can't be more clear than saying no.
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    (Original post by Twinpeaks)
    Don't stray from the thread though. This isn't about debating the issue of intoxication and consent in general, but about the OPs specific case.

    And sounds like clear rape to me. Can't be more clear than saying no.
    Clear rape - agreed. And more fact checking than straying before some poor guy reads this and refuses to be intimate with his girlfriend this christmas incase there's brandy in her Christmas Pudding sauce! That said, point taken.
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    He raped you, plain and simple.
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    It's clearly rape, no ifs or buts. He's deliberately targeting girls who have had a drink and encouraging them to drink more with the intention of having sex with them.

    Your friends owes it to herself - and others he could target in the future - to go to the police.
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    (Original post by pmc:producer)
    Wholly incorrect. You can have a few drinks and have sex. It may be illegal when the other person is intoxicated and can't consent (big difference from being under the influence).
    Well- if you want to try and say otherwise, that's fine, however where I come from not being able to remember what happened is classed as being intoxicated.
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    (Original post by Tictok)
    Well- if you want to try and say otherwise, that's fine, however where I come from not being able to remember what happened is classed as being intoxicated.
    Exactly. And intoxicated is different from being 'under the influence'.
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    (Original post by pmc:producer)
    Exactly. And intoxicated is different from being 'under the influence'.
    Right?
    But she couldn't remember what happened. She was drunk and this guy took advantage of her.
    It doesn't matter how you put it- it was rape- if you say otherwise you're probably one of the people who do this type of stuff
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    (Original post by Tictok)
    Right?
    But she couldn't remember what happened. She was drunk and this guy took advantage of her.
    It doesn't matter how you put it- it was rape- if you say otherwise you're probably one of the people who do this type of stuff
    I'd suggest you read my posts... Particularly the ones that state this is clear rape. Otherwise comments like you're making become invalid and look very stupid very quickly.

    And in this instance the girl was intoxicated, not 'under the influence of alcohol', again - two different things. I'm highlighting this for the benefit of people reading this - because people like you confuse the situation with lies and incoherent statements.

    Can't remember/intoxicated - yes, rape.

    Few beers/under the influence - not 'illegal' as you make out, and isn't rape on the basis of being unable to answer - instead it's rape if the under the influence person says no - which they will be in a fit state to do.

    This can't be made any clearer. I hope I've made it as simple as I think I have for you to understand.
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    (Original post by pmc:producer)
    I'd suggest you read my posts... Particularly the ones that state this is clear rape. Otherwise comments like you're making become invalid and look very stupid very quickly.

    And in this instance the girl was intoxicated, not 'under the influence of alcohol', again - two different things. I'm highlighting this for the benefit of people reading this - because people like you confuse the situation with lies and incoherent statements.

    Can't remember/intoxicated - yes, rape.

    Few beers/under the influence - not 'illegal' as you make out, and isn't rape on the basis of being unable to answer - instead it's rape if the under the influence person says no - which they will be in a fit state to do.

    This can't be made any clearer. I hope I've made it as simple as I think I have for you to understand.

    So I meant intoxicated and not under the influence- I apologise. Can we all calm down now please?
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    (Original post by Tictok)
    So I meant intoxicated and not under the influence- I apologise. Can we all calm down now please?
    Quite calm here. Don't imply I'm a rapist again thanks.
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    I don't, I said if you say that it wasn't rape- you're most likely the type of person to attempt it. (Of course some people just don't understand)
    However as you said yourself, it was rape.
    Anyway, I think the OP knows how they stand now and I apologise again for any confusion.
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    (Original post by Caroline1995)
    Something happened to my friend the other night and I've been thinking about it a lot and i'm failing to come to a conclusion about the situation. This is told in her narritive.
    There is this guy that I've seen on a couple of occasions and invited him over to my house for film nights and nothing else. Each time he came, we kissed but that was it and although he asked on every of those occasions if we could have sex or do more, l always said no and made up an excuses each time as I was too embarrassed to tell him why. I was in fact a virgin and at university at the age of 19 where everyone is having sex but you, its an embarrassing thing for me to admit.
    Before I explain the rest of the story, let me just point out that this guy does not drink at all and had never drank a drop of alcohol in his entire life.
    So a couple of nights ago, l went out with some friends and I got very drunk. I bumped into him at the club and he pulled me away from my friends and l was with him for about 30 minutes. he was encouraging me to finish the alcoholic drink I had at the time even though I was planning on putting it down, l downed the drink nonetheless.
    I asked him to come back to mine and he offered to drive us since he brought his car to the club. I took the offer and when we got to mine, we made out and I remember both of us taking our clothes off and a lot of things are blurry from then on but I do remember him asking if we could do other things and me saying no and when he asked why, I clearly said it was because I was too drunk. then I remember him penetrating me and me telling him to stop after a minute ad l think he did a minute later.
    the next day, he woke up being rather shady and left quickly which I thought was really strange but I didn't pay much attention to it because I was very hungover. When I got out of bed, that's when I felt incredible pain down there and saw spots of blood.
    I'm not interested in reporting it or anything nor am I deeply traumatised by the experience but I have cut the guy off and no longer consider him to be a decent bloke.
    I am interested to hear what you guys think. I don't think it was rape but my biggest issue with the whole situation is that he was completely sober and I was very drunk. I had said no on all the previous occasions so why would he think I wanted to have sex with him when I was drunk?
    Sorry to hear about your experience, hope you are ok. Report it to the police, as it was rape.
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    (Original post by pmc:producer)
    Clear rape - agreed. And more fact checking than straying before some poor guy reads this and refuses to be intimate with his girlfriend this christmas incase there's brandy in her Christmas Pudding sauce! That said, point taken.
    I completely agree with where you're coming from. But I just feel that such a debate on a thread regarding a real rape incident may dissuade what is highly likely a genuine rape victim, from coming forward. Victims of sexual assault are already shrouded in self-doubt, self-blame, and the thought of reporting the crime is an uncomfortable one to say the least.

    So I think I'd rather face the possibility of an overly- literal individual being overly pre-cautious regarding alcohol and consent, than a genuine victim of rape being discouraged from coming forward, and a perpetrator repeating their actions due to lack of prior consequence.
 
 
 
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