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I struggle so much in close friendships watch

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    I've just started uni and I've become a lot closer to already close friends during my first year. Throughout highschool i struggled so much to make friendships at all... i always saw everyone as "out to get me" - like they were just there to hurt me. so i didn't make friends. it was a "coping mechanism" to not make friends.

    I literally cannot cope with my closest friend. As a friend I love her so much. but it's like my head wants me to end the friendship i have with her. both of us have come to each other about mental health issues etc and we've always talked through them. she's often called me her best friend but i feel so ****. it's like my head keeps telling me that she can't stand me, that all i'm doing is annoying her, that i'm a bad force in her life and that i should just leave the friendship and i honestly don't know why. So I make plans to "become less close" to her because i feel like i care too much about what she thinks. but then she'll talk to me and i'll feel so stupid for doubting anything. I've never had a friendship so close in my life and i don't know why i'm trying to wreck it all. maybe it's a trust and confidence issue? not with her - i mean in general. I've always really struggled to feel confident in myself and that i'm worth something to someone. i know i am to many people but i don't "believe" it in a way.

    has anyone else been through anything like this? any help would be appreciated.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've just started uni and I've become a lot closer to already close friends during my first year. Throughout highschool i struggled so much to make friendships at all... i always saw everyone as "out to get me" - like they were just there to hurt me. so i didn't make friends. it was a "coping mechanism" to not make friends.

    I literally cannot cope with my closest friend. As a friend I love her so much. but it's like my head wants me to end the friendship i have with her. both of us have come to each other about mental health issues etc and we've always talked through them. she's often called me her best friend but i feel so ****. it's like my head keeps telling me that she can't stand me, that all i'm doing is annoying her, that i'm a bad force in her life and that i should just leave the friendship and i honestly don't know why. So I make plans to "become less close" to her because i feel like i care too much about what she thinks. but then she'll talk to me and i'll feel so stupid for doubting anything. I've never had a friendship so close in my life and i don't know why i'm trying to wreck it all. maybe it's a trust and confidence issue? not with her - i mean in general. I've always really struggled to feel confident in myself and that i'm worth something to someone. i know i am to many people but i don't "believe" it in a way.

    has anyone else been through anything like this? any help would be appreciated.
    Maybe do this (it's a bit cruel but...):
    1) Try and create more distance between you two, and make sure to not give any signs of distress, making sure to look like you're happy (because if you're sad, she'll, as a friend, come to comfort you anyway, giving false results)
    2) If you really do mean something to her, she'll still talk to you and you can confirm you're not indeed a bad influence on her.
    3) If number 2 does indeed happen, then try your hardest to figure out why you've been feeling what you've been feeling. Else, you might feel a bit unsatisfied.
    4) In fact, spilling the beans to her in a friendly way about your feelings might be a good option.
 
 
 
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