Go back or move on?

Firstly, mods please don’t de-anon me as my friends read this site. Secondly, I’ll try and keep this as short as possible!

I’ve been unwell for a while and I broke contact with my two best friends in December as they were finding it really hard to cope with me being ill. They had been really great up until then but they were putting a lot of pressure on me and it was making things worse for me and upsetting them, so I asked them to give me some space and said I would make contact with them when I was ready. They have made contact a few times since via email, just filling me in on what’s been happening. I read the emails but didn’t reply. I’ve been a lot better lately and recently replied to them both, just saying hi and general chit chat, and they have asked to see me and have said how much they miss me etc. I think they’re hoping I’m ready to go back.

However, I haven’t seen them at all or had any contact with them for 8 months now, and before that I wasn’t seeing much of them as I was too ill to see people. I’ve basically missed out on a year and a half of their lives, and they’ve missed out on the same amount of mine. Before this we were really close, but now I feel so much has changed and I’ve missed out on so much. I look on Facebook at all the pictures and stuff of them having fun and I feel like I don’t really belong any more .

I’m unsure whether I should go back or not. I’m worried that too much time has passed and too much has changed and I know if I see them and find out this is the case I’ll be really upset. Should I see them or should just make a clean break and close that chapter?

Reply 1

Ang|ophi|e

Have they send constant emails to you during the eight months? If so, I would assume that they miss you and are giving you the space that you had requested. Sure you've missed out a lot, we're talking about eight months. It's not whether they will be the same, but rather are you the same? I think you should try and have a meet up. Catch up on the past eight months. If you feel awkward around them then perhaps its time to move on. However once you fill each other in, I'm sure things will go back to normal.

Don't worry around it. :hugs:

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Thanks for your reply :smile:

Yeah they've sent me emails during that time. It's a long time eight months, and then i hadn't seen them much before for a while so a lot has happened in that time and I just don't know whether it's been too long? :frown:

Reply 3

herbal bug

it's never too long :smile:

it's all ways worth trying :smile:

Reply 4

Ang|ophi|e

I had a friend who I hadn't seen in two years and we instantly hit it off. So don't worry about the time. :smile:

Reply 5

nanananabatman

Some positive replies but you've gotta know that when you join them again, sometimes it won't feel the same. You might not feel part of them even if you were before. You might not hit it off at all. Maybe it'll take some time.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

This is what I'm worried about. I know if it's not the same I'm going to be more upset than if I just made a clean break now...

Reply 7

KarlZ

I think that if I was in this situation I would be anxious and a lil scared about it all - Various questions like... Will it be the same? Will I feel left out? What if they care more about each other than me? Etc would be running through my mind and I would feel apprehensive about hanging out with them again HOWEVER those thoughts and feelings would be natural and I think that if you let them rule your head and dont make an effort with these friends then you would be a fool. The fact that they have kept in contact with you says a lot, many people would not bother emailing again if they received no response. Plus they have said that they miss you and want to see you - If they didnt then they just wouldnt have said anything. I would give them the benefit of the doubt, try hanging out with them again, it might not be easy to start with (I never said it wouldnt be hard) but persevere and remind them of the fun and happy person you are and the reasons why you were good friends. Even if you feel paranoid (i.e. left out, anxious) dont let it show, keep perservering and it will pay off and then YOU will be in your own pictures laughing and looking like you're having an awesome time. Through your friends you can also meet new people who could bring fun in to your life. Give them a chance and think positive. Dont let the fact you have suffered with an illness beat you down because if you do then even though you are feeling better physically, you would be letting the illness beat you down emotionally & the illness will have won. It would be a shame to give up without even trying to rekindle that great friendship you shared!
Happy days, happy times - You healthy now, go live life! Get out there and enjoy!

Reply 8

nanananabatman

Anonymous

This is what I'm worried about. I know if it's not the same I'm going to be more upset than if I just made a clean break now...

No. I'd rather you went for it first before deciding it didn't work out. I was in the same situation and I don't think we spoke for 2 years. Now we talk, it's not the same anymore, we've both moved on but it's nice knowing that at least I tried.