Having lots of arguements at home with mum Watch

Anonymous #1
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I'm 17 and in my second year of a levels. My parents and I have argued about random things for quite a few years now.

Like starting when I turned 16 my mum got really angry that I didn't have a part time job. I'm a very anxious and socially awkward person so any time I had an interview it generally didn't go well and for the entire time I was trying my mum was telling me off and shouting because I hadn't gotten a job yet and clearly wasn't trying enough. she wasn't helping me at all with the process which made it even harder.
She's very quick to telling me I'm wrong and always makes me feel like I'm not good enough and blames me for everything. I often feel ignored, I tell my parents something and at most I get a "that's nice" in response. My mother spends more time on the phone one person in one evening than I get a month. She keeps telling me she can't wait for me to leave or a few times nearly kicking me out. Although this is nothing new as I remember being about 8 and her threatening to leave me by the side of the road a few minutes from our house if i didn't behave. Needless to say I shut up at that's point. I know I'm not blameless I'm very stubborn and have almost opposite political views to her. The problem is that she is perhaps more stubborn than me, to the point where she will be the one to start an arguement unnecessarily.
And my dad is just generally an angry person, he gets up in my face and shouts and grabs my arm or something when he is angry. I have little respect for him left as despite my asking for him to keep his distance when he is angry (as he is both bigger and stronger than me) he still continues as if I had said nothing.
In addition I am the eldest of four and my sister is two years younger yet everything that ever goes wrong is blamed on me. And while I am older my sister gets away blame free for things that if I had done I might as well be killed. Two years really isn't enough to justify me being the only one seen as accountable for anything.


So yeah basically any advice in improving this siruation would be great
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shawn_o1
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#2
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You can only be socially awkward for so long. You're at an age where it is imperative that you start impressing employers. Or you may have a business idea that you think will pay off long term. Basically, you're at the "earn money or else" stage of your life.
You may think your mum hasn't been nice to you but do you ever stop to think how much longer can she actually raise four kids? In tough economic times especially after Brexit there can be no excuse to sit on one's backside and do nothing.
If you don't really have any ideas, just the minimum wage warehouse or cleaning job will do, they'll need people like you to take the place of those that the Brexit voters want to shut out.
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Claire461
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I wonder what your parents' version of events would be? The number of threads here blaming parents for everything is astonishing.
So, she nearly Kicked you out - but she didn't.
Do you know why your mother is this way with you?
My 7 used to go out on the weekend and clean cars round where we lived. It wasn't about money, it was more about independence.
And I've lost count of the number of times I heard "I get the blame for everything".
It isn't that I don't think you e got a grievance against your mother, but you should try to see it from her perspective and not just your own. No-one has perfect parents, and no-one's children are perfect. Remember that when you are an adult and how the pressures of being a parent are no less real than the pressures are experiencing. X
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm 17 and in my second year of a levels. My parents and I have argued about random things for quite a few years now.

Like starting when I turned 16 my mum got really angry that I didn't have a part time job. I'm a very anxious and socially awkward person so any time I had an interview it generally didn't go well and for the entire time I was trying my mum was telling me off and shouting because I hadn't gotten a job yet and clearly wasn't trying enough. she wasn't helping me at all with the process which made it even harder.
She's very quick to telling me I'm wrong and always makes me feel like I'm not good enough and blames me for everything. I often feel ignored, I tell my parents something and at most I get a "that's nice" in response. My mother spends more time on the phone one person in one evening than I get a month. She keeps telling me she can't wait for me to leave or a few times nearly kicking me out. Although this is nothing new as I remember being about 8 and her threatening to leave me by the side of the road a few minutes from our house if i didn't behave. Needless to say I shut up at that's point. I know I'm not blameless I'm very stubborn and have almost opposite political views to her. The problem is that she is perhaps more stubborn than me, to the point where she will be the one to start an arguement unnecessarily.
And my dad is just generally an angry person, he gets up in my face and shouts and grabs my arm or something when he is angry. I have little respect for him left as despite my asking for him to keep his distance when he is angry (as he is both bigger and stronger than me) he still continues as if I had said nothing.
In addition I am the eldest of four and my sister is two years younger yet everything that ever goes wrong is blamed on me. And while I am older my sister gets away blame free for things that if I had done I might as well be killed. Two years really isn't enough to justify me being the only one seen as accountable for anything.


So yeah basically any advice in improving this siruation would be great
My mum does the same to me but she always calls me dumb and brings up things I have done in the past to make me seem like a horrible person.

The thing is my mum has a perception of me that differs from how I actually am. So, instead of me conforming to the things my mum says or does to me, I focus on being someone better than that. Like the grades I'm getting this year would honestly shock my mum and my siblings altogether.

I suggest you prove your mum wrong. I feel the same way when my mum honestly infuriates me but I need to take account of how much she sacrificed.

Trust I get so annoyed, which leads me to shout, when my mum says random crap but I am learning how to control it.

I know it must be hard, it was the same for me and still is the same. But, I hope your mum's perception of you changes and everything works out fine!
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Zarek
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I think some family tension and angst is common. I reckon many families have unpleasant altercations that outsiders would be surprised by. So the building block of society idealistic view of family life is only partly true. Perhaps it's time to fly the nest, if there is an opportunity to do this. My only other thoughts are to try to talk through how you're feeling with your Mum at the right moment or perhaps a young persons counselor could help. If you find someone on your wavelength it can really help talking things through. I think you're doing the right thing with your Dad, telling him to back off, physical intimidation is never good.
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OfficialChemist
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Sometimes people don't know what they have until it's gone. Move out for uni, and see if your parents start missing you. In the end - family is family - they were responsible for bringing you into this life. So don't do anything radical.
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Rustin
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(Original post by shawn_o1)
You can only be socially awkward for so long. You're at an age where it is imperative that you start impressing employers. Or you may have a business idea that you think will pay off long term. Basically, you're at the "earn money or else" stage of your life.
You may think your mum hasn't been nice to you but do you ever stop to think how much longer can she actually raise four kids? In tough economic times especially after Brexit there can be no excuse to sit on one's backside and do nothing.
If you don't really have any ideas, just the minimum wage warehouse or cleaning job will do, they'll need people like you to take the place of those that the Brexit voters want to shut out.
This is a 17-year-old, you loon. 17 is not "earn money or else" stage of life.

How about you start writing your own name with a capital S before telling others the facts of life.

Keep your ridiculous advice to yourself, you schnook.
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shawn_o1
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^ :rofl::lmao:
I can only imagine what kind of idiot that post #7 is. Raising a completely valid point that I got a rep for and all he can say is "shut up".
Btw, 17 is the age where one no longer has to be in education. Thus it means that a 17yo has the responsibility to make decisions for himself/herself.
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Rustin
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That age is 16, genius.

By the way, you can get a rep for posting a picture of your morning jobby. It doesn't mean that your Nobel Prize is in the post.
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