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Generational divide and how much my parents have controlled me has hit me Watch

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    #1

    It's just beginning to dawn on me, while they complain of political change, and I was longing for it, they have no idea what I've experienced and what's on the horizon.

    I'll try and make this clear.

    I've just been passively aggressively controlled by them my whole life, I can't get a sense of myself. I know what I could be but all my passion and self expression is curbed, and so is having a girlfriend, I am literally repulsed by them knowing about my relationship or having to include them in anything I have with someone else-there has already been no boundaries.

    I have been experiencing dark stuff for years, was desperate for political change, but course they , like most of their generation and class, had it like they wanted it, undermine that joy etc.

    It's just dawned on me how tragic it is, I've stifled myself for them my whole life, not wanting them to know the full personality, having to turn anger and attitude in on myself, always conditioned to be so ****ing inoffensive and never fight back, it's like I'm there just to reinforced everything that they believe and that makes them powerful, so I invalidate my own wishes, desires, self -exporession and struggle...



    I have waited around, always thinking about if I could have a relationship or kid after they die, I am waiting and longing for political change and to try and get justic about things that have happened to me...things that only younger people will ever get- just like only younger people get too, how screwed we've been by people above.

    I can't wait around any longer, I have been diminished in every way by my country and family.

    Does anyone have similar experience? Can anyone help because I am now sad, I stay with it and am waiting on certain things, but I feel everything about me has been stifled by them and even though there's more hope of change now, power goes on the same and everything is bad for the generation beneath them.

    I must assert my will and get out of this hell.

    I need support right now as I have missed out on so much about being human.
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    Oh dear. So much anger.
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    Just clueless about anything that's really going on, and will go on, they have managed to **** with my head, and personal relationships and future, so much, and so have so many of the people who I can put in the 'older than me'/Gen X category. Only younger than me and coming up will get it and see through the self serving way they are and how much they have lied and how dark it has been for some people under them as a cohort. The smugness and complacency is through the roof.

    Don't want to make it sound like I have no optimism, the changes have given me hope that more about the establishment can be realised, more truth about corruption can come out and more are on my side. But I have been to dark places and also been oppressed under so much control.

    People will believe me if I can get the truth out, and more and more is coming out about abuses of power and corruption.

    I hope I can get to a point of ever being able to portray my true self, not a sanitized half person oppressed by them, hope I can own my pain, and then get the truth and then express my self fully, seek out other horizons, learn a language, leave the country, whatever, be able to tweet about my passion, political stuff, have great connections with people , life and love and not being stifled to nothing by them.

    Just hard to keep the faith going.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's just beginning to dawn on me, while they complain of political change, and I was longing for it, they have no idea what I've experienced and what's on the horizon.

    I'll try and make this clear.

    I've just been passively aggressively controlled by them my whole life, I can't get a sense of myself. I know what I could be but all my passion and self expression is curbed, and so is having a girlfriend, I am literally repulsed by them knowing about my relationship or having to include them in anything I have with someone else-there has already been no boundaries.

    I have been experiencing dark stuff for years, was desperate for political change, but course they , like most of their generation and class, had it like they wanted it, undermine that joy etc.

    It's just dawned on me how tragic it is, I've stifled myself for them my whole life, not wanting them to know the full personality, having to turn anger and attitude in on myself, always conditioned to be so ****ing inoffensive and never fight back, it's like I'm there just to reinforced everything that they believe and that makes them powerful, so I invalidate my own wishes, desires, self -exporession and struggle...



    I have waited around, always thinking about if I could have a relationship or kid after they die, I am waiting and longing for political change and to try and get justic about things that have happened to me...things that only younger people will ever get- just like only younger people get too, how screwed we've been by people above.

    I can't wait around any longer, I have been diminished in every way by my country and family.

    Does anyone have similar experience? Can anyone help because I am now sad, I stay with it and am waiting on certain things, but I feel everything about me has been stifled by them and even though there's more hope of change now, power goes on the same and everything is bad for the generation beneath them.

    I must assert my will and get out of this hell.

    I need support right now as I have missed out on so much about being human.
    You smart kid.

    You need to break free and be yourself. Explore who you are and go deeper and deeper and deeper until you find doors. These doors are your mental and emotional barriers. And how exactly will your tackle them? Do you no longer wish to wait endlessly in an eternal torment? Then, you must break free and go into the open world.

    One of the ways in which we humans can find our true selves, is by communicating with other people. "True to herself", "True to myself"? We all have our own personal image that's dictated by others, one that's always off the mark. We wish to remain true to ourselves, but who gets to decide who we are as people? When our image never goes hand-in-hand with reality, where can we find something genuine? Where can we find our true selves?

    And I believe another major element is having fun and appreciating the good things in life, as well as helping others. Today, I saw a random woman help get an old man up from his seat (I was going to offer help sooner or later probably). Then as she sat down, and I did too, I waited a couple of seconds...then eventually said "that was kind of you".

    She replied, "it happens to all of us haha."

    By exposing yourself, talking to other people, you can get to know more about who you are as a person.

    And I suggest reading (paper books, e-books lack character) - Books are the embodiment of knowledge. One book I recently read - an amazing, quite emotional read - "No Longer Human". Japanese classic.
    https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon....4,203,200_.jpg

    "Mine has been a life of much shame. I can't even guess myself what it must be to live the life of a human being."

    As well as books, there are other mediums as well. I personally highly recommend watching "Oregairu" - it's not your typical romantic high-school anime, it's a one-of-a-kind and the main character is very perplexing.

    It will take time to find yourself and even then, there's always something new to learn in life and about yourself you'd have never expected.

    :angelwings:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's just beginning to dawn on me, while they complain of political change, and I was longing for it, they have no idea what I've experienced and what's on the horizon.

    I'll try and make this clear.

    I've just been passively aggressively controlled by them my whole life, I can't get a sense of myself. I know what I could be but all my passion and self expression is curbed, and so is having a girlfriend, I am literally repulsed by them knowing about my relationship or having to include them in anything I have with someone else-there has already been no boundaries.

    I have been experiencing dark stuff for years, was desperate for political change, but course they , like most of their generation and class, had it like they wanted it, undermine that joy etc.

    It's just dawned on me how tragic it is, I've stifled myself for them my whole life, not wanting them to know the full personality, having to turn anger and attitude in on myself, always conditioned to be so ****ing inoffensive and never fight back, it's like I'm there just to reinforced everything that they believe and that makes them powerful, so I invalidate my own wishes, desires, self -exporession and struggle...



    I have waited around, always thinking about if I could have a relationship or kid after they die, I am waiting and longing for political change and to try and get justic about things that have happened to me...things that only younger people will ever get- just like only younger people get too, how screwed we've been by people above.

    I can't wait around any longer, I have been diminished in every way by my country and family.

    Does anyone have similar experience? Can anyone help because I am now sad, I stay with it and am waiting on certain things, but I feel everything about me has been stifled by them and even though there's more hope of change now, power goes on the same and everything is bad for the generation beneath them.

    I must assert my will and get out of this hell.

    I need support right now as I have missed out on so much about being human.
    Assuming you are an adult. Parents can be a pain - mine could never care less about me - so much so they used to go on holiday and leave me alone for weeks at a time ( I was 12 years old)


    Only person who can do something about this is you. You want change then make it happen - leave home. You sound a bit depressed. Why not go and see GP for something short term.

    Grab life by the nuts and run with it.
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    (Original post by squeakysquirrel)
    Assuming you are an adult. Parents can be a pain - mine could never care less about me - so much so they used to go on holiday and leave me alone for weeks at a time ( I was 12 years old)


    Only person who can do something about this is you. You want change then make it happen - leave home. You sound a bit depressed. Why not go and see GP for something short term.

    Grab life by the nuts and run with it.
    I've left home. Just need more finances. I'm in my 30's.

    I know uncaring folks is not great, but in a way you are freer.

    I think the best passage of growth is abroad, it's to do with the country.

    Go to find the will but it's all up in the air about where I can go atm, and there is some heavy unfinished business- after that I would love, love love to learn a lan(specific one in mind)and leave.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've left home. Just need more finances. I'm in my 30's.

    I know uncaring folks is not great, but in a way you are freer.

    I think the best passage of growth is abroad, it's to do with the country.

    Go to find the will but it's all up in the air about where I can go atm, and there is some heavy unfinished business- after that I would love, love love to learn a lan(specific one in mind)and leave.
    Then go abroad - if you can work in the Middle East or something - loads of money. Don't get to your 40s full of regret.
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    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by squeakysquirrel)
    Then go abroad - if you can work in the Middle East or something - loads of money. Don't get to your 40s full of regret.
    I would never go to the ME. But yeah I can leave one day, but as I say, unfinished business right now. It will look clearer around 2020 I hope.
 
 
 
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