I don't know if my mum loves me

I try and show her affectiion and love. I dont get much of that tbh.. so I always approach her and TRY and hug her and stuff. And she's like "get away from me you're so fat. why are you so fat?" she does not say it in a rude way, she always sounds very disappointed when she says it. or "you smell, don't hug me". it sounds really harsh but it's not like that.. i know she is telling the truth. But she never shows me any affection and i dont really get any. I dont have a loving family and i dont have loving friends. I have never had a boyfriend either. I think I have a lot of love to give but i dont get the chance to, and I never receive much love myself. I dont know what to do. I'm crying right now because my mum has just told me to get lost when I went to give her a hug and asked her to make me coffee.

I know there are no underlying problems to make her be like that. She just wont show me affection. I know she is very disappointed in me and must be very unproud of me. Maybe thats why shes like that.

This is very vague but i just needed to let it out. If my mum doesnt love me, I dont know who does. and that makes me feel so upset :frown:

Reply 1

I_am_the_mob

1

She does love you :hugs:

I often have the same trouble with mine but I realised in the end that she just wasn't an affectionate person
You must make sure that what she says doesn't affect you too much
I also realised that my mum was critical of me because she felt inadequate and wanted me to be better than her, e.g. lose weight, do well in school etc
I know it's very hard but remember she does love you and so do other people

Reply 2

big?mark

I think you should talk to your Mum about it.
Of course your Mum loves you but people can be insensitive and often dont realise that what doesnt bother them can really hurt somebody else. Thats why you need to sit down and show her how you feel, im sure she doesnt purposefully want to make you feel like this.

Reply 3

DeSiFiEd

2

I feel the same. well both my parents.

Try being told "well done" with absolutely no facial expression or tone after I tell both my parents I got AAA in my A-Levels. And that was literally the end of that "special" moment. what a joke.

Reply 4

40550

2

Try to grow in independence. Make your own coffee, things like this. You obviously realise that its important for a child to attach and feel loved by their parents. Talk to your mum about how her comments make you feel, and why shes rejecting you. Some of us don't grow up in the happiest homes, you can't let it hinder you. Know you are a decent person, respect your mum but realise these are her issues, not yours

Reply 5

abc101

17

Aww, chuck, that must be really upsetting. I would say try to talk to your mum about it - it's not fair on you, the way she's treating you. Sit her down and explain to her how hurtful it is that she won't accept affection from you, or give you any affection. You sound like you do have a lot of love to give and someday you will find someone who appreciates that! Love and hugs, hope things get better :hugs:

Reply 6

Ang|ophi|e

12

Of course your mom loves you. Even though she says some mean things maybe she doesn't mean it in a bad way. Perhaps she is just being sarcastic? Also she can be pushing you away if she has a lot of stress in her life. I'm pretty sure its not only you who she pushes away. If you feel this upset, I suggest you talk to her and explalin how you feel. Learn to communicate to each other and spend time doing activities together. There is no stronger bond than a mother and her child, it just takes a bit of effort. :smile:

Reply 7

N_n_N

oh dont worry about it, try to focus on other things. find different activities and spend time with friends or random people :redface:

you can be my friend if you like :smile:

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Thank you all for the advice and reassurance.

I hope she does love me. Its just very difficult to believe when she is like that towards me. I always want to hug her and sit with her because i really love and admire her but I want and need some love in return.

I think i will talk to her soon. i know for a fact that when i tell her she will be really upset. Thats what she's like. She does not realise how hurtful it is for her to be like that towards me and when she does she will feel ashamed. I dont want people to get the wrong idea and think she deliberately makes me unhappy and stuff.

Thank you again for your advice :hugs:

Reply 9

Thud

17

Just ask her.

I asked mine if she was proud of me the other day, the answer was a simple "no", what a nice woman she is.

Reply 10

Philosoraptor

18

^ At least she's honest Thud. And you are a communist rebel or something, you can't blame her :p:

Just kidding btw, don't kill me. How's the Russian coming? :smile:

Reply 11

herbal bug

12

some parents cant show affection, it's who they are. My mum asked if she was proud of me said "Well we'll see..." or "stop whinning on at me."

the best thing you can do is talk to her, afterall, only then will you know how she feels.

hope it goes well.
x

Reply 12

Bluelight

13

, not to boast but my mum is the complete opposite, she won't hug because we're too formal a family for that but if say shes on the sofa and im standing by it talking to her she'll rub my hand in hers like she used to when I was little. :smile:

Reply 13

AverageGuyOnTheStreet

9

OP.

I often feel that my mum doesn't care about me. She never even acknowledges my existence unless she wants something. If she has a problem with me, she won't tell it to my face, but get my dad to tell me. I just don't know what to believe any more. I'm sure my mum wouldn't even notice if I died.

I can understand that it hurts a lot. I hope things look up for you soon.

Reply 14

FCabinet34x72

1

Anonymous

I try and show her affectiion and love. I dont get much of that tbh.. so I always approach her and TRY and hug her and stuff. And she's like "get away from me you're so fat. why are you so fat?" she does not say it in a rude way, she always sounds very disappointed when she says it. or "you smell, don't hug me". it sounds really harsh but it's not like that.. i know she is telling the truth. But she never shows me any affection and i dont really get any. I dont have a loving family and i dont have loving friends. I have never had a boyfriend either. I think I have a lot of love to give but i dont get the chance to, and I never receive much love myself. I dont know what to do. I'm crying right now because my mum has just told me to get lost when I went to give her a hug and asked her to make me coffee.

I know there are no underlying problems to make her be like that. She just wont show me affection. I know she is very disappointed in me and must be very unproud of me. Maybe thats why shes like that.

This is very vague but i just needed to let it out. If my mum doesnt love me, I dont know who does. and that makes me feel so upset :frown:

'Your' I cant believe your mom and dad not loving you how can they - :frown:

'get away' 'fat and smelly' how dare they 'eat healthy and wash yourself regularly' right! I'd Try talking to both about this you cant let it go on as is? no sense tbh ina shamed!

Reply 15

qubog

12

Maybe she is pushing you away because you are trying to hug her all the time, and asking her to do things for you. that can actually really stress some people out. it might make her see you as weak and needy and that can also make some people uncomfortable especially if it is qualities they see in themselves.

i say you should get out and get a bit of independance, make some new friends and stop relying on your mum to show you love all the time. then once you've stepped back from each other she can see what a great person you really are and may give you an appropriate amount of affection. you might be surprised how little you need it once youve gone out on your own

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

OP

qubog

Maybe she is pushing you away because you are trying to hug her all the time, and asking her to do things for you. that can actually really stress some people out. it might make her see you as weak and needy and that can also make some people uncomfortable especially if it is qualities they see in themselves.

i say you should get out and get a bit of independance, make some new friends and stop relying on your mum to show you love all the time. then once you've stepped back from each other she can see what a great person you really are and may give you an appropriate amount of affection. you might be surprised how little you need it once youve gone out on your own

You have got a very good point there. I will take that and all of your other comments into consideration. I do feel a lot better now, and i have spoken to my mum about how I feel. thank you all again :hugs:

Reply 17

Riddy

DeSiFiEd

I feel the same. well both my parents.

Try being told "well done" with absolutely no facial expression or tone after I tell both my parents I got AAA in my A-Levels. And that was literally the end of that "special" moment. what a joke.

Well if they knew you were studying a lot they were probably expecting that, depends how much studying they saw you do.

Reply 18

Riddy

Anonymous

Thank you all for the advice and reassurance.

I hope she does love me. Its just very difficult to believe when she is like that towards me. I always want to hug her and sit with her because i really love and admire her but I want and need some love in return.

I think i will talk to her soon. i know for a fact that when i tell her she will be really upset. Thats what she's like. She does not realise how hurtful it is for her to be like that towards me and when she does she will feel ashamed. I dont want people to get the wrong idea and think she deliberately makes me unhappy and stuff.

Thank you again for your advice :hugs:

Maybe she just doesn't want to show you affection because you follow or pester her. Put yourself in her place and imagine someone who you didn't want to show affection to was acting like you do. Try and make your life better, start going to the gym (well start exersising at home until you lose weight of you are self concsious) and try keeping away from her more. I bet she will want to sit with you when you are more cool and confident, show her what you can do. You are probably thinking that her love should be unconditional and it is she loves you whatever but showing affection is a different matter lol, you need to earn it like everything else in life.

I don't know if my mum loves me

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