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Is my mental illness a 'turn off'? watch

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    I suffer massively from anxiety and depression and also have bouts of anger issues.
    I have never had a relationship and whenever I start speaking to someone in that way they tend to leave once I reveal that part of me.
    Is it too much for people to handle? Would they rather a mentally stable but bland person?
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    I think you should prepared to accept the reality that it will inevitably make any relationship or friendship you have more difficult, because other people feel the consequences of your illness as well.

    I don't think 'turn off' is the right word, but like with many, many things that could happen to people (e.g. not very good looking, very arrogant, very reclusive) it will hinder your chances with certain people when trying to date them.

    Though, and although I really hate how often this quote is used out of context, I would follow the: 'If you can't handle me at my worse, you don't deserve me at my best' advice.
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    I agree with the person above. I wouldn't call it a turn off but obviously it is a negative in the cost-benefit analysis.

    A lot of people will think they have enough problems of their own, without taking on more issues. People may not want to deal with it.

    It's the same as, for example, people in a wheelchair. There are many nice disabled people but there are also many nice able bodied people. Most people would rather go for someone able bodied because it makes life easier.
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    For the right person, your mental illnesses won't be a dealbreaker when it comes to relationships or friendships. I'm sure people would rather date someone who had no illnesses, mental or physical, but life isn't black and white and a lot more people now are accepting of people's conditions and see the actual person, not the problem. We all come with some kind of baggage and for some of us it's our mental health.

    I suffer badly from several mental and physical conditions and on paper, I would seem undateable and not worth the hassle but I've been with my partner for nearly eight years and getting married next year so there is hope and there's nothing stopping you from finding love and friendships.

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    (Original post by Spock's Socks)
    For the right person, your mental illnesses won't be a dealbreaker when it comes to relationships or friendships. I'm sure people would rather date someone who had no illnesses, mental or physical, but life isn't black and white and a lot more people now are accepting of people's conditions and see the actual person, not the problem. We all come with some kind of baggage and for some of us it's our mental health.

    I suffer badly from several mental and physical conditions and on paper, I would seem undateable and not worth the hassle but I've been with my partner for nearly eight years and getting married next year so there is hope and there's nothing stopping you from finding love and friendships.

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    Well said My GF is bipolar and it didnt turn me off. Although she is getting support, I would recommend this even if u dont want a partner.
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    Tbh dating someone with a Mental Illness doesn't bother me at all.
    I have Anxiety and Depression myself and also get a outs of anger so I know what you're going through. I don't see it as a turn off at all, and in all reality, I'd rather date someone with a Mental Illness. I don't quite know why, but it appeals more to me.

    Unfortunately people are so disrespectful nowadays. Not everyone is, so,e just really can't handle Mental Illnesses and that's why they back out, but some just can't be bothered to support you. So if anything it's good that you're not with them as it wouldn't have worked out. You're better off with someone who will support you through whatever you're going through!

    So the right person will come along, just that because of your illnesses, it will be a bit harder to find them. But once you have, they will be a true gentleman
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    Who knows what lurks in someone's unconscious once the honeymoon period is over. That's when you start to appreciate what kind of person you are with. What you have is part of you. For the right person it's good enough and you will both make it work.

    I wouldn't go as far as saying that mentally stable people are bland, but there are people out there who will accept you the way you are.
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    I think you're making a unwarranted connexion between 'mentally stable' and 'bland'. The opposite of 'not-bland' is not 'crazy'.

    I'm afraid, however you slice it, "anxiety and depression and also have bouts of anger issues' is not exactly a winning sales pitch. A lot of people would be put off by this, and totally understandably. It might not sound fair, but life isn't.
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    (Original post by FireFreezer77)
    Tbh dating someone with a Mental Illness doesn't bother me at all.
    I have Anxiety and Depression myself and also get a outs of anger so I know what you're going through. I don't see it as a turn off at all, and in all reality, I'd rather date someone with a Mental Illness. I don't quite know why, but it appeals more to me.

    Unfortunately people are so disrespectful nowadays. Not everyone is, so,e just really can't handle Mental Illnesses and that's why they back out, but some just can't be bothered to support you. So if anything it's good that you're not with them as it wouldn't have worked out. You're better off with someone who will support you through whatever you're going through!

    So the right person will come along, just that because of your illnesses, it will be a bit harder to find them. But once you have, they will be a true gentleman
    I do have to take issue with this. Surely it's not a case of 'some can't be bothered'. Some people, the majority I'd suggest, just don't want to. Similarly, some people don't want a relationship based on 'supporting you on whatever you're going through' - Why is this a bad thing?

    Some people don't want to go out with fatties, or short people, or disabled people just because they don't find that attractive or want that in a partner. So why does mental illness end up being in some special category, and if you say you don't want to date someone with mental health problems you're somehow disrespectful or uncaring? Relationships don't have to resemble some sort of support group or patient-counsellor dynamic to be valid.

    This isn't to denigrate those who suffer from mental illnesses. But I think you're being unfair to the majority of people whose mental health is fine and who just don't want to have a relationship with someone with those sort of problems.
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    (Original post by Reality Check)
    I do have to take issue with this. Surely it's not a case of 'some can't be bothered'. Some people, the majority I'd suggest, just don't want to. Similarly, some people don't want a relationship based on 'supporting you on whatever you're going through' - Why is this a bad thing?

    Some people don't want to go out with fatties, or short people, or disabled people just because they don't find that attractive or want that in a partner. So why does mental illness end up being in some special category, and if you say you don't want to date someone with mental health problems you're somehow disrespectful or uncaring? Relationships don't have to resemble some sort of support group or patient-counsellor dynamic to be valid.

    This isn't to denigrate those who suffer from mental illnesses. But I think you're being unfair to the majority of people whose mental health is fine and who just don't want to have a relationship with someone with those sort of problems.
    If you want to think that then go ahead. In not going to argue with you.
    Im not in the mood
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    (Original post by FireFreezer77)
    Tbh dating someone with a Mental Illness doesn't bother me at all.
    I have Anxiety and Depression myself and also get a outs of anger so I know what you're going through. I don't see it as a turn off at all, and in all reality, I'd rather date someone with a Mental Illness. I don't quite know why, but it appeals more to me.

    Unfortunately people are so disrespectful nowadays. Not everyone is, so,e just really can't handle Mental Illnesses and that's why they back out, but some just can't be bothered to support you. So if anything it's good that you're not with them as it wouldn't have worked out. You're better off with someone who will support you through whatever you're going through!

    So the right person will come along, just that because of your illnesses, it will be a bit harder to find them. But once you have, they will be a true gentleman
    I totally agree with the preferring someone with a mental illness. For me, it's because I know they'll take mine seriously. Perhaps that's why you do too
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I suffer massively from anxiety and depression and also have bouts of anger issues.
    I have never had a relationship and whenever I start speaking to someone in that way they tend to leave once I reveal that part of me.
    Is it too much for people to handle? Would they rather a mentally stable but bland person?
    Its three additional things that will impact any relationship you expect to have with a partner. Are you male or female?

    The least difficult one to deal with is anxiety imo, then depression and last the anger.

    If you have plenty of other positives about you, then they might outweigh these impediments. Naje sure you are getting help with all three. Someone is going to look more positively at someone helping themselves.

    At some stage they might weigh things up again and decides overall its not worth continuing or they will feel the positives outweigh the drawbacks and will carry on.

    I think you miss the third choice in having someone they are interested in who is also mentally stable.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Its three additional things that will impact any relationship you expect to have with a partner. Are you male or female?

    The least difficult one to deal with is anxiety imo, then depression and last the anger.

    If you have plenty of other positives about you, then they might outweigh these impediments. Naje sure you are getting help with all three. Someone is going to look more positively at someone helping themselves.

    At some stage they might weigh things up again and decides overall its not worth continuing or they will feel the positives outweigh the drawbacks and will carry on.

    I think you miss the third choice in having someone they are interested in who is also mentally stable.
    I'm female, take medication for it and am on a waiting list for CBT so yes I'm getting help (or trying to).
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm female, take medication for it and am on a waiting list for CBT so yes I'm getting help (or trying to).
    The one that concerns me is anger as thats the one that could get most out of control. Its more dangerous in boys imo, but each case is individual. People have enough problem coping with a normal person without impediment, so mental illness is an additional issue that has to be deal with.

    That is not to rule yourself out, but people want a partner rather than to become someones nurse or carer. many people just arent equipped for it.

    I wouldnt lose hope though.

    If I were you my strategy would be:

    1. Learn about your illness.
    2. Get help.
    3. Stabilise with help abd developing coping strategies. CBT will help with this
    4. Therapy will help you understand your situation and you can plan round that.
    5. In short bursts you can probably develop relationships without being impeded and gradually build up confidence that will counter the anxiety and depression
    6. Dont tell your dat straight off about your issues as that may scare them. Only tell them gently if you feel they can deal with the knowledge and when you trust them. By that time they should know more about you and see theres a lot more to you.
    7. People get better and learn to cope with anxiety and depression, so you can definitely hellp yourself.
    8. Some people will be able to handle it, will accept and support you with your situation, but not all.
    9. Work on your confidence and all the other things can slot into place.
    Maybe try voluntray work, the gym, self defence or any classes that interest you.
    10. Keep the faith and ralise its something you can work though and get better from. Hang in there.
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    It can make things harder, but it doesn't make you 'undateable' by any stretch of the imagination. If anything, it at least means you see a different side of each other and hope you cope with different problems. This can bring people closer in a way. So finding someone might be harder, but I'd say once you have it makes things all the better if you can find a way of doing them that works. Don't let it get between you or make everything have to be about that though- you're both human, you both need help sometimes and neither of you is perfect. A little thought and understanding can go a long way.


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    I don't think I could date someone who doesn't have some form of mental illness, it's just weird in 2016.
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    It may be more difficult to find and maintain, but it certainly doesn't stop you from having a healthy relationship
 
 
 
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